Friday, December 25, 2009

Happy Holidays

May you all have a wonderful holiday and a very happy new year.

I am sorry that I haven't responded to comments lately or made any recent posts to my blog. I have actually been thinking about ending this blog. I don't have the time or interest lately to make posts to it and there is very little for me to say anymore. I assume everyone knows you can contact me by email should you need to, although I should warn that I'm often not very good about responding.

Thanks to everyone for your visits over the years. Your friendship meant a lot to me.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Without Mirrors

One thing I can't see
That everyone else
In the world can see
If they wanted to
Is me
The outer me that is not
Seen in a mirror

One thing I can see
That everyone else
In the world can't see
If they wanted to
Is me
The me that is
In here
Not out there

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Early December Vision

From a meditation vision on December 1:

I was walking into a cave in Egypt and found a shrine with a gold man statue; it was about two feet tall. I touched the hand of the man and suddenly I turned into a human-sized gold man. I didn't have any features other than being a humanoid-shaped shiny reflective gold man. I left the cave and walked around by the pyramids. The sun came up on the horizon and when it shone on my golden body it reflected brightly and spread rays of light all over the place.


I will try to respond to past comments soon. I'm just coming out of a period of hibernation. I will probably be going in and out of these. Know that I do read all comments. Thank you.

Friday, November 27, 2009

μυριάς (myrias) - “‘number of 10,000’”

I love little bites of knowledge.

In reading Isaac Asimov's "Realm of Numbers" I come to a paragraph about how the Greeks gave the name "Myrias" to the number 10,000.

We have "hundred" for 100.
"Thousand" for 1000
And once, in a long ago time, we had "myrias" for 10,000,
Or at least the Greeks did.
Now we just have boring old "ten-thousand".

From the Greek word myrias we now have "myriad".

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Gratitude is the Right Attitude

Happy Thanksgiving.

I apologize for getting behind on the day series that I started. I managed to do Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I'm hoping to pick it back up on a Monday, hopefully this coming Monday. Also, since we're getting ready to start a new month it will be a good time for me to make some monthly posts on how the months got their names.

I'm behind on responding to comments so I will just use this opportunity to thank everyone for leaving your thoughtful comments. I am grateful for your visits and comments because it is nice to have your company.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Air Force One

So, today I asked the President
If I could take a ride
In his Air Force One airplane

The plane took off
It flew higher and higher
Through the clouds
Through the earth's atmosphere
Into space
Black space with all the

When we had left the earth's atmosphere
I realized we had escaped
The cloudy sphere of my self
And finally we were in
A misty white heaven
With bright white light
But it was peaceful there

And I knew that

I wasn't alone
All around me was another
And that other
Made me feel peace and secure
And assured me that
I can do it alone

Some time before that
I had sent a question out into the Universe
I asked for help

Now I know that the President
Was my self whose permission
I had to receive to go beyond

The President is the self
That thinks the distracting thoughts
That feels the depression
That keeps the voice
Of the Higher One from being heard

When I flew out of the atmosphere
Of the self
Into space
I was really flying
Into the Higher One

And all this
That you have just read
Is the vision
That was given to me

Thank you Universe
For showing me the way to
Get the hell out of Dodge

Happy Sunday

Today I am late getting to this day series;
For some of you it is already Monday.
Soon I will start a month series.
December 1st seems a likely date.

Sunday = Sun's Day
Pictured above is the sun god Apollo,
Though the sun gods are many
Throughout the world's
Like Egypt's Ra,
India's Agni,
The Angles' and Saxons' Sol.

On the Tree of Life,
Tiphereth is the Sun.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Friday, November 20, 2009

Happy Friday

Friday = Freya's Day
Planet = Venus
On the Tree of Life Venus is the 7th sephirah, Netzah.

Don't make her jealous or you may find yourself sorting seeds.

For more correspondences, see:

For more on the story of Freya and Friday, see:

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Missing Pluto

Today it dawned on me that the planetary mnemonic we learned as children will no longer work since Pluto is no longer a planet. That Pluto is not a planet anymore is old news of course, but the uselessness of that old mnemonic hit me hard just now.

My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas


Now what should we use to help us memorize the order of the planets?

Asking this very question sent me on my way doing a Google search for "planetary mnemonic", and this is what I found:

The International Astronomical Union has suggested a revised mnemonic, namely, "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nachos."

(This phrase does not include dwarf planets, but there have been competitions looking for the best mnemonic for the planets and dwarf planets.)

Happy Thursday

Thursday = Thor's Day

Jupiter is the 5th planet from the Sun.
Thursday is the 5th day of the week.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Personality Tests

I really seem to be fascinated by personality tests, lately, and not just my own; I've asked friends to take them so I could see their results.

I've been taking more quizzes and posting the results here:

These are fun.  I invite you to take the quizzes and to share your results if you are feeling open.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

My Serial Number - INFP, 4w5 sp

I'm in the midst of a discussion with someone about personality types, and I take an interest in this subject as it is allowing me to learn a little bit more about myself, what my hidden motives are, etc. I suppose it might be considered a step in the direction of transformation. I don't know how I can submit my ego if I don't know my ego very well. Finding the ego has been like looking for a needle in a haystack. There are many things about myself that I don't like, such as my tendency to be self-absorbed. It really doesn't help that I score 100% introverted on MBTI tests. I have taken the MBTI test a number of times over the past couple years and the result has stayed the same. I've also taken various Enneagram tests from various sites to be sure I have the right results.

Here are some graphics that show some of the results of the MBTI, Multiple Intelligences and Enneagram tests I've taken.

Click to view my Personality Profile page

Main Type
Overall Self
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results
Type 1 Perfectionism |||||| 30%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||| 42%
Type 3 Image Focus |||||| 22%
Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||| 30%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||| 18%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||| 22%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||| 50%
Your main type is 4
Your variant is self pres
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Who Do Voodoo? I Do Voodoo!

If you are in any way afraid of Voodoo dolls you may want to skip this post. I know there are some out there who are, so let me remind us that the only scary demon we have to fear with Voodoo is fear itself. I could go on and on with a spiel about how demons are energetic thoughtforms created by ourselves, and they are some very seriously scary demons like Hatred, Fear, Ignorance, not these ugly creatures like you see in scary movies, although scary movies are allegories for the demons we create.

