Saturday, March 31, 2007

Setting Goals

I'm going to publicly state my weight-loss goal on my blog, because if I make it public, I'll feel more accountable for it. Without going into just how much I weigh at the present moment, I'll post some pictures from my past that show where I'd like to be this year. Also, just a warning, that if you're planning on taking antidepressants, be prepared for some weight gain! The medicines are infamous for this. Not only do they cause you to gain weight at rapid speed, but also, when you're depressed, you don't feel like doing anything, mon! So, you're sitting there getting fat and don't feel motivated to do a gosh darn thing about it! Then, one day, when you're not depressed anymore, you look in the mirror and say, "Oh my gosh." Totally shocked that this could happen to you, especially if you were one to take pride in keeping your body fit before you got fat.
(High school senior, 1996)

If you want to be spiritual, there are three things to keep in balance: Body, mind and spirit! The body is a vehicle for your spirit, or if you prefer the term, your body is your temple.

(High school senior, 1996)

Here is my goal: I'm going to lose 44.2 pounds. That still won't put me at my weight in high school, but it at least puts me to my ideal weight. The ideal weight calculator I used said I was 44.2 pounds overweight.

(Flag corps 1993/1994)

(Me and D. 2003? D looks miserable, had just had oral procedure.)

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Senryu for March 29, 2007

I wish for you all
Communion with a wise man
Sharing consciousness

Synchronicity Journal March 29, 2007

A little while ago I was checking my gmail account. The advertisement at the top of the page said something about "Genesis Study Chapters 1-11." A few minutes later I looked at the clock on my computer screen and it said "1:11".

Good, Good, Good, Good Vibrations!

I wanted to mention this earlier, but didn't get around to it. For the most part I have other areas of life that I am focusing on, such as trying to live in the present moment. Soon, I think I won't have to try; it might come natural, but everything takes practice. Due to my main goal of living in the Now, I have slowed down my study of astral projection. I gave-up on reading the book I was reading. However, Monday night I meditated for an hour. During the meditation, I attempted to have an astral projection. To assist me in my meditation and clearing of thoughts, I listened to some non-predictive sounds and music. The CD I used that night is called "Awakened Mind System 2.0" by Dr. Jeffrey Thompson of the Center for Neuroacoustic Research. It is probably my favorite new age CD, in that it is non-predictive, therefore perfect for meditation. Also, it contains plasma-wave audio recordings sent back from the Voyager Space Craft, that Dr. Thompson got through working with NASA and JPL.

For the first half hour, I meditated as usual. I mostly achieved quiet mind, though sometimes there was a random thought that manifested. I simply observed and went on with it. The next half hour, I worked on some projection techniques, such as climbing an invisible rope with my awareness hands for a while, and then I jumped on a trampoline with awareness legs and feet, feeling my body going up and down in the air. I also tried a ride up in an elevator, and lying in a hammock while the wind blows me back and forth. My hands felt heavy at first, and when I first started they began to tingle as though they were falling asleep. The good news is, that I began to experience some minor vibrations all throughout my body. I have read that this is a sign that one is about to project. I intend to practice some more during my meditation sessions. I'll keep you posted.

On Monday I bought a 3-CD set of PrimaSounds for $51.00. They are produced by the School of Wisdom. I've been interested in purchasing these since last year. I've listened to samples and did a little bit of research on the Internet. They are some of the strangest sounds I've ever heard, and even with the compressed samples that I listened to online, I experienced vibrating sensations while awake all throughout my body. If you're interested in checking out this series, visit I'll let you know of my experience after I try them out. They sent me a message on Tuesday saying they'd email me again when they have shipped them, and I haven't received that message yet. This is a good time for me to practice patience.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Won't You Let Me Be Your Teddy Bear?

My Little Big Man
One of my guardian angels

In Six Lines....

See with your eyes
Touch with your fingers
Smell with your nose
Taste with your mouth
Hear with your ears
Love with your heart

Music Speaks to Me

Since my spiritual transformation that began last month, music has changed. I used to listen to it without paying much attention to the words. They went in one ear and out the other. The notes were pretty much all that I focused on. Now the words carry new meaning, and they feel more personal, and many times I hear things in the songs that apply to my relationships, my actions, my experiences. Now, music gives me more chills than ever. It touches me in a new place, a place that I only recently discovered. Some could perhaps say that I have become simply over emotional, and that could very well be, but I much prefer to listen to music with my newfound sense. A song now brings tears to my eyes, chills through to the bone, feelings of elation and love. It's magical how things are so different for me. For more than 28 years I was asleep! I do not know that I am awake yet, and I don't want to say that I am because that would mean I'd have spiritual pride, and I don't want to be proud. I just want to be glad and happy.

It's funny, but I just realized something. As I was typing this, I was listening to Yes on my iPod. The song "Miracle of Life" started playing.

It's true. Life is a miracle.

Speed Surfing

I am getting high speed cable Internet on Saturday! I've been suffering with dial-up for too long; it's time for a change. Now I'll be able to visit all your blogs without having to sit and wait for the page to load. In addition to this, now I can download music from iTunes, watch videos on YouTube, listen to Internet radio, and talk to you guys on Skype or something! I don't know how Skype works but I'm going to figure it out. When I do, I'll tell you how to contact me and I'll put a link to my Skype contact on the blog.

My evolution was a bit slower than everyone else's, but finally I'm catching up. :) Now my little neuron at home will be able to receive and pass on information much faster than it's used to.

Daydream, Real Dream, Lost in Thought?

Last night as I was getting ready to fall asleep, I landed in some sort of visualization. I do not know if it was a daydream or a real dream, all I know is that I was lost in the thought for a short while, but what is strange is that I was not asleep yet. It seemed so vivid that I am tempted to call it a dream. It's undoubtedly influenced by a movie we watched the other night, called "Eragon". Eragon is about dragons and dragon "riders".

Anyway, on to the dream:

Dragons and camels are working together as a team. (That's it.)

I don't know what it means. Dragons are mythical creatures, camels are not. How do the two go together?

I've thought a little on this, and just now the thought occured to me that ideas and thoughts that I once thought of as mythical are now combining with the real. They are mixing in such a fashion that what once was not real is now mixed in a solution with what is real, so much so that the real is now a new real. I hope that makes sense. It confuses even me, and I'm the one that typed it out.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

From Me to You, All of You, Everything and Everywhere

Dear Universe,

I want to thank you for this experience, this life, and for the meaning that I am beginning to see in even mundane things. I am sorry that for almost two years I wanted to throw it all away, and that I even contemplated taking away this life that you have given me.

Now, I don't want to die. I want to keep experiencing and experimenting and learning and meeting people and so much more! But, lately, my fear of death has been disappearing, because I know deep within my heart that even when my body dies, I will keep on living. So, when the time arrives that I am to part from this earth, I will be able to face it with curiosity, wonder and courage. I am ready to live but I am not afraid of dying!



The Natural Spiritual Drug

Synchronicity makes me high. Who needs drugs?

Dream Date March 27, 2007

First dream:

I am skipping class in order to stay out in the hall to talk to friends. After class, I see the teacher walking down the hall, but it's too late for me to hide because he's already seen me. I try to think of a good excuse for missing class. "I just got here, actually." He's not pleased with me.

(Note: School dreams are recurring themes for me. Usually I am either running late for class or lost and trying to find the class.)

Second dream:

I am sitting in a semi-used recliner in a furniture store. There are other people sitting in chairs around me. We're trying out the furniture, and I'm buying the recliner I'm sitting in. I give the man money for the recliner, but only a little bit at a time, as if I am making payments every few minutes. Finally I ask him how close I am to having the chair paid-off, and he does some calculations on paper and says that if I lift my shirt the chair will be paid-off, so I lift my shirt.

(Note: Last night I meditated in my recliner for about an hour. The recliner looks slightly used, although I'd almost say it looks well used. Also, this is the second dream where I've lifted my shirt in one month, and this is now not at all like me. I haven't done anything like this since the time I was in New Orleans, which was in October of 2004.)

Monday, March 26, 2007

Are You Addicted to Someone?

I was reading Mark's blog this morning, and his most recent post discusses an addiction that not many would admit to: addiction to a person. We hear of addiction to drugs, sex, gambling and other areas of life, but what about being addicted to a person?

I am just as guilty as the next person in allowing myself to form addictions to people. It's very easy to do, really. Earlier in my life, and not too long ago, I felt that I needed love, and I looked outside of myself to find that love. I can still revert to this from time to time, even today. Getting love from other people seemed to fill this void that I had created within myself, and when others loved me, it gave me a high. I sought what it was I thought I was missing from other people. When I felt that I was getting that something from someone, I became addicted to them, and relied on them more than I should have in order to continue receiving that form of love, affection and acceptance.

For one thing, this void does not exist. There is not a void inside myself or yourself that needs to be filled with anything. It is all already there. And that means that love is already there, too!

Feel the love that emanates from within!


We are building a bridge.

Dream Date March 26, 2007

Just a very short dream to report on, the others are forgotten. It's much easier to remember dreams when I don't wake-up to an alarm clock.

I tell myself that I am developing a new sense.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Dream Date March 25, 2007

First dream:

I am in a bus going somewhere. Outside the window there is an animal that looks like a kangaroo but has wings like a bat. Most of us cheer for the animal, clapping our hands and cheerfully yelling for the animal. However, a couple people boo the animal, one of them even yells "Boo" in a bullhorn. I feel sorry for the animal, and so I yell at the people who yelled boo at the animal. "How can you boo like that? It's an animal!"

Second dream:

This dream is best left in the private files.

Third dream:

I am a modern-day gladiator of sorts. I have to be tied-up to a wall before the fight. In one match, I am fighting a black woman with very short hair. She is very quick. So quick, in fact, that while we are fighting she has time to slap my backside once. I laugh after she does it, mostly in disbelief that she is so quick.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Synchronicity Journal March 24, 2007

You may remember in my last post that I had a dream this morning that my friend sent me an email asking if I've seen anything white today.

A little while ago, I was visiting the blog that belongs to a woman that visited my art blog. Her most recent post is called "White Day".

Dream Date March 24, 2007

First dream:

I am in a store, and I see some dusty speakers. I go to work cleaning them, dusting them off. While I'm in the store, a man comes up to me and says he can read auras. He reads mine, and I can see what he sees, and it looks like he is looking deep into my eyes, and I see a tunnel of sorts as if he is looking deep into the blackness of my eyes. When he is finished, he gives me a red stuffed heart, as if to imply that by reading my aura he saw lots of love.

Second dream:

I am in a field, pulling up tiny baby trees. I try to get as much root growth with them as possible, so that I can replant them somewhere else. I see something moving around close to where I am, and upon further glance, I see that there are some rabbits in a nest of grass.

In another part of the dream, I am carrying a rabbit in my arms. I place the rabbit on the ground, so that it may meet another rabbit. One of the rabbits hits the other rabbit, much as a cat would hit another cat with its paw.

Third dream:

There is a baby in a cage. The baby doesn't have any arms, but has instead hands that come right out of its shoulder. The man that I've seen in other dreams is in this dream again. He is upset or worried, because he wants the baby and for some reason he can't get it. I help him get the baby. I get the impression that the man and I have a relationship.

(Note: I have seen this man in other dreams. I wonder to myself if he is attached to my soul in some way. If I ever figure out a way to astral project, I am going to ask him who he is.)

Fourth dream:

I am standing in line to see a religious man. He is sitting down, and everyone is waiting in line to sit on his lap in order to talk to him much as a child would sit on Santa's lap in the mall. He is wearing a cloth on his head much as a Sheikh would, as am I.

Fifth dream:

I receive an email from my friend asking if I have seen anything white.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Dream Date March 23, 2007

My dreams still reflect human emotion, just a warning, that they can be quite mundane.

I'm in love with an older man, and he is some sort of elemental. He is a man but he can turn into water. He loves me, too, but for some reason he ends up with another girl, and I see them kissing at a restaurant. I become jealous.

Due to the fact that he is with another woman, I turn my affections towards another man, the man who was my history professor in college.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Spiritual Love

Did you ever see the video on YouTube of the man who went around public places offering people free hugs? If not, I recommend that you watch it here. I'd like to offer something to you, and since I can't give you a hug because of physical space, I'd like to say I love you. If you ever feel lonely, or sad, or just want to hear those words from someone, let me know. Because, I love saying those three little words! I say them every time I part company from someone in my family, as well as every time I hang up the phone with them, because I never know when it will be the last time I get to say those words. So, the next time you need to hear someone say "I love you," send me a message! But, just in case I can't get to you right away, I'll say it here to hold you over until then: I love you! :)

Juan Mann One Love!

Don't Forget the Body of Body, Mind and Soul

Yoga class last night, oatmeal for breakfast this morning, broccoli and carrots for lunch, not to mention eyeballing the brownies on the table at work but working up enough nerve to walk by them without giving in to temptation. Also, started drinking diet soda today as opposed to regular.

I think I'm on to something, don't you? (I will have my hot bod back!)


I didn't voice this on my blog before, because I was confused by what I was feeling. But, when the synchronicities and 11:11 and 11 started happening, I soon began to feel that the world was about to end.

I do not know what this feeling means. Perhaps the feeling means that my old life is now in the past. In a way, my self has forever changed.

Life's Education

We are here to learn through trial and error.

Shadow vs. Reality

All I've seen are shadows on a cave wall. I feel that I've been released from the chains that bound me and I am starting to see what reality truly is. But I can't tell the others, for they'd say I was mad.

Plato's Allegory of the Cave

Dream Date March 22, 2007

First dream:

I am telling a man, "You should not should on yourself." (A friend that lives in Canada told me this a year or so ago. It means, you should not go about saying things such as "I should do this," or, "I should do that.")

Second dream:

A woman is playing the piano. I ask for the sheet music to the songs she is playing.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Dream Date March 20, 2007

I am in an office. A woman that looks like my old friend from elementary school comes into the room. (The woman's name is Lucy. We were good friends in elementary school, and after having not seen her for years, I worked with her for a short while in the beginning of 2002 at an insurance company.) She sounds as though she is scolding me, and if I remember correctly she was upset that the garbage can was full of shredded paper. I get up out of my chair angrily and walk up to her and yell at her, "Does it look like I'm the one that did that? Look at the copy machine and see all the shredded paper coming out of it? Whoever last used that copy machine is the one that filled-up this garbage can. It was not me!" I don't remember what happens next but later on in the dream I must have felt guilty for yelling at her, because I reached out and shook hands with her.

There are other weird things that I dreamed about, some of which involve a car race with our 1991 Firebird Formula, although in the dream it was the maroon color that it used to be, where as now it is painted black. Possibly in the same dream, but possibly in another dream, I bare my breasts.

Monday, March 19, 2007

The Frank Kepple Resource

Put on a mental seatbelt and read this:

The Frank Kepple Resource

It is long but well worth the read. It doesn't focus as much on techniques as it does the nature of reality. Frank describes consciousness as having four focuses, in which our physical realm is only the first focus. He says that when we astral project, we are not really leaving our bodies, we are simply switching our focus or awareness.

Some parts of this are emotional, and after I read it I found myself wanting to do retrieval work.

Here I am assigning myself tasks and I haven't even projected yet!

Anyway, a lot of this resonated with me. I hope you find it an interesting read, too.

My First Lucid Dream from October 13, 2000

Brian from Collective Consciousness asked about my first lucid dream. I had it on October 13, 2000. Here is the record from my dream journal:

I'm walking down a long hall. There are doors down both sides of the hall. I remember telling myself I must be dreaming, so I should do a reality check. I looked at my watch and the numbers looked funny. That's when I knew I was dreaming! At that point I became excited, but remember telling myself to remain calm, or I'd wake up. I knew I could do whatever I wanted! So I walked down the hall some more. I must have checked my watch three times! I wanted to go look in one of the rooms, but I must have been so excited I had a hard time telling what was in it. Then I woke up. [I've heard that if you try "spinning" around and around in your dream, you can keep dreaming without waking up, and it helps your dream come back to you if it begins to disappear. Didn't try that, though.]
At the time of having this dream, I was very much involved in college, so I didn't put a lot of effort into having more of these experiences, sadly. My focus was on studying and getting good grades. Now my focus is on seeing reality, or focusing my awareness to the real world which only encompasses the physical realm, which gives me leeway to explore dreams, lucid dreams and astral projection.

Bumble Bee

Even though I still haven't had any formal training on astral projection, I am very passionate about it and it is in my thoughts throughout the day. I believe that once I train myself properly, I'll have some luck getting out. Last night, as I was falling asleep, I focused on the elevator again, although this time I tried some other techniques along with it, such as climbing up a rope, or imagining myself sitting on a big red circle on the floor beside the bed. Last night was the first time I started to feel a buzzing sensation in my body. It didn't last long, perhaps only a second or two, but it was very clearly a buzzing feeling.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Getting Closer to Projecting?

I took a nap this afternoon and while I was laying in bed getting ready to fall asleep, I imagined myself in an elevator that was quickly going up. I must have started falling asleep because it seemed at one point that I was looking outside of my eyelids, even though they were closed. I could see my chest of drawers through closed eyelids. At another point, my hands were tingling. I do not know if these are phenomena and experiences experienced during the pre-projection phase, but I hope so. I've only read about 35 pages of the book and we haven't even got into how to project, yet, so it could be that simply my intentions are assisting me.

Dreams from March 18, 2007

First dream:

I am on a school bus. I can't find my clothes that I had in a bag, even though every one else has theirs. I ask the driver to stop the bus, because there is a star outside that I want to pick-up and take with me. She stops, and I go outside the door and grab the star, which is sitting by the top of a fence and looks like it's made of newspaper material. Later on, I find my clothes on the bus.

Second dream:

There is a small group of men and women that I'm in who like to go and do things outdoors, like hiking and such. The group is running out of ideas of things to do. Someone asks one of the women for ideas, and she says, "Ask Zohar's List."

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Please Send Loving Energy

Everyone, please send loving energy to my friend. He needs it right now, trust me. I won't go into details on the blog because he is a very private person, just know that now is a good time to keep my friend in your thoughts. Thank you so much.

Astral Book, Dreams from March 17, 2007 and Getting in Touch with Others

In order to get my mind off number 11, I have decided to distract myself with something else, and that something else is the study of astral projection. I gave in last night and opened the book that I got from the library, even though I'm in the middle of another book.

I slept all day today, with the exception of eating breakfast and lunch. It is now 6:12pm, just a minute ago it was 6:11pm, and I looked at the clock the very second that it changed from 6:10 to 6:11pm as if to emphasize the fact that I'm supposed to see the 11. If that is not enough, this morning I awoke for a brief while, just in time to glance at the clock and see 9:11am. This morning I opened the book to a random page in order to find where I had last left off. The page that I accidentally opened it to was page 11.

I am not depressed again. That is not my reason for sleeping all day. The reason that I slept all day is that the astral projection book calls for a week of dream recall before I can move on to the next level, which is called "Awareness". As the book is due back to the library on April 4th, I don't have a week to spare. The book specifically states that the reader should not read on until they have accomplished the exercises. So, I slept today so that each time I awoke I could instantly take action to recall my dreams. The book says that upon awakening in the morning, the reader should not move an inch. Instead, upon awakening, the reader should get into the feeling of the last dream, so that it can assist in the recall of the dream's story. This is a habit one must get into. Usually in the morning I am prone to laying in bed after turning off the alarm clock. I lay there and just shift positions in a groggy state for a while until my husband forces me out of the bed.

These are the dreams I have remembered from today. The first dream is from waking up first thing this morning, and I hardly remember any of it. The second dream is just bits and pieces of images I recall after waking up the second time. The third dream is just a vocal remnant. The fourth dream is more of a story line that I was better able to recall after waking up the third time.

First dream:

I am in a museum of sorts, where they show life-size models of a creature that looks like the creature from the black lagoon. I buy a small model as a souvenir. There is a little tag on it that says, "This creature started off in Maryland, but ended up in New York."

Second dream:

I see hamsters in a cage. One bites the hand of the handler of the cage, which I think is a child.

I remember seeing Jack Nicholson sitting in a chair, and by him on the bed was a baby that was sitting up and looking at me. I asked Jack, "Is that Stephanie? I hardly recognized her!" The baby resembles a young woman named Stephanie that I knew in the dream; it was as though she regressed back to a baby.

In another part of the dream, I ask my mother to pick up my friend Josslyn. (Josslyn was my best friend in high school.) She needs a ride to our house and her own mother can't bring her. I get the impression that we're going to a bar, and I am making Kool-Aid to put into a thermos to bring with us. I search for an appropriate thermos.

Third dream:

I am half awake/half asleep. I hear myself singing the same words over and over again. The words are, "La vita, la vita, la vita, la vita, la vita" and on and on.....

Fourth dream:

I live across a small field from my boss. My toilet is outside, and is surrounded by light bushes, not many bushes to provide much privacy. I go to the bathroom on the toilet and worry that my boss/neighbor can look out his window and see me. I flush and hear the toilet and then I go to wash my hands in the sink that is also outside.

In another part of the dream, my boss has hired me to do some physical labor. I am supposed to use a shovel to remove parts of his wooden deck so that nothing but the dirt beneath is showing, in order that the next day or so he may install some concrete for a driveway.

Next, I am inside his house, which is like a pool of sewage. I swim/climb around in the sewage doing clean-up work, grabbing parts of dressers and trinket boxes and jewelry that has fallen into the sewage. I find a trinket box and take it to his wife. She seems a little disappointed that I have found it in the sewage because the box meant a lot to her. She says, "That is the little box he got me for our anniversary."
I'm proud of myself for remembering three dreams. I think I am ready to move on to the next phase of the book.

I found it interesting that the book mentioned Dr. Charles T. Tart, who is a parapsychologist that I got in touch with at one phase of my journey. My purpose for getting in touch with him was to ask if he had any tips for me that could help induce Exceptional Human Experiences. The book mentions him to describe his capacity in the field of research into "lucid dreaming, astral projection, ESP, and the psychedelic effects of LSD and marijuana." In particular, the book mentions an experiment he did with astral projection, in which a girl named "Miss Z" left her body to read a five-digit number on a wall. When she awoke, she reported the number "25132", which was correct.

The book also talks about Greek, Egyptian, Biblical and Tibetan ideas of a subtle body, as well as gives hopeful descriptions of what the future might be like with the use of the tool of astral projection. We think we have it good with the Internet and email? Wait until astral projection becomes common knowledge. Just think then how we will be able to communicate!

If anyone is interested in following along and joining me in my self-education of astral projection, pick up John Magnus's Astral Projection and the Nature of Reality. We can work together.

Yesterday I placed some ads on Craigs List. I am going around to the most highly populated cities on the list and placing ads titled, "Synchronicity, 11:11 and More...." My purpose for doing this is to place myself in contact with others who may currently be going through the same thing I am. I have received some very interesting responses, which may lead to some thought-provoking discussions. (Aside from the one or two I got that said something like, "Tell me more and give me your phone number so I can call you.") I know Craigs List well enough to know that even when placing ads in the Plantonic Only section, men will still try to use the list in the hopes of having a sexual rendezvous. Having said that, I'd like to say that I see nothing wrong with carrying on on the telephone. I just expect that I know the purpose of the telephone call is to talk about one of the subjects as seen on my blog. I have talked to one or two of my blog readers, and maybe someday I'll talk to more. It's nice to have a voice connection, at least until we advance enough to speak telepathically. :)

I apologize for making this post unbearably long. I hope I have not brought any of you to boredom. If you've managed to read this far, congratulations! you have read the longest post to date on my blog.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Leave the Light On

Eleven is calling me home. Will you please leave the light on for me so that I can find my way to the front door? It looks like you've turned it off and now I'm feeling around in the dark again.

. .-.. . ...- . -.

.-- .... --- / --- ..-. / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / - .... . / -. ..- -- -... . .-. /
.---- .----

On Thoughts

Alex posted an email from Dar on his blog, and in it, she gave some instructions to a simple exercise. The instructions were to close my eyes and think to myself, "I wonder what my next thought will be?" For a surprisingly long time after that query, my mind was quiet. It seems as though while purposefully looking for thoughts, I couldn't find any!

After I opened my eyes, I had a rush of thoughts, such as how there are so many opposites in the world, good and evil, man and woman, yin and yang and so forth. I think about male and female forces, and conjure up ideas of a God and Goddess. I think that for things to be more complete, man and woman unite, and then I end-up on a page about kundalini tantra. Having been celibate for more than two years, I don't know how I'd incorporate this into my life. I feel as though I've been saving my sexual energy as part of my spiritual journey. Anyway, that's as far into the subject as I want to get right now.

Next I thought about a discovery I made online yesterday about the number 11, the number I've been seeing all over the place. It's difficult to interpret what some of this stuff means, but in the Liber AL vel Legis which I discovered yesterday, it says this:

"16. I am The Empress & the Hierophant. Thus eleven, as my bride is eleven."

"60. My number is 11, as all their numbers who are of us. The Five Pointed Star, with a Circle in the Middle, & the circle is Red. My colour is black to the blind, but the blue & gold are seen of the seeing. Also I have a secret glory for them that love me."

I think about pseudonyms I've used online, identities, and how they resemble names I'm running into in my research online the past couple of days. I wonder about past lives and if some of these people could have been me. At the time of choosing these pseudonyms, I had no knowledge of these people, but now I'm finding some resemblances.

Allan Moffatt's Angel Poems

my heart
has tender desires
that come back,
to Rest

even in the sea spray,
the dolphin's jump
and the camel's lope
I see you,

(Reprinted with permission)

If you're in the mood for something from a higher dimension, venture over to Angel poems: Personal Poetry by an Archangel

More than a year ago I ran into Allan Moffatt on the internet while browsing through spiritual blogs. What I saw was a page that radiated light and colors, wonder and beauty. I asked Allan to write a poem for me, and to draw an angel drawing. I don't know what process he goes through to write these poems, but I think he channels an angel named Raphael to write them. This is the poem he wrote for me back in November of 2005:

There’s a sun always shining in this heart of mine.
It makes the roses bloom; it makes the sky clear.

No-one knows the trouble I’ve seen
nor the heartbreak
I’ve felt
in all the world.

Trans - muter.

When I first read this, I knew that Allan was somehow divinely inspired. This poem was me! Even reading it one year and four months later I still feel awe-struck at how much this poem speaks about me, and it gives me chills.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Who Wants a CD?

I was going through my CDs tonight looking for a chakra meditation. I came across a cheesy new age CD, and if anyone wants it, just let me know and I'll send it to you. I like new age music, but this is a little cheesy for me and maybe it's more your style. It's called "Your Moon, My Star" by Stephen Jacob. Look it up on and see if it's something you think you'd like. If you live in the states I can send it to you. Whoever emails me first gets it.

Here's the CD on Amazon that shows the track listings, but they don't have any samples.

Galactic Questions

Head over to Cliff Pickover's Galactic Question Center blog and check out his most recent question. Answer in the comments on his blog. Comments are made available after he checks them over. This is another good way for me to get to know my readers.

Out with Friends, or More Like With-out

For lunch we went to a bar in the city. As it so happened, that same city has/had a basketball game going on for the NCAA tournament; it was on the t.v. I thought to myself, "I wonder if the camera men from one of the news channels will come here." Ten minutes later they showed up. With the way my frame of mind has been lately, I would almost say that maybe I'm psychic.

My coworker/friend - the one who's leaving tomorrow - actually agreed that the card I gave him was a good form of synchronicity, if ever there was one. To know that someone else witnessed it made me feel good. This is the same friend who joked yesterday that I would be going to Hell because I'm not Christian. That's the only thing that makes me uncomfortable when I'm around him. In the car on the way to lunch, I can't talk to anyone about how I'm feeling, or what I'm going through; they're too busy in conversation about church and communion. I try not to get frustrated that I have hardly anyone to talk to about my path of spirituality. Sometimes I even have doubts, and I think that maybe if I conform I won't feel so lonely. I daydream about giving up and asking my boss to help me find the Lord. I just wanted something to fill my heart, even though I know that if I want Love I'm going to have to find it within. This is not an easy route. It isn't painless. But I don't want to give up because for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm getting somewhere spiritually. Life is a coin right now. Heads and I'm the happiest I've ever been, yet tails and it's also the most painful experience I've known. Anyway, these are my thoughts and all they do is get in the way, except when I'm replaying synchronicities in my head, or other unusual situations and contemplating what they mean.

Buffer Full

I'm experiencing too many messages today.

It is overwhelming me.

This is madness, I'm sure of it.


Love is the Law

When to Let Go

There is something I'm supposed to let go of. That is what the universe has told me today. I'm listening!

Three blogs I've read in a row this morning had the words "let go" in one of their posts. It started when I was reading Reiki 4 Life's blog, then Desiree's blog and finally Alex's blog.

These are the posts that contain the words "let go":

"...Let Go" found on Reiki 4 Life's blog (Interesting that these words were capitalized in the middle of the sentence.)
"I needed to let go!" found on Desiree's blog
"...truly let go" found on Alex's blog

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Shopping, Synchronicity

I went out shopping tonight, and then to the library. I bought some greeting cards for friends and family members. People like it when you show them that you've thought of them. One of the cards I got for my coworker who is leaving tomorrow. When I saw the card, I thought surely it was made with me in mind. On the outside there is a cartoon dog with a red bow in her hair, red collar, and red bow on her tail. It says, "There must be some kind of mystical telepathic link between us. Just the other day I was in a store reading a card, and I thought about you...." The inside says, "...and now you are reading the same card and thinking about me!! (It's GOT to be more than just coincidence!)" When I found this card, I just laughed quietly to myself. Just yesterday I told K. that I thought he and I had a telepathic link, because we thought of the same thing the same day. The world is so amazing. Hello, Universe? I love you!

Later I went to the library. I got some musical CDs and a book. These are the CDs I picked up:

The Beatles: Love
Joan Osborne: Pretty Little Stranger
50 First Dates soundtrack
Timothy Leary: Right to Fly
Yo-Yo Ma Plays Ennio Morricone

The book I picked up is called Astral Projection and the Nature of Reality. I don't know that I'll ever get around to reading it; I'm still in the beginning of another book. What do you guys think about astral projection? Do you have anything to say on the subject?

Happy Pi Day, Synchronicity, Hurdy Gurdy Man

As I was a math major in college, Pi Day is one of my favorite days.

Granted, the real Pi Day occured in the year 1593, since pi rounded to the millionth place is 3.141593.

The realist painter Georges de la Tour was born on March 14, 1593.

This has brought me to a new experience of synchronicity. Last night, I misheard a commercial on television. I thought the song they were playing was "Hurdy-Gurdy Man". It turns out that it was not; they were playing another song. Just now, I was reading a page on Georges de la Tour, and one painting they show on the page is called, "The Hurdy-Gurdy Player."

Here are the lyrics to the song that has been playing in my head for weeks, although I do not remember where I heard it:

ARTIST: Donovan
TITLE: Hurdy Gurdy Man

Thrown like a star in my vast sleep
I opened my eyes to take a peep
To find that I was by the sea
Gazing with tranquility

'Twas then when the hurdy gurdy man
Came singing songs of love
Then when the hurdy gurdy man
Came singing songs of love

Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy gurdy he sang
Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy gurdy he sang
Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy gurdy he sang

Histories of ages past
Unenlightened shadows cast
Down through all eternity
The crying of humanity

'Tis then when the hurdy gurdy man
Comes singing songs of love
Then when the hurdy gurdy man
Comes singing songs of love

Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy gurdy he sang
Hurdy gur-dy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gur-dy, hurdy gurdy hurdy gurd
Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy gurdy he sang
Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy gurdy he sang

Here comes the roly-poly man
He's singing songs of love

Roly poly, roly poly, roly poly poly he sang
Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy gurdy he sang
Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy gurdy he sang
Roly poly, roly poly, roly poly poly he sang

(And one verse by George Harrison):

When the truth gets buried deep
Beneath a thousand years asleep
Time demands a turnaround
And once again, the truth is found
Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy...

Eleven? You Betcha.

If I ever go to a casino, I'm betting on number 11. I thought last night that I knew the reason I've been seeing the number. I thought that with that answer the number would stop. I'm still seeing 11. This morning, I got out of the shower. Normally I'm out by 6:15am to 6:17am. When I stepped out of the shower this morning and looked at the clock, it was 6:11. I get to work, look at the clock, it's 7:11. And that's not all, I see 11 on the dashboard of the car, I see 11 on timestamps, 11 on emails, 11 on newsgroup postings, numbers that are divisible by 11, basically, the number continues to haunt me. I thought the universe would stop showing me the number once I got the message. Either I don't have the right message or I'm going to be haunted by 11 for the rest of my life.

Last night I figured it out, thanks to the help of my spiritual friend, buddy, confidante, whatever you want to call him, I'd even call him spiritual advisor, although he'd prefer to say I figured it out all on my own. The number 11 looks like two people standing side-by-side. If those two people are holding hands, they are connected. It is a symbol of unity. It doesn't just apply to couples, it applies to everyone, to nations, to races, to ages, to old people, children, men and women. The answer is unity. Do not stand divided. Metaphorically speaking, hold hands. One and one make two which makes one when the gap is bridged.

On Attachment to People, Places and Things

The universe continues to teach me that getting attached to people is not where it's at. While it is difficult, I am trying to put human emotions behind me. For the most part, any time I've gotten attached to someone, with the exception of my family and husband, I've realized just how fleeting human relationships are. Friendships do not last, much as the pleasures found in material objects do not last.

In the more than four and a half years of working in the same place, I turned a coworker into a friend. I told him more about me than any of my coworkers. I guess you could say we bonded - two humans relating tales of human survival. Today I got word that tomorrow is his last day with this organization. We made promises to each other to stay in touch, but deep inside I know that we won't. It's not that we don't care, we just have other areas of life to spend our attentions on.

When the wind blows, the sand scatters.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Enlightening Commercials

"Master, where can I find enlightenment?"

"The Yellow Book."

Just a commercial I saw tonight. My friend would know the meaning.

Where It's At

So much time in thought, thinking, "Please let there be something special about life."

There is.

I'm in the Picture

Here's something eerie that just happened to me. I do not know that I have the ability to describe it. Think of it like this: I saw myself from out there in my mind's eye. It was as if I was looking at myself from eyes that were not my own. Yet, there were no eyes out there looking at me. Mind melding.... very frightening.

Synchronicity Journal March 13, 2007

I was reading a short article on dendrites, and came across the word “soma”. Just minutes before I was reading Leighton Cooke’s blog, where he had mentioned the word “soma”.

In the article on dendrites, they use “soma” to define the main portion of the neuron, or nerve cell. In Leighton’s blog, he used “soma” to define a spiritual drug.

Here and There and Everywhere

The blogosphere, where each blogger is like a neuron passing information on to the next neuron. Want to see something fascinating? Take a look at a map of the internet.

See how they resemble neurons in the brain, passing information from one to the next?

Here are some images of neurons, courtesy of the IBM/EPFL Blue Brain Project:

Phone lines, cables, dendrites? Bloggers, neurons? The Internet, one big brain?

Moment of Insight

A-ha moments are the best. This isn't exactly spiritual, but I love it when this happens. For a number of minutes this morning I was looking through flow charts trying to find a storage variable. I couldn't find it anywhere, yet I knew I needed it at one point in the testing phase. A coworker came to my desk to talk about something unrelated, although at one point in the conversation I told her I couldn't find the variable. She said she'd go to her desk to try to find it. The second she walked away, it was like a light bulb flickered on in my head. I remembered where the variable was! It was in a parameter table! I told her that she should hang around my desk more often, because she gave me insight without meaning to.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Dream Journal Week of March 5, 2007

I had a dream several days ago that I never got around to posting. It's very short really, but I think may mean much more.

I was drinking out of a cup. I kept filling the cup over and over, drinking more and more, but my thirst was not quenched.

Spiritual thirst, perhaps?

Good Timing, Again

I hadn't talked to Chris the past couple days. About five minutes ago I started watching a video that he had put together. While I was watching it, I got an email stating that he had commented on my blog.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Olly Olly Oxen Free

On this day the 11th, I run into 11 more times than would seem normal. It has become a game of hide-and-seek or kick-the-can between me and the universe.



Friday, March 9, 2007

Yes, But I'm Weird, Too?

I just got back from having a discussion with my husband. I've asked him again tonight if he would take me to a Unitarian Universalist church on Sunday. His response, "I don't want to go. There's a bunch of weird people in those places." Little does he know that by insulting them he's also insulting me, because I have a strange feeling that I'd fit right in with these "weird people". I just have such a strong desire to connect with people right now.

Great Minds Think Alike

A few days ago at work, a coworker came to me and told me about something she had read in Yahoo! news. There is some missing crust by the Canary Islands, and in its place is green rock that comes from deep inside the planet. I said, "Who knows, maybe it could be Atlantis?" She laughed, not because it was funny, but because she had thought of the exact same thing.

Here is the article:

A List of Symptoms - Come Out Come Out Wherever You Are

I think I'm starting to get used to this new shift in reality that I am experiencing. It is less worrisome, especially after my friend gave me some reassurances. I've had a whole host of physical symptoms which at first made me think I was going insane. Anyway, if this is what it is like to be insane, I'll gladly accept that label from society. I only wish that those who would call me insane could see the world as I have these past few days, with eyes of a newborn baby seeing the world for the first time. I feel as though I am looking at the world with a new sense of wonder. I have so much more exploring to do as I feel my way around this new place.

I feel that now I can tell you of some of the physical symptoms I've had. I am starting to worry less and less about what others will think of me. Here is a small list. If you've experienced any of these, please let me know. I know they say that misery loves company, but this isn't too miserable now, although at first it was frightening. It would be delightful to hear from other people who have experienced any of these or even other symptoms.

-Rapid and hard heart beat, feels like a heart attack, I'd think. I went to the emergency room when it first started happening. They gave me an EKG and then told me that everything was fine. They must've thought I was nuts. At one point I could even hear my heart beating.

-A rush of information pouring into my brain. Ideas coming out of no where. It felt as if I had become more intelligent than usual.

-Noises in my ears, or sounds that sounded like rushing water, or a whooooshing noise that had a rhythm to it. I experienced this again last night.

-My body jerking without control. This happened last night more strongly than it has the past few nights. If someone saw me, they'd think I was probably having a seizure.

-Dreams that are more vivid than usual.

-Extreme heat, even when the temperature in the room is normal or even cool. At one time, I felt so hot that I had to roll my car window all the way down even though my husband said it was cold outside.

-Seeing 11:11 or 11 all over the place.

-Synchronicities occuring at a rapid pace.

-Deeper meaning in songs or even commercials.

-Changes in vision, such as sensitivity to light, one day seeing things extraordinarily clearly as if my vision's focus improved ten-fold. Other days vision is a little blurry.

-Suddenly feeling more connected to everyone, even seeing old friends in a new light.

-Feeling like I can't sleep, and sometimes feeling extremely nervous or anxious.

That's all for now. Come out of your shells; let's talk about this.

Oh my. It's 11:11.

A Welcome Message

Last night I was watching some basketball with my husband. A couple times a commercial came on that really seemed to have new meaning. It was a Cisco commercial. It said, "Welcome to the human network." I do feel that I am part of a network, now. I feel more connected to everyone and everything. Even you guys, some of my old friends from my old blog, feel different to me than before. I see you in a new light. While you were important to me before, you have even greater meaning now.

Even on the Phone

A couple nights ago, I was phoning my mother. I dialed her number, but didn't hear the ring tone. Instead, I heard the tones of someone dialing a number. I said, "Hello?" Then, I heard my mother's voice. "Hello, Sophia? Is that you?" "Yes, mom, it's me." She said, "That's weird. I didn't hear the phone ring and I was dialing you and you're already on my phone." We were both calling each other at the exact same moment.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

And So the Strangeness Continues

Right after posting that last post in which I mentioned September 11, I got an email about September 11th, from someone at work.

The Lights are Too Bright Now, Balance, September 11th and Love

The lights around me now are bothersome where as before they were not. To make matters worse, today they installed a new flourescent light above my desk. I walk outside and the sunlight seems just as bad. I feel as though I am swimming in light. I think of that song that goes, "Blinded by the light...."

11 continues to show-up continuously. I ask myself, "Will this stop, or will it keep happening?" I also wonder, "Do I need to do anything else?" It's not that I want it to stop, I just thought that my goal had already been reached and that the signs would stop. Maybe this is an ongoing process.

The past few days I keep seeing things related to September 11th. They are sad reminders, but I wonder why they keep showing up.

Today the largest word in my ZoomCloud is "balance". I think Alex's joke about ZoomClouds being psychic readings might be right, because today I feel a strong sense of balance in my life, even though this morning I was a little shaky.

On a side note, I've taken care of something personal that I've thought on-and-off about taking care of for more than a year now. Now I can move on. As the song on the radio said yesterday on my way home, "Obladi Oblada Life Goes On...."

I think that yesterday was the first time in my life that I had ever experienced bliss. Spiritual bliss is love. Some years ago I thought I knew what love was, but now I know I do. What is even more special, is that all of you are a part of it.

I still have questions... lots and lots of questions. While I have access to my friend, I'll ask him.

By the way, some of you are spiritual teachers. You may not realize it, but we are each placed here to reach a goal of some sort, and when we cross paths with each other, we learn lessons that help us achieve that goal.

Lessons may be difficult to learn at first, but when you study them closely, they are truly beautiful. They bring us forward, and so we move on.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007



I See Things - A New Way of Looking at the World

Suddenly it's all making sense. People that have been placed in my path in the past and now, had and have a purpose, and me, like a fool, I put up such a fight in the beginning. I created obstacles that slowed down my own growth, and possibly even the growth of others! I emotionally abused some of these very important people! Inside of me I am wrought with both joy and despair. Joy in that I am becoming, and despair in that I did wrong to some very extremely important people.

These are the souls I'm seeing today:

The Wise Man - put in my path to give me reminders as to who I really am!
The Jester - Comes around from time to time to bring humor to the journey. I guess it doesn't always have to be so serious!
The Hint Man - Comes around and posts hints about the global consciousness, but no one is listening.

I see people who are still sleeping, that I wish I could make wake-up!

It is my belief that two out of these three have no idea that they have a special purpose. These two may or may not know who they really are. I wish I could tell them, but they'd call me insane.

The Internet as Part of Evolution

I get the sense that we are evolving. I know some of you feel this, too! But, what are we evolving towards? Unity? Which is, from what I think, where we all came from. It is interesting to note that the Internet has been a tool with which to reach a greater sense of unity. This Internet is linking us together, giving us greater access to each other until the day comes that we are able to contact each other without any electronic medium. (I know, that idea might right now seem a little far-fetched to some, but keep an open mind!) It's like I mentioned the other day on Alex's blog - the Internet is like one great big electronic collective consciousness.

Dream Date March 7, 2007

Yet another in a continuing series of school-related anxiety dreams. School seems to be my recurring theme.

I am going into a math class. I don't have my homework done. The teacher tells me that she is kicking me out of the class. "Please," I beg from my desk. "Please don't kick me out. This is the last math class I need to graduate."

Strange that I would dream of this, considering that in high school and college I always had my homework finished.


"I see," said the cat to the dog when the dog said, "Woof!"

Just an inside joke between me and the universe.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

11 Overload

I've seen 11 more times than I am able to count, today. It's almost funny the number of times I've seen it.

I mentioned balance partners today, tomorrow I'll do a short post on animals, or more especially, pets. I'm worn out; no energy to post my thoughts tonight on animals, so I'll save it for tomorrow when I'll have more than enough time.

Goodnight, World.

On Balance Partners and the Number 11

Since the advent of the web, it seems that we are more likely to cross paths with what is known as a Balance Partner. I was Googling search terms like soul friend balance, and ended up on a page that speaks about Balance Partners. It made perfect sense to me.

You know how sometimes you cross paths with someone that seems to just bring balance back into your life? Balance partners can be any sex, male or female. As the page says, be careful about confusing your balance partner for your soul mate, as it is highly unlikely you will meet your soul mate in your lifetime. Also, bringing human emotions into the relationship can cause you to lose your Balance Partner. It is highly possible that you will never physically meet your Balance Partner.

The soul is a very mystifying concept. It is up to things that we have no idea about on the human level! We are too human to even begin to understand the concept of soul mate or even balance partner. It is so much different than petty human emotions!

Reading the article below made me feel like my head was just swarming with energy. Check out the entire page, but be sure to especially read the part about Balance Partners. I've included another link below that further describes the concept. I don't know that I agree with part of the page that talks about the sexual experience. I personally think sex has nothing to do with souls uniting, it is a physical human thing. (I should know - I've been celibate, more than two years and counting!)

On a completely separate note, I've been seeing the number 11 all day. Not 11:11, strangely, just 11, in numerous places.

On ZoomClouds and Talking to Strangers

I was reading Alex's blog this morning, and I thought to myself, "I want a ZoomCloud, too!" So, I clicked on the link on his blog and went and created my own ZoomCloud.

It surprises me how out-of-date I am when it comes to computer technology, and believe me, I used to keep-up with it. As I was applying for a ZoomCloud, it asked me for the URL of my RSS or Atom feed. Excuse me? I have never used feeds before, so I didn't have a clue. After some research on Google and Usenet I found the answer. All I had to do was apply either a rss.xml or atom.xml to the end of my URL. So, on the right side of my blog you will find the new ZoomCloud. These clouds count words on your blog and display them in a box, their size indicative of the number of times that particular word has been used on the blog. I am not surprised to see that the word "life" is the largest. I think ZoomClouds can tell you a lot about yourself. I know I learned a little bit just by looking at mine.

Next, I went over to Cesar's blog and read his latest post, in which he describes an encounter he had with a perfect stranger. Many times in this world today we do not want to reach outside of our comfort zones to enter into dialogue with a stranger. Cesar did just that, and he enjoyed it, too! I think it says a lot about him that he would enjoy conversing with a stranger and actually enjoy hearing that stranger tell him about his life. He didn't get bored; he listened, and he found some synchronicities, too!

These are some words from his post that I think really stood out, and could have more meaning behind them than meets the eye:

"...The highlights of a lifetime relived to relieve (pardon the pun) the boredom of waiting for our turn." While Cesar is talking about waiting to go into the doctor's office, I think that we are all waiting our turn for something special! I don't know what that is just yet, but I'm waiting to find out.

Monday, March 5, 2007

Smile - More Synchronicity!

Remember the bright happy smiley face I posted earlier today?

Right after work, my husband and I silently drove to one of our friend's houses. In her neighborhood, on a streetlight pole, was a big smiley face sign. I laughed. My husband says, "What's so funny?" I respond, "I just saw a smiley face on a pole." His response, "Yeah?" as if he doesn't get why it's so funny. I explain.

OK, enough of this for now. Tonight I have to take it easy. If I'm too excited about it, I won't be able to pay attention to Heroes on t.v. Besides, I know I'm headed for a day of fatigue, soon, just like last week.

Describing Physical Symptoms

Over the past few weeks I've noticed, along with the synchronicities, some physical changes as well. The first, is that I feel hot, or very warm, when I normally otherwise would be sitting at my desk with a blanket around me. The heat makes me feel like I'm sweating a little bit, and I'm not usually a heavy sweater.

I feel more awake and alert.

Today I noticed that inside my forehead I feel a strange sensation. It's not painful like a headache or anything, and it's not really a pressure, it's just a swirling sensation.

I'll be reading on the web later to see if these could be symptoms related to spiritual awakening.

Smile - it's Contagious

This picture shows what I feel like today. Looking at it, do you feel the same way? Have you noticed how most of the time it is easy to smile at someone and actually be smiled back at?


This is great. On the internet, reading a blog, look at the clock, 11:11!
I just have to laugh along with the universe.

Dream Date March 5, 2007

As I'm typing this several hours after my normal morning routine, I have forgotten many of the details, but this is the general story line of my dream.

I am a slave, and I am with other slaves. I am not a slave in America, I think I am a slave in another world. I see my band instructor from high school. He has freed us, and we are running quickly away towards safety. Someone grabs me and pulls me into a room. I ask them, "What are you doing? I'm trying to get away!" And she says to me, "We're collecting people."

Sunday, March 4, 2007


7:04pm, I see 11:11 on a timestamp, only moments after making a post about 1:11 and 11:11.

111 1111 1:11 11:11

111 again. At 6:57pm.
There seems to be an 11:11 following on the web, but I wonder what it means to also see 1:11 or 111?
Strange, it's the number of new messages that are in the newsgroup known as "Mind's Eye".

On Closed Minds and What it's Like to be a Mind Alone

I love everyone in my family, I mean dearly love them, I would give my life for them. I wouldn't wish to have another family ever. I sometimes just wish that I could talk to them, and that they'd understand me. These are just some examples of what I experience when I'm around them. We were in a conversation today about what we want done with our bodies after death. I mentioned that Timothy Leary's body was sent to outer space. My dad just rolled his eyes and said, "Oh God, Timothy Leary." Timothy Leary was an experimenter and an explorer. I think he set out to do things with consciousness that others would be too afraid to do. But, my dad looks at him as though he is a bad person. Then, later as we're eating, we're talking about something else, I forget the subject, and my husband says something like, "Well, look at the weird things you read on the internet and actually believe." While my husband is more open to exploration and experiences, he does seem to sometimes suffer from the closed mind syndrome. I talk to him about what I'm going through, and sometimes it seems like he teases me about it. He can't take me seriously. This is when I feel the most alone. So, I'm glad for you, those who happened to wander over here and actually know what I'm talking about, and those of you who understand me, and even those of you that will come to this blog in the future and think, "I know what she's talking about, I've been there, done that."

I don't feel special, but I do feel different. Yes, I mean different in both ways, that the feelings I'm going through are new to me and different than what I've felt before, but also that I feel different from everyone else, that there aren't many like me out there. So, I will seek you out, if I have to spend the rest of my life searching blogs just to find other souls like me, souls who are noticing a change.

There is a soul that came out and found me recently, and I'm glad she found me. Her name is Desiree. This is the kind of friend I'd like to have living in my city. Just imagine the conversations we could have and the changes we could make if we could work together! Desiree wants to change the world! You go girl! Let's Change the World

Dream Date March 4, 2007

Another thing that I think is the direct result of what I'm going through, is that my ability to recall my dreams has improved two-fold. They're also more vivid than usual.

I'm running late this morning, so I don't have time to respond to comments right now but I will later, they're important and I do have something to say about them. The reason I'm posting even when I'm running late is because if I don't post my dreams now, I'll forget them.

First dream:

A friend named "Melissa" died. This Melissa is very much like a real friend I had in high school named Melissa. I'm at her house, and her family tells me that I can go into her room and take anything I want that used to belong to her. Being sentimental as I am, I grab all sorts of things to take with me, not really for their function or usefulness, but because these were things that she had. I grab a lot of those colorful trolls, the little lucky trolls we used to have when we were younger, the ones with the wild hair. They don't have clothes on, though. I fill-up a part of my backpack with these little naked trolls, and I eventually want so much stuff that I need to have a truck help me bring everything home.

Second dream:

I'm playing a shooting game, where a train is several hundred feet away from me, and I have to shoot targets. The first round, I get three out of three. Second round, I only get two out of three, but the second round is more difficult than the first round. This is not a video game, it's a three-dimensional game, where a real train runs down the tracks quickly as I try to shoot the targets.

I'd like to make note about this dream. Yesterday, I was reading an article on Science Daily about how some researchers used a virtual reality video game to measure the sizes of hippocampi of their study participants. They are doing the study to help find a link between depression and the hippocampus. Here is a link to the article I was reading if you're interested:

That's all for now. I have to rush to shower and go shopping; in only a few hours we're going to celebrate my father's birthday, which is tomorrow.

Saturday, March 3, 2007


It surprises me the level of interconnectedness that humans often have if you look beneath the leaf and blow into the blade of grass. A fellow poster (lurker) to and I both create the same type of art. We write occasionally. She and I are compadres.

More Synchronicity

The more I interact with the world, the more I notice synchronicity. I suppose this is a direct result of the higher state of awareness/consciousness. I am paying more attention.

A short while ago, my husband came into the computer room to tell me that "IU is playing Penn State". (In all honesty, I could care less. Sports interest me just about as much as Chippendales interest me.) I'm reading Richard's blog a minute or two after his departure. I proceed to comment, and on the comment page is a comment where "Dave" mentions the library at Penn State.

What's in My Bag/Purse

Following in the steps of R. K. over at the AwayAlone blog, in which he shows the world what's in his bag, I have taken a picture of my "purse" and its contents. I need to describe my purse before going on, though. My purse also serves as a tote-bag. I don't buy Vera Bradley purses or worry about following the fashion. I just use what is most useful and convenient for me, and it just happens to be convenient to carry around a large green bag. Following the photograph is a description of its contents, which is also displayed by the purse.

First and foremost, forgive for the ugly green carpet and the ugly old green chair. This is my computer room. Leaning against the chair is my green purse/bag. Directly below the purse is my 2007 daily calendar, a bottle of coconut-lime-verbana lotion by Bath & Body Works, my red hair brush with which I brush my very long hair many times a day, my mirror, part of the "Mind-Bending Puzzles" desk calendar, a logic problem puzzle book, an Extreme Sudoku puzzle book, the book We Were the Mulvaneys by Joyce Carol Oates, a pen, a pencil with an eraser for the puzzle books, a pencil sharpener for the pencil, two chapsticks - one watermelon flavored, the other blue crazeberry flavored. My black faux-leather wallet, my black faux-leather checkbook cover, my keychain with Snoopy, an almost empty pack of Winterfresh chewing gum, my cell phone, my 30GB video iPod in its pink leather case. I now tag anyone who reads this to do the same on their blog!

Synchronicity for March 3, 2007

First of all, this morning the energies were strong inside of me. They woke me up earlier than I am accostumed to waking up on a weekend morning. Even after listening to a Pink Floyd album and a Libera album, I couldn't go back to sleep. If this is Kundalini, it can be very unsettling. I really need to find support, and it seems I have some resources available to me thanks to the information given me by the entity known as "Spiritual Emergency". Things began to change a few months ago. It all started with the disappearance of my depression, the same depression that has afflicted me for more than two years. I had a renewed love for life. I became excited about waking up in the morning and facing the day. And now, as recently as last week, these synchronicities have started to happen rapidly, and I've felt an expansion of my mind, plus the awakenings of energies in my body.

This morning, while listening to Libera, my eyes were closed and I was imagining that I was surrounded in a white light. It felt so pure. It's probably the first time in my life that I have had chills that lasted more than two minutes. Those chills were a physical reaction to the energies that were stirring inside of me. Imagining the white light as I did, I was focusing on positive energies, and possibly bringing myself closer to the Source.

I keep this stuff off the newsgroups, mostly. Most of the people there would label me as "crazy", so I try to keep the spiritual stuff on the blog and the intellectual stuff on the newsgroup. One male who I've been bashing heads with has already used my "fantasies" against me. I argue with him once or twice and after that forget about it. It causes an inbalance inside of me when I am in confrontation. I've always been sensitive, though I have been working on that more lately. It all started with the help of a young man who absolutely insisted I take-up for myself, so since then, I mostly have been. My whole life I've been labeled a "people pleaser" or "too nice". It's because of my sensitivity. Even when I take-up for myself I begin to feel guilty, though. It was nice, however, a man or woman new to the group stood up for me and someone else, and no one has ever done that for me before on the web. I don't think they were doing it to be nice, they just had a good argument. I don't have strife like this in real life. That's why sometimes I have my doubts as to whether or not the internet is healthy for me, because it really does make me upset when someone doesn't like me or says things to hurt my feelings. Remember what I said about trolls? They're out there. I don't like making the internet my social life, but it's my only choice. It's difficult for me to socialize, mostly because I can't find any friends who are interested in what I'm interested in. They may be interested in religion, but not spirituality. No one around me knows anything about synchronicity, or dreams, or higher states of consciousness. If I were to mention it to any of my coworkers, they'd think I had taken an LSD trip. Every time I think I've made a new friend, the only thing they're interested in is hanging out at the bar, or fashion, and if they're single, then men. No one is really into the "heady" stuff that I am, not even my husband.

Recently I have found a "friend" on the internet. Finally, someone who knows. He doesn't know me, though. I'm just a little person, and he's a big book author and scientist. His name is Dr. Cliff Pickover. It almost seems as if the books he's authored were written just for me. Please check-out his web page:
He is amazing, and I could easily become a Dr. Pickover devotee.

Forgive me for rambling. I must get to the subject I had intended. I'm supposed to be journaling my synchronicity experience for today.

Last month, I sent my father and step-mother an anniversary card. It was a cute little card; it had Snoopy on it. Today, I got a card in the mail from an old friend. Yesterday was my and my husband's anniversary. The card is the same one that I sent my father. Getting the same card from him that I had sent my father is symbolic of the closeness I've felt with this man since I was in high school. I met him at the camera store I worked in. I developed his film for him and we quickly became friends. He was/is an elderly gentleman, probably in his late 70s now, I'd guess. Every time I had a birthday or at Christmas he'd bring me gifts. When I left the camera store to work in the university I went to, he stayed in touch with me and has to this day. It's nice to know I've been remembered.

Back into the Light

I am the day, soon to be born
I am the light before the morning

I am the night, that will be dawn
I am the end and the beginning

I am the alpha and omega
The night and day, the first and last

Illuminosa, immortalis
Sancta gloriosa
Illuminosa, immortalis
Sancta gloriosa
In aeterna

I am the life, soon to begin
I am the new hope in the morning

I am the darkness, soon to be light
I am the rising and the falling

-"I am the Day", Libera, Free



Dream Date March 3, 2007- Falling in Love with a Dream Character

I am in a man's house, sleeping in a chair. It is morning, and I am dreaming. (Yes, I am dreaming within a dream.) In this dream within a dream, I am returning to the source. The man, my lover, wakes me up from the noises the computer makes as he connects to the internet via dial-up. He comes to the chair and gently rouses me from my fogginess.

I go into the bathroom. On my way, I see that he is making me breakfast in a frying pan. Seeing this, I feel a strong sense of love for him.

Going back into the room he is in, I tell him, "I know all about Robert Anton Wilson. I know all about the magic trickery you were doing to my mind." But, I'm only lovingly teasing him. Even though I knew he used magic on my mind, I still love him.

In another part of the dream, we're at the beach, I think. He gets on top of me and just looks down into my eyes. He smiles at me, and we just laugh and laugh, enjoying each other's company.

When I first awoke from this dream, I felt a little disappointed that I was no longer with this dream character. I felt such a strong sense of love. I felt lonely knowing that he doesn't really exist. I made a wish, that I would dream of him again.

Friday, March 2, 2007


I dedicate this blog to R., who showered me with platonic love when he was in this reality. In his own mysterious way, R. took leave of this unreality to move on into the real zone. There he waits for me, his friend, and again I will dance for him, and he will one day give me another cut-out of the Mobius, and together we'll eat again at a Chinese restaurant while he jokes about his dozens of wives.

R., you once said to me, "Dear Sophia, how I wish you were here." I get it now.

I Can Relate. Really. Plus, a Dream.

What is quickly becoming my favorite blog has changed URLs, so I'll post it here so that you can go read the blog, too. The new URL is I'd be interested to hear other people's comments about this blog. I mentioned before that some parts of it are painful to read. I don't think it would be painful for anyone else, because in order for it to be painful, one would have to relate to some of the words said, and I have to admit here, that the reason some parts are difficult is because I have a tendency to see signs and symbols in the writing. I've done it before elsewhere, but not too often, so please don't worry about my emotional health. It just happens from time-to-time that it seems as if certain writings were messages directed towards me. It's not only the words that affect me, it's also this man's photography. He posts some here and there on his blog, but one should also really look at his Flickr account to see it all. My favorite of all his photos would be this one: It takes me away, back into dreamland, the place I escape to every night. Although, I should say I'm not really escaping anymore, because life is so beautiful. It's just that in dreamland, my imagination gets to play, and quickly and easily turns me into an author, where I am the creator. I create environments, people, scenes, actions, objects, emotions and really quite a lot more than I am able to create while awake. I should just say that I like dreamland and awake-land equally. Awake-land lets me interact with the real world. In awake-land, I do, however, get to create myself. I would like to quote a line I read on the aforementioned blog: "This process of self-invention and misinterpretation is also deeply distressing." I quote this because I deeply relate to it. While we are always inventing ourselves, based upon the environment and who or what we are dealing with, it seems I especially am constantly misinterpreting things. It has to do with my "ability" to see signs and symbols and to read meaning in writing and to hear meaning in songs. I would almost be tempted to say they are "messages". But if I said that, you'd think me crazy. Maybe I shouldn't call it an ability. Maybe it's really a disability. I don't know for sure yet. I want to say it is part of my personal evolution, part of the change that I am going through, in which I am reaching a higher state of consciousness.

He has his comments turned off, and the only way to communicate with him is by sending emails. It's probably better that way, because I'd have a comment for every post on his blog. And his photographs... I won't go into detail on what they make me feel. It would make this post too long and your attentions would start to beg to go elsewhere. Let's just say that I wish I had every single one of his photos all for myself. My very own AwayAlone photo album.

While I'm here, I might as well go and ask if anyone knows what "hauntology" means. I'll Google it in the meanwhile, but I noticed he tags some of his posts with this word.

Now on to the dream I had this morning or last night:

I am lying naked on the top of a bunk bed. There is a baby sucking at my breast. A woman comes and grabs the baby, apologizing to me that her child managed to get away from her and bother me with its hunger.

Notes: When I was a kid, I had the top bunk while my younger sister had the one below. As far as the baby is concerned, I have been going through episodes where I feel like I want a child. I had managed to finally make the decision to have a child, only to eventually talk myself out of it, all because of various fears. I'll never have a child.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Dream Date March 1, 2007

First dream:

I have a boyfriend in the dream, who tells me that he will make me any car I want. I'm reading a car magazine, and spot a yellow "Cobra". This Cobra isn't a car they make in real life, it is something I dreamed up, a sports car of sorts. I tell him I want him to make me a yellow Cobra. He says he can do it, but it will take 10 months. While he is working on creating the car, I am driving down the street. I see another car pulling a trailer. On the trailer is a Cobra with a price tag. The tag says, $3,100,000. In another part of the dream, I'm talking to a young man who says that he sold his Cobra for over a million dollars. I get excited because that means if I sell the Cobra that I'm about to get, I'll get a lot of money, much more money than it had cost my boyfriend to build the car.

For a number of days late last year and earlier this year I watched several automobile auctions, in particular, I followed the Barrett-Jackson auction. The car in my dream was not really like an older Shelby Cobra, it was more like the modern day Mustang Cobra. And by the way, one of my favorite cars is the Mustang. The other is the Corvette.

Second dream:

I'm swimming under the sea. I see property lots, which are like underwater backyards, with houses floating above them. All over the bottom of the sea are compact discs, with sea urchins attached to them. In a separate part of the dream, I'm swimming at the surface of the water, trying to get away from a man who I think I remember as being Sylvester Stalone. I don't know why I'm swimming away from him, but I think it is because he was a zombie. Now I'm in a house that is on top of the ocean. I'm locking locks on the front door - about three locks to be exact. There are zombies outside that want to get in. Then I remember that there is a side door that doesn't have hardly any locks on it, and I think it would be easy for the zombies to get in, so I run to the door, and try to lock it. The next scene that I am able to recall, I am in the kitchen. I have plants, but they are more like coral that I am growing. I water them.


Some of my dreams have colors that I strongly remember. For instance, the dream I had a week or so ago about the video of the tall men dressed in red, skiing on white snow. I recall making note in the dream of how the red contrasted with the white. Then there is the dream where I designed red and white tie-dye shirts, in which I used rose-red coloring for the spots that seemed to clash with the red lettering. And now this dream, in which I strongly remember dreaming of a yellow car. Later on, when I have more time, I'll check out this webpage which talks about color in dreams: