Suddenly it's all making sense. People that have been placed in my path in the past and now, had and have a purpose, and me, like a fool, I put up such a fight in the beginning. I created obstacles that slowed down my own growth, and possibly even the growth of others! I emotionally abused some of these very important people! Inside of me I am wrought with both joy and despair. Joy in that I am becoming, and despair in that I did wrong to some very extremely important people.
These are the souls I'm seeing today:
The Wise Man - put in my path to give me reminders as to who I really am!
The Jester - Comes around from time to time to bring humor to the journey. I guess it doesn't always have to be so serious!
The Hint Man - Comes around and posts hints about the global consciousness, but no one is listening.
I see people who are still sleeping, that I wish I could make wake-up!
It is my belief that two out of these three have no idea that they have a special purpose. These two may or may not know who they really are. I wish I could tell them, but they'd call me insane.
21 comments:
It's so beautiful when the light comes on and all starts to make sense! It is great when you begin to recognize your teachers, in fact, recognize that everyone is a teacher and you are a perpetual student.
No reason to feel despair about the past, trust that there were reasons for that too.
You are on an awakened path.
So what if they will think you are insane, call them anyway. Do what you know is right to do. Make the call, don't worry about what they will think.
Despair is what you feel when you first recognize your wrong doings. Then you work past the despair and forgive yourself. That must be your next task! It does no one any good for you to hold onto your guilt. You need to learn from your mistakes, which it sounds like you have done and forgive yourself and move on. Life has a far greater purpose for you then to wallow in guilt, so just be careful not to allow yourself to get stuck there. In other words feel your pain but move through it! You might want to apologize to some. That has a healing nature in itself. There is nothing more beautiful than watching a soul blossom! Keep up the wonderful work!
Mark and Desiree, thank you for your comments. You are some of the people that were meant to cross paths with me, I have such a strong feeling that this is true. What is happening is so strange and new to me that it can be very frightening but I'm trying to force myself to ride it out. At the same time I feel so hypersensitive, that both the beauty of the change and the ugliness of my memories