Before I get too far off topic, I wanted to tell the story about my own personal voodoo doll and the reward I have achieved through its use. I hope I haven't already told this story on this blog - I can at times be absentminded - so if I have, please forgive me.

A few years ago a coworker went to New Orleans and bought me a souvenir gift; it was a Voodoo doll. The instructions say to do this or that for love, money or revenge. One is supposed to pin a piece of paper onto the doll using either the white or black pin, on which is written a specific amount of money, the name of the person you want to fall in love with you, or the name of the person with whom you wish to get revenge. Obviously for the white magic one would use the white pin and for the black magic - revenge - you'd use the black pin. I will say here that I have NEVER touched the black pin, and I would advise any who use Voodoo dolls to also ignore the black pin because of karmic consequences.

When I received the doll, I pinned a small piece of paper onto the doll that had "$10,000" written on it. I used the white pin for this. Later, I laid the doll on a shelf and eventually it was forgotten and got pushed to the back of the shelf, got covered in dust, etc. Last year about this time I received a letter from FedEx informing me that I was the grand prize winner of a $10,000 sweepstakes. At the time I didn't remember the doll, however, earlier this year I was cleaning off a shelf and discovered the doll. When I discovered it and saw the monetary number written on the paper, chills surged through my body because I knew then that the doll had helped focus my intent for a while so that I could bring into my life that $10,000.

I've never read The Secret, but I've heard a small bit about the Law of Attraction and I can tell you the book The Secret is not the first place it's been taught as it is a very old law taught by ancient mystery schools. For me I now am a full believer. In addition, I'm sure that a Voodoo doll can be used as a tool for this law.

The doll in the image is mine. Thanks go out to my husband for being a wonderful hand model. :)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Happy Beaver Moon

Also lovingly called the White Moon, Trading Moon, Sassafras Moon, Moon When Horns Are Broken Off, Dark Moon, Snow Moon, Tree Moon.

Such a nice nearly full moon the trick or treaters had for their Halloween.

Who has hung the moon for you?

So Close...

I feel like I'm on the verge
Of having an identity crisis

That is cause for celebration

Ego is like a candy wrapper;
Remove it and reveal the sweetness.

Leggo, my ego!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


Horizontal lines
Sleeping prone on a bed
Unawake, Unaware

Vertical lines
Climbing a ladder
Awake, Aware

Crossing lines
Life on planet earth
Sometimes asleep
Sometimes Awake

Inspired by -

My Birth Chart

The first thing I noticed about my birth chart were the three triangles. They reminded me of three pyramids. My friend Mem Key mentioned tonight that he noticed the triangles, too. What oh what does it mean? I don't know anything about astrology.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Wise Abe

"I desire so to conduct the affairs of this administration that if at the end, when I come to lay down the reins of power, I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall be down inside of me." ~Abraham Lincoln

Abe sounds very illuminated here.

Wise Abe knew who his friend was.

Honest indeed.

I know who Abe's friend is.

Think of Him/Her as a mutual friend.

Friday, October 16, 2009


"I know not how I may seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with." ~Plato
I am like that child, picking up pebbles on the shore of knowledge and amusing myself with them for a time before picking up a new pebble. The thing is, I've always got a pebble in my hand so I never pay attention to the beach. With Plato it was only "every now and then", not all the time.

I am a lover of knowledge and intellectual subjects. My mind likes to think and analyze, always always analyze. So I guess that though I have denied it before, I am an intellectual. Most would consider this a good thing. Perhaps so, back in the days when I aspired only to be a Mensan. But the time has come - has actually been here a while - that I must go beyond my fascination with intellectual things and develop my spiritual strength. I'm just not going to get anywhere by reading. I have to practice. So no more simply talking the talk. It's time to walk the walk.

Soooo....... My goal now is to find a balance between intellectual and spiritual activities. It is now time for me to more regularly practice meditation and other spiritual activities. This is not easy for me, I can hear my mind screaming "No!" because it might go into withdrawal after not having constant intellectual stimulation. It might, God forbid, get bored! It is time for me to be a loving but firm parent to my childish mind; I've got to practice greater control.

It's time to pick up pebbles of intellectual knowledge only every now and then as Plato did. It's time to run from the shore on the beach of knowledge into the waters of greater things.

Carl Sagan "A Glorious Dawn" feat Stephen Hawking (Cosmos Remixed)

I found this video online today and I just watched it three times in a row because it's that good. Someone has taken some of Carl Sagan's speech and also Stephen Hawking's and created a kind of techno trance song with it. The lyrics are AWESOME!

On a side note, recently I have been honored in a most wonderful way - one of my pieces of art was used in an exhibition in the Royal Albert Hall in London. The exhibition featured the work of a photographer who photographs astronomers, astrophysicists, mathematicians and other people who work in fields related to outer space. They chose my fractal-based image because it evokes the theme of the multiverse. I was particularly excited because my name shows up on the same page as Stephen Hawking! I am truly honored to have one of my pieces of art show up next to the work of an amazing photographer. (Names aren't revealed since I don't use my real name on this blog. If anyone wants to see it I would be glad to send the link to the exhibition page in a private email to anyone that requests it. Of course my ego loves this.)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Notes from My Notebook

I headed to the (very small) local library last night with my notebook and stood by the shelf where the spiritual books are. There was a book that had "Green" in the title and it caught my attention due to the vision I had the other day regarding the Green Prophecy. I grabbed the book and looked through it but nothing really grabbed my attention. However, as I was putting the book back I saw beneath it a book that I currently have on my iPod but have not listened to yet - "Don't Know Much About Mythology". Considering it was next on my list of books to listen to I thought it would be interesting to skim through the book so I took it with me to a table and looked through the pages. I found some quotes that I thought are worth mentioning here:
It is an old story
But one that can still be told
About a man who loved
And lost a friend to death.
And learned he lacked the power
To bring him back to life.
~Gilgamesh: A Verse Narrative, Translated by Herbert Mason

I have read Gilgamesh, though it's been over nine years ago. While I know this verse pertains to the story itself it also reminded me of someone trying to breathe life back into an old friendship in order to renew it but not having any luck.

Another clipping from the same book:

"All men have need of the gods...."
~The Odyssey by Homer

The above quote came at an important time for me as I had once again been examining the similarities between spirituality and psychology.

Lastly, a paragraph from the book that I liked as it spoke of the inclination of most people today to be unaware of the unseen around them:

One of the reasons why religion seems irrelevant today is that many of us no longer have the sense that we are surrounded by the unseen. Our scientific culture educates us to focus our attention on the physical and material world in front of us. This method of looking at the world has achieved great results. One of the consequences, however, is that we have... edited out the sense of the "spiritual" or "holy" which pervades the lives of people in more traditional societies at every level and which was once an essential component of our human experience of the world.
~Karen Armstrong, A History of God (1993)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Dark Night of the Soul

It's only my concern and no one else's but I feel the need to point it out because I can't keep up with correspondences right now.

Memento Mori

I am drawn to this image. It's allegorical and perfect for my situation - I must die. Death is grabbing me by the hair.

Last but not least, the kiss of death, to send the self to its grave.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

About a Fellow Hermit?

One springtime Rabia entered a house, and did not come out. A follower said to her: Come outside, and see the beauties of the creation. Rabia said: Come inside, and see the creator. If you see the creator, you become too preoccupied to look at the creation.

- Attar: Rabi'a

The True Green Prophecy

The words in the title came to me earlier today right upon waking from sleep. It's not often that this happens and the few times I've had similar flashes they have led me to interesting epiphanies. One time I saw a seven digit number and curiosity compelled me to type it into Google. It turned out it was the phone number of someone who lived a number of blocks down the street from me, someone I have never met or seen. Some other times these visions have led me to meet some interesting people, like Yellow Horse Man and IRUNURI. So, I am left wondering today what is behind the term "The True Green Prophecy". The words were very loud in my mind the moment I awoke and stayed there for a few moments as if they were supposed to get my attention.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Good Dream Behavior

Last night I was being tested in my dreams. The Higher masters must have wanted to test me. Sometimes my behavior in dreams is appalling, especially when I would never consider doing such things while awake. This sometimes worries me because I see quotes about how a man's true character is shown in his dreams. Last night I had a dream that gave me reason to have a bit of pride today. I was pleased with myself and how I had behaved. Indeed I feel that my behavior in that dream was closer to how I would behave while awake.

Here is a bit of a retelling of my dream, though brief due to having forgotten most of the dream during the day.

I was being employed by an older woman in her seventies. She was very wealthy and hired a bunch of women to work for her in her mansion. All the ladies were dressed with business attire, skirts and high heels, etc. All the women were about my age, late twenties or early thirties. She had given all the other women really fancy jobs, but condescendingly turned to me and demeaned me by saying, "But you shall work a boring desk job." Instead of being angry or frustrated I kindly curtsied and accepted the job. I remained humble.

Later in the dream I was upstairs in one of the rooms of her mansion. It was a bedroom and all over the floor there was a lot of beautiful jewelry. Mostly they were large lockets with grand scenery vignettes in gold or silver; they were reliefs. I touched them and opened them; I was enchanted by them. Wishing to explore further I got down on my hands and knees and began to crawl around to look for things. There was a hidden area near the floor in the back of the room and when I laid down to look inside the area I saw a small open box with a huge stash of cash. Something in my head told me take the money, to steal it, but I said out loud - while pushing the box away - "No, that's not nice."

Later the older woman came upstairs to speak with me. She seemed a bit sad and was telling me about these growths she had on her skin on some places of her body. She showed me one. I gently caressed it with my finger and asked her, "Is it Chlamydia?" I felt bad for her.

Now, I should say that I really didn't know what Chlamydia was until now - I just looked it up in Google and learned that it is a sexually transmitted disease. So in the dream I must have had the name of the growth wrong. The growth in the dream was a skin growth, like a type of skin tumor.

Anyway, I am pleased with myself for not having been angry at the woman for humiliating me in the beginning. Many times in my dreams I get angry. I'm not an angry person. In real life I would never consider stealing money. So perhaps now I can say that I saw a bit of my true character in last night's dream.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Symbols in Old Illustrations

I'm wanting to learn more about symbolism so I've been looking through random occult artwork scattered throughout the Internet. I found this image on Flickr, with no information to tell me what it is or what it means. Just picking out the obvious - the Ferdi at the top and the Nandvs at the bottom go together well as Ferdinandvs which is Ferdinandus when you change the old v to the modern u. The crown seems to imply a monarch, so... King Ferdinand? There is also the symbol for Vitriol on the crown. (Not that I know what that is at this moment but I've seen that symbol in the past somewhere else.) This thing is screaming alchemy but I don't know much about alchemy yet, being the rookie I am. And there are all these fascinating numbers and the shape in the center which seems to imply some kind of sacred geometry.

Anyway, I'm posting it here for further examination by myself or anyone else who cares to join in. I'd love to hear some ideas. I'd look further into it now but it's almost 3:30am and I must go to sleep. Tomorrow, Google awaits.


Monday, October 5, 2009

Guinea Pig Please?

Hi all,

After over a month of waiting I have finally and happily received an invitation to use Google Voice. I'm in the midst of setting it up and would love to test out one of the features. Is there anyone up right now (11:30pm EST)? I am looking for someone to call who is long distance from me. I'll keep the call short because I'm not very verbal in live conversation, but I really want to test this out. Free long distance!!! :)

Update: At the moment I can only call free within the U.S. or Cananda.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Happy Harvest Moon

Full Harvest Moon - October This is the full Moon that occurs closest to the autumn equinox. In two years out of three, the Harvest Moon comes in September, but in some years it occurs in October. At the peak of harvest, farmers can work late into the night by the light of this Moon. Usually the full Moon rises an average of 50 minutes later each night, but for the few nights around the Harvest Moon, the Moon seems to rise at nearly the same time each night: just 25 to 30 minutes later across the U.S., and only 10 to 20 minutes later for much of Canada and Europe. Corn, pumpkins, squash, beans, and wild rice the chief Indian staples are now ready for gathering.


"Namaste. I honour the place in you where the entire universe resides... a place of light, of love, of truth, of peace, of wisdom. I honour the place in you where when you are in that place and I am in that place there is only one of us." ~Mohandas K. Gandhi

(Happy birthday, Gandhi!)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Thursday, September 24, 2009

So, What Do You Think?

I found this quote today, and I wanted to share it with my friends because the meaning is not immediately made apparent. Without the rest of the book nearby to garner context, we can make it our own. I like verses like these that make me put on my glasses of profundity. I'm very interested in hearing what this quote might mean to you. We can discuss it in the comments section.

"Yesterday I lived bewildered, in illusion. But now I am awake, flawless and serene, beyond the world. From my light the body and the world arise. So all things are mine, or nothing is."

- Ashtavakra Gita

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A Pythagorean Synchronicity

Last night I was reading an article in the AMORC Rosicrucian Digest. It was about Pythagoras and his contribution to music. Within the article a short tale was told of how a young man was ill with revenge over being rejected by his lover and wanted to burn her house down. Pythagoras suggested that the young man was under the influence of a certain musical scale and prescribed that he "change his tune" to another scale.

After reading the article I cheerfully kept repeating the phrase "change your tune" inside my head. I thoughtfully remembered how I have heard that phrase before when being reprimanded for something or another. I now finally knew where that idiom truly came from and it tickled me! So I played with the phrase for a few moments.

Earlier today I was reading some messages on Facebook, particularly those on my nephew's page. He had made a clever comment about something or another and someone responded with, "When you're older you may change your tune."

(The digest may be read or heard here:

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Something I Can Learn From

Living in forests far away from other people is not true seclusion. True seclusion is to be free from the power of likes and dislikes. It is also to be free from the mental attitude that one must be special because one is treading the path. Those who remove themselves to far forests often feel superior to others. They think that because they are solitary they are being guided in a special way and that those who live an ordinary life can never have that experience. But that is conceit and is not help to others. The true recluse is one who is available to others, helping them with affectionate speech and personal example.

- Prajnaparamita

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Celestial Sanctum

The images above are based on a document from the Rosicrucians called "Liber 777". The document is available to members and non-members alike. I have found a page online where it can be read - HERE. The document asks the reader to visit the Celestial Sanctum using their own visualization of what the Sanctum might look like.

My imagery is inspired by the Ivory Tower from one of my favorite childhood movies called "The Never Ending Story". The Ivory Tower is how I imagine the Celestial Sanctum. Everyone has their own imagery even though the energy it accesses is the same to everyone.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The 1,000th Post

Were I to describe my self, I'd say I'm a philosopher and a lover, born to die before death. I dream and imagine; I sense and I feel. I am an alchemist, mage and mystic. I like weddings, especially between kings and queens and the sun and the moon. A long time ago I set out on a journey to find the Holy Grail, the Philosopher's Stone. In the process I have been undergoing a transformation. So far, that transformation has lead me here to a place in between worlds. And it is from here that I seek to travel to a place where I must die in order to gain entry to the new world, only it is not by physical death that I will be dying. Hope to see you there.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Current Read

I have begun to read
A book once mentioned
By a passing acquaintance
Some months ago

It was Mr. E.C.
Who briefly spoke
Of the title
Of a book
Which immediately
Attracted my attention

The book is called
"Till We Have Faces"
By the well known
C.S. Lewis of
Narnia fame

This book is not
His usual Christian
It is more Pagan
Written before
He began writing
His mainstream
Christian novels

The book is
A retelling of
A classic Greek myth
The myth of....


(Also known as

It would come
As no surprise
That so far
I really like
The Fox!

Have you heard of it?
Have you read it?

You could preview it

Sunday, August 30, 2009

One Day Left

The Rosicrucian Order AMORC has a special offer for the month of August. They are giving free monographs to new seekers and students through the Neophyte degrees. I am taking them up on this offer and just got my acceptance letter the other day. For anyone interested there are two days left to sign-up - today and tomorrow.

The offer is available to those living in North America and the Caribbean.

For details, visit

Where Birds Fly

Tonight I found some words spoken by Osho that really resonate with me. I am not a follower of Osho or a student of Osho in particular, in fact, the few times I tried to watch videos of him speaking I felt such an angst of impatience just waiting for words to flow out of his mouth; he does speak so slowly. Also I had heard somewhere or read somewhere that he liked to collect Rolls Royces, and I am always a bit turned off from "Teachers" who live such a lifestyle. Well, I'm turned off from the cult of personality in any form. HOWEVER, I couldn't help but pause tonight after reading this:

...Kwatz! It is a sound, found by Zen, that shatters your
mind. At least for a moment you simply remain silent,
amazed. Because it is not language. You have not
expected it. But it shatters you and that is the
whole purpose of a master – to destroy the
disciple so that the disciple himself can rise
as a master of himself. Only pseudo masters
go on forcing disciplehood on people. The
authentic ones initiate you just in order to
destroy you, because unless you are
destroyed you will never be your real self.
You will always remain a persona, a


I once felt such anger toward the one who initiated me because I felt I was being destroyed. It dawned on me a number of months ago just why he once said he wished that he could forget my existence, words which, at the time seemed like a cruel blow. Now I feel only love for him because he opened a door for me. I wish I knew then what I know now; I would have been much more appreciative. I am also more thankful now than ever that he let me go the way he did, even though for a long long time I felt I was being abandoned. It was not that he was abandoning me; he was pushing me out of the nest so that I could fly on my own.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

11 - To Begin a New Journey

"[Her] quest for God has reached its terminus but [her] quest in God will now start its course." ~Paul Brunton

Monday, August 24, 2009

How Mystics Enjoy Food

Spent more time
Earlier at my mother's
Working on her desktop PC

All the troubles I'd had
Were ameliorated
When I realized
It was NOT
The monitor driver
That was lacking
But instead it
Was the video driver
And also installed
A network driver
Now she has normal
Resolution and
Internet access

I have spent a lot
Of time in my life
Helping others with
Electronics, gadgets
But especially computers
So I know how people
Like to pay us with food
My mother included
So earlier tonight
She made some fried
Potatoes from the farm
We visited
And mixed in bits
Of green peppers from
Our garden
And onions, too

Now I'm home
Alone and have
Just enjoyed
Her homemade
Blueberry cobbler
Made with blueberries
From the farm

Anyone who knows me offline
Probably knows that
The last thing I need
To be eating is cobbler
But her cobblers are
So delicious, so sweet,
That I sometimes find
Myself in a trance
As I eat them
She made me promise
Not to eat it all at once
But I think she knew better

Sunday, August 23, 2009

To Big Al

Big Al,
You're not
Fooling anyone

You are just as

To you
I probably am
As well


I learned
To See
From You

So it is
Only natural
That like a
Good student
I see the Teacher
In the Lesson
I learn

Your little al
Is nothing compared
To your Big Al,
But, little al,
You channeled your
Big Al and my Big S
With such skill
That finally
Some things
Have made their
Way through my
And I can
Channel my Big S
All by myself

I screamed
And I kicked
Because I was
Afraid of seeing
What Plato would call
The Light

It's a big Cosmic Joke
I get it now
So here we are
With God
Having a good ole time

Big Al,
Wherever you are
Whether here
Or somewhere in between,
I thank you
From the bottom
Of my Heart

Now to You
I can finally
Be True

A Sixth Sense

In 1999 there was a movie
That turned a phrase
Into a meme
That can still be heard

The movie was called
"The Sixth Sense"
And the phrase was,
"I see dead people."

In the Twilight Zone
Which I sometimes
Find myself,
I feel like the
Little boy who
Spoke those words.

No one would listen to me,
No one would believe me
And most certainly
No one would understand me
If I were to one day
Call out,
"I see God."

She's Got the Whole World

The earth is a marble
That I carry in my pocket
Because all my friends are there

A Mystic Through Her Wine

Jim, in his poems,
In his emails,
Told me many secrets
About the mysteries
And the riddles
Of the Universe
And beyond

But I didn't
Realize it
Until Now

Now I know why
The Ancients
Called wine
"The Nectar of the Gods"
And why Jim
Always enjoyed
A bit of wine

How Mystics Celebrate Birthdays

Yesterday was my mother's birthday
She is now 54 years old
Still a youngin'
She only feels old
Because I'm 31
Not because she's 54

For her birthday
She fixed me dinner
A type of pizza
With a Greek-style
Salad on top
Bake the
Pillsbury pizza dough
Spaghetti sauce
Mozzarella cheese
Mushrooms on a pan
In a bowl mix
Marinated artichoke hearts
Use all the marinade juice
Black olives
Parmesan cheese
And place this
Solution on top
Of the baked pizza
There were leftovers
(Which I just ate)

After our meal
We ventured to
The local
Orchard, winery,
Cheese factory, bakery,
And had ourselves
A little fun
Two giggling girls
Tasting four different
Sweet delicious wines -
Concord grape, strawberry,
Peach, sangria
It was fun
Seeing my mother
Taste the wine
Because she is almost
A wine virgin
And only a few sips
Makes her smile
A bit larger
Than normal
We sampled cheese
And breads
And jams
O my!

She told me
Happily of how
Her sister (my aunt)
Had left a nice gift for her
I like that someone
In her family
Remembers her birthday
My aunt is always
Very thoughtful

The rest of the day
Was spent
With me setting up
Her brand new laptop
Moving files
Off her desktop PC
Formatting her PC
Reinstalling Windows
Tomorrow I must go back
To find an appropriate
Driver for the monitor
But only after I've enjoyed
A meal at my father's and stepmother's
My family and a friend
Are stepping up
To give me company
As my husband is gone
For almost two weeks
Leaving me all alone
With a dog
And four cats
And more chores
Than I'm used to
But it all makes
Great aerobic exercise

Tonight I
Watered the garden
Changed the kitty litter
And settled down
With my laptop
And a glass of
Sweet Marcella
That is the concord
Grape wine
The wine I liked
The best

Cheers to Mom

Friday, August 21, 2009

What Does This Quote Mean to You?

Here's the new rule: break the wineglass, and fall towards the glassblower's breath.

- Rumi

Monday, August 17, 2009

K is 11

You remember the message;
The one that has you
Keeping your eyes and ears
Open for the one whose name
Begins with K.
K is the 11th letter
Of the alphabet.

You said
Your Angel was androgynous.
K is androgynous
Because 11 is androgynous.
Two in One.

Sunday, August 16, 2009


This body is
nothing more than
oxygen, carbon, hydrogen,
nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus
Swimming in
An elemental
Universal goo
Brought to life
By an element
Not on the periodic table.

Saturday, August 15, 2009


Not far from where I was
High in the nighttime sky
In the midst of stars,
Two satellites were
Heading for each other
Then passed each other by.


A quote from a lecture I've been listening to, given by Manly P. Hall -

"The alchemist does not manufacture gold; he does not create gold. He discovers it. He finds it where it is. He causes it to grow. He feeds it the nutrition that is necessary for its survival, and when he has brought it forth into birth, then this gold will transmute a world of base metals a hundred thousand times its own weight into the purest gold."

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Signs on the Road

Tonight I have a
Better Idea
About the vision
I had of
being Nikola
Tesla's Conductor.
Today while driving,
A sign caught my
There was construction
Work on the exit
To my mother's house.
The sign at the site said,
"Caution: Power
Lines Overhead".

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Strange but Fascinating Tales from the Book of the Mysteries and Wonders of Life

What does it mean
To be Nikola Tesla's
That is the message
I was supposed to
Receive last night
From you know who.

And other oddities...
That are no longer oddities
But a way of Life

How does one
Absorb into their being,
Someone else's
Their speech patterns
And mannerisms
When way beyond the age
Of impressionable
What does it mean?

Back to Tesla...
The impression I get
Says it has something
To do with a Hierophant.
Knowing little if not nothing
About tarot cards,
I will have to look
And see.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I Ching Journal: How do i interact with others without an ego?

i still have to decipher this. i'm trying to listen to You through the reading.

26. Ta Ch'u - The Taming Power of the Great

-- -- above Kên Keeping Still, Mountain
-- --
----- below Ch'ien The Creative, Heaven

The Judgement

The Taming Power of the Great.
Perseverance furthers.
Not eating at home brings good fortune.
It furthers one to cross the great water.

***my notes: The ego can be tamed by the power of my Higher Self. I should keep working on this because it leads to progress.

***I don't know what You mean by "Not eating at home brings good fortune". I'll ask You through another reading. Maybe You're trying to remind me that I need to watch my diet. Or maybe You mean that I don't need to keep returning home (ego?), and that I should instead keep going to cross the great water (the final step?), which will lead me to where I want to be, which is surrender to You.

The Image

Heaven within the mountain:
The image of the Taming Power of the Great.
Thus the superior man acquaints himself with many sayings of antiquity
And many deeds of the past,
In order to strengthen his character thereby.

***Mountains are climbed, so it is an upward journey, sometimes difficult and exhausting, but the mountain, the climb is also Heaven. When I get to the top of the mountain, I will find You.

***I can continue to look for wisdom from the words, history and writings I have been reading because it strengthens my character to do so.

Changing Lines

Changing yang at the bottom means:
Danger is at hand. It furthers one to desist.

Changing yang in the second place means:
The axletrees are taken from the wagon.

Changing yang in the third place means:
A good horse that follows others.
Awareness of danger,
With perseverance, furthers.
Practice chariot driving and armed defense daily.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.

Changing yin in the fourth place means:
The headboard of a young bull.
Great good fortune.

Changing yin in the fifth place means:
The tusk of a gelded boar.
Good fortune.

Changing yang at the top means:
One attains the way of heaven. Success.

***I don't know yet what changing lines are. I have to learn.

First Step

Get rid of me
So that i
Can listen to You

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Stars of the Ancients

The other night
In a dream
I looked up to the night's sky.
There was no light pollution
And I celebrated that at last
I could see clearly
All of the night sky.
Instead of the stars
And constellations
Appearing flat
On a darkened sky,
They descended toward me,
Surrounded me,
I, who had my feet
firmly planted
Upon the ground.
They floated around me
As I gazed at them in awe.
I felt such a sense
Of excitement
And thought to myself,
"This is how the Ancients
Once saw the nighttime sky!"

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Kore Kosmou - Audio Book

Tonight I recorded an audio book version of Kore Kosmou - The Virgin of the Kosmos. Keep in mind that all recordings I make are 100% homemade and there is no editing, so there are occasional background noises, mispronunciations, mess-ups, cracking noises due to microphone quality, etc. It's just for fun, learning and spiritual and philosophical exploration. I figure it would give you something to listen to in your car on the way to work, or on your mp3 player as you take a walk.

Feel free to distribute this any way you like, except for commercial purposes. No credit has to be given. Just share.

Mp3 can be found here:|pe1|WdjZPXLrvP2rYVS2ZGBlBQ

It is 59.5 MB. It's about one hour and five minutes long.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Symbolic Communication

"Suppose we were trying to establish and improve communication with a species of being so remote from our own that they were totally unable to grasp our existence or relationship with them. We may imagine perhaps that we are trying to make intelligent contact with our own blood-cells. All we could do, would be to use symbol-units from their field of being which had something in common with ours and attempt to construct an intelligible language out of these. At first, such symbols would be very basic and primitive, but as time went on and developments of evolution took place, communication would improve and become more sophisticated and facile. Exactly this problem exists between the Greater Consciousness and our own."

From The Ladder of Lights, by William G. Gray. So far, it is an excellent book!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Without a Face

In front of the Sun
By the rays

Right Here. Right Now.

Holiday? Every day is holy.
Holy water? Every drop of rain, of every puddle, pond, lake, river or sea is holy.
Places of worship? Every place is holy.

Monday, June 29, 2009

What to Do?

For the past few days I have asked myself over and over again, what can I do to assist my fellow humans in Iran or other countries slow to make change in modern times? Not being a well known celebrity or political figure, I feel powerless. I've tried to come up with some ideas. I feel like one small person without the ability to influence others or to move people to take action. So I need to ask for your help. What ideas do you have that we could try?

I have been looking for an address to write to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but have been unsuccessful. If anyone knows where this can be found, please let me know. I thought some of us could write letters to him to send in the mail, not as Americans or other countrymen, not as Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, etc., but as fellow humans. Without an air of anger, we could write diplomatically asking him to allow Iran's citizens more freedom of expression and equality. I think kindness and civility can accomplish more than anger. Sometimes when you ask nicely, you may be surprised.

Saturday, June 27, 2009


I received an email about the previous blog post regarding the forum. The forum I spoke of is not the forum I started in April. The link to that forum is on the left of my blog.

I left the Rosicrucianism forum in which the main contributor - and hence seeming representative - supports the oppression in Iran, as well as supports the cruelty that is being inflicted upon the protesters. Also, it appears that equality for women is not important, and there are many excuses as to why things shouldn't change. The owner of the forum seems to agree by his actions, and I will no longer be associated with that forum.

Tradition is out of style. New Rosicrucianism is IN. I will put in much effort to see that Rosicrucianism is universal in its approach. The New Rosicrucianism is all about Universal Mysticism. It is about Rosicrucianism as it applies to our lives TODAY, not hundreds of years ago. In this New Rosicrucianism, we are supporters of human rights for everyone around the globe, as well as equality.

Freemasons, you are not excluded from this movement. It's time you cease being so old-fashioned and let the women into your lodges. Your tradition of male exclusivity is outdated. This is 2009. Your lodges are starving for new members, so it is time you make some changes. Do this and you will see your membership numbers improve. The "secrets" are ready to be open for all in this age. Stop hoarding secrets out of your need to feel spiritually superior to others. Stop the selfishness.

Friday, June 26, 2009

I Have Not Felt Fire in My Belly for a Long Time Now

Until tonight.

I am keeping my cool, the fire burns but it is under control.

I have avoided political topics on my blogs since I started blogging five years ago.

I have avoided religious or political debates online.

Tonight, I am breaking my rules. Inaction, or trying to sit peacefully and idly by in the name of being spiritual is not going to get anything done when there is business that needs to be done.

It's been over a month since I posted to my blog and I feel this is a worthy topic so here I am tonight, posting once more.

The below message is one I have just published to a group I have belonged to for over a year. I am posting it here on this blog because I feel it carries a very important message.


I spent a lot of time today in contemplation (i.e. thought)... and I
started to wonder, "What am I doing here?"

Some of you have surprised me by brushing off the NEED of women in
other countries to have equality with men. Someone has said that
there are jobs in the US that women can't work because of strength
issues, or to leave it to the Ayatollah to make the rules. What has
strength got to do with human rights? Does a woman have to be
physically strong to run for president? Is it because she is weak
that she is forced to wear burdensome clothing and head covering in
the sweltering heat? Is it because she is weak that she can not
inherit property? Why is the woman the one that is stoned to death
when she is found alone with a male or even raped by a man?

I'm not asking for us to all go join the Peace Corps or anything, just
asking for those who represent this forum (i.e. the one who does the
most talking) to at LEAST show me a sign of the spark.

I am not a feminist claiming female supremacy. Quit making excuses
for those who oppress women. All I want to see is equality and NO

Where are the elder Rosicrucian role models, because when I signed on
to studying Rosicrucianism I had just assumed they all know we all
carry the same Divinity as the same Divinity carries us.

A couple or few of you have really surprised me and I am deeply
disappointed. This is something I feel passionate about and I can not
accept spiritual teachings and/or affiliation with a spiritual group
who does not at least start on grounds that all are equal.

This may very well be my ego speaking in a fiery mood tonight but it
is no doubt inspired by my Higher Self which KNOWS who we are and says
NO excuses. I see no signs of love in those that make excuses for the
lack of equality all around the world and the last thing I want to see
is a supposed Rosicrucian making excuses for oppression.

I respect the elders, but I will not agree to accepting this opinion.



Thursday, May 21, 2009


In a dream, I flew as high as I could fly. My arms were outstretched and I was yelling, "I LOVE flying!"

I woke up at 11:11 two mornings in a row.

The same Voice speaks to me through different people.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Soul Sharing

As I was preparing to fall asleep in the bed last night, I was struck by an interesting idea. I wonder if some of us share the same soul? That could explain why some of us seem to be so closely linked, and why some of us say some very uncanny things full of synchronicity between us... and why we can sometimes sense each other so easily.

Saturday, May 9, 2009


Going for the Gold

My bro Jims - who strives for the Gold, is passionate about Truth and good character... is optimistic always and has such wonderful energy!

Last night the I-Ching told me:

The Southwest furthers....
The Northeast does not further.

Jim lives in the Southwest!!! And indeed he has been helping to further me along the path. His light shines bright!

Seeking enlightenment, we often find ourselves alone on the path. Having fellowship with someone of like-mind is an awesome experience, and together we inspire and encourage the other (although I think he's helped me much more than I've helped him!).

Friday, May 8, 2009

Happy Flower Moon

What Does the Lovers' Book Say Today?

From time-to-time, I like to consult a book that was given to me a few years ago by my long-time friend Charlie.

I have a sort of mini-ritual I perform with it, and it's worked every time. It's kinda like consulting the I-Ching.

So tonight... I close my eyes and press the book to my forehead, saying, "Please give me a verse that applies to our journey right now." (Or something like that.) And so... with my eyes still closed, I flip through the book, and when it feels just right, I stop. I open my eyes and take a quick glance at the page, looking for what I was meant to read. And now, we have this, which I type for all my fellow lovers -

"A long chain of equivalences links all the lovers in the world." ~Roland Barthes, from _A Lover's Discourse_.

Ah yes. Gotta love mystical writings disguised as mundane romance. Just listen to the music on the radio and you'll hear what I mean.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

The Kybalion by The Three Initiates - Complete Audio Book

Click here to download the complete audio book. (196MB) 3 hours 23.16 minutes long

Or, it can be played chapter-by-chapter at this location: (which includes both lo- and hi- bandwidth for dial-up and high-speed.)

UPDATE: August 23, 2009 - It has been brought to my attention that the mp3 file above has somehow been cut short, ending somewhere in chapter 8. There are 15 chapters total. So, until I am able to find some time (very soon) to merge all the chapter files into one mp3, each separate chapter can be downloaded here:

Please let me know if you have any problems. I hope to get this corrected in the next day or two.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

A Resemblance

Is it just me or can you also see a resemblance between the image of the colliding galaxies and William Blake's painting?

The cluster of three galaxies is called Arp 194. The painting is by William Blake, called "Ancient of Days".

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Kybalion - Audio Book

I’ve looked everywhere for an audio book version of The Kybalion, and since the search came-up empty, I have decided to record it myself.

I’m not such a great speaker, lots of mispronunciations, errors, swallows and pauses for breath, etc., BUT, here you go:

Click here to download The Kybalion mp3.

UPDATE: August 23, 2009 - It has been brought to my attention that the mp3 file above has somehow been cut short, ending at chapter 8. There are 15 chapters total. So, until I am able to find some time (very soon) to merge all the chapter files into one mp3, each separate chapter can be downloaded here:

Please let me know if you have any problems. I hope to get this corrected in the next day or two.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Buzy Bee

Hi all. I have not had much time to keep in touch, so I created a forum where everyone can stay in touch with each other. Although that could be done on this blog or the other - as has been the case for some years now, the forum is created to more easily allow discussion between everyone so as to allow everyone the opportunity to bring up new subjects or topics.

The button below will allow you to join the forum should you be interested. Through your forum account's settings, you can choose to receive emails for every message, or you can receive the summary of messages posted once a day, or even a weekly summary, as well as choosing to only view messages online through the Yahoo group forum. If you choose to receive the email messages, you can respond to those messages via email or through the group online.

Much love!

Click to join RosicrucianSpirit

Click to join RosicrucianSpirit

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Where the Action Is....

This blog is slow right now - I haven't posted much here lately. Sometime I might resume posting regularly.

For now, most of the "action" is on the other blog I started some time ago - The Universe is the University -

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Wall Rainbow

Just a simple hello!

Sorry to everyone for my lack of communication lately, i.e. my failure to respond to emails or keep up. At this point I don't think I will be able to catch up so please give me some leniency and forgive me. (i.e. please don't take it personally!)

I am still thinking of you. I still love you. :)

Sunday, March 15, 2009

In Sync

Magic is a sister
sharing with a brother
Knowing that each word
from the other's mouth
is a synchronicity

Friday, March 13, 2009



I find it very hard
To contain my excitement
When I witness
The Beauty of Life
The Power of Love
The Brightness of Light


I feel like jumping
up and down

I wanna run
out the front door
and shout to the world

Do you feel it too?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Sitting on the Moon

I'm sitting on the moon
Watching planet blue, hello
Looking all around
Rotating without sound, where are you?
Where are you? I'm sitting on the moon
Where are you? I am missing you

I came from very far
A little unknown star, hello
I don't know what to do
It's so cold and blue, without you
Where are you? I'm sitting on the moon
Where are you? I am missing you


One Cat, One Love

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Following the Sun

"Following The Sun, To Find The One
Who`s Giving You The Wings To Fly
Following The Sun, The Golden One
Losing Sense For Space and Time

Can You Feel The Waves Of Life
(Can You) Hear The Sigh Of Love
Do You Believe In It ?

Following The Sun, Just For The One
Till You`ll Find The Door You Thought
Following The Sun, Like Everyone
Searching For A Sign Of Hope

Have A Look Up To The Sky
See The Billion Stars Above
Cos (Maybe) On One Of Them
You`ll Spend Your Further Life.."


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Nothing Delights Me More than His Skill with Gold

A small crystal ball
Released from the hands
Of a woman
Does not fall to break;
It glides through the air
As if in slow motion.

Arises from the ground,
A tall green beanstalk

A face
And mane
Of a lion

In the green grass
Wearing an ancient
White Grecian tunic
With a golden belt,
A man with blonde hair
Lies on his side
Playing a lyre.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

"We Fall Silent in Unison"

I saw a boy
He was wearing a
a blue sailor's cap
He was afraid
I held him
I told him he was loved
The next moment
His appearance changed
He was like black smoke
quickly rising up towards
a light at the end
of an orange tunnel

There was a dog
He was looking for a name
So I named him "Misnomer"

A hand
was waiting
to be held

A blue light
It was peace

A man showed me his watch
He raised it closer
to my eyes
so I could better
The face, a character
from a deck of cards
without his or her
Maybe it was a jack
but I am not certain
there weren't many features
a triangle, the three corners
an ace on top
bottom left a queen
bottom right a king

You Wanted to Know....

I am fine;
How could I not be?

I am in the company
of Angels.

I have not gone
but here,
where you are.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Indescribable, Inexpressible Life

How can I, a simple woman
Who is not a poet
Write a poem
About the most poetic thing of all?

How can I
Write a poem
About Life?

All the words of the world
are at my disposal.
Yet when I sit down to write,
I am speechless.

My hands, my tongue
Are not capable of saying
What my soul alone
Can express.

To know what words
I long to say but cannot,
You'll have to use a sense
That in a sense
You're not used to using.

You'll have to learn to listen again,
Not with your ears,
Not with your mind,
But with a faculty you had
Long before you were born.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

More Merging

This time I'm talking about merging on a smaller scale, but maybe what I'm doing is symbolic somehow of the big big BIG merging I was talking about earlier.

I'm taking my old blog and merging it with this one so that any patterns in possible growth can be more easily seen. By growth, I mean, how has my awareness of the spiritual realm changed over the years. What did enlightenment mean to me in say, 2005, and what does it mean to me now. How have I grown personally; have I made any improvements, made any changes, etc.

So, if you notice the archives have almost just doubled in size, that's why. The old and new are becoming one.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Pet Loss

After you've had your pet put to sleep, do you ever get over the mourning process? I am still finding it dreadful in that I keep finding myself doing things in the expectation that Princess is going to be here. For instance, just a moment ago I looked at the clock and said to myself, "In half an hour I need to feed Princess." But then it hit me - very sadly - that I don't have a Princess to wake-up to feed. In other words, how long will it take before my Princess-based habits subside?

Other than that, I am surprised at how well I am handling her death. My reaction has far exceeded my expectations and shows that I am making improvements in my self-control. A few times I have had some crying spells, but I am not obsessing on it. The most dramatic I've been was when we were in the vet's room, watching her leave us. I kept talking to her to make sure she knew we loved her, that we thanked her for her presence in our life, that it was OK to go home, that we'd never forget her. I talked to her until I was sure she was gone. (And it took me a little while to grasp that she really was gone. I even had to ask the vet if she was really gone.) I am sure the vet and his assistants thought I was nuts, but I didn't want to leave those words unsaid simply because I was worried about what other people thought of me.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


The Ego is like a cloud;
it blocks the Sun
from shining on what
needs Light to Be.

(P.S. (update) - I just realized that I did not properly center the image. Noticing such things, I think, is another trait of the ego. Perhaps, by refusing to center it, I am learning acceptance.)

Dream Date February 16, 2009

Unfortunately I waited too long to type out my dream, so most of it is forgotten. These are just some fragments that I remember:

I am out in public with another woman my age, and the top half of me is nude. I cross my arms over my chest to cover my breasts as best I can with my hands.

In the food court of a mall or public place, I walk-up (still half-nude) to the counter of a Little Caesar's pizza place. I think I remember ordering some pizza, but I definitely remember ordering some Crazy Bread.

I get a phone call on my cell phone from my boss (an unknown dream boss, from an unknown dream job I had). He asks me, "What have you been doing for learning?" I remember that I was getting ready to respond with, "Well, I've been doing some learning on my own."

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

It's a little late in the day, but...

Happy Valentine's Day

To all my Valentines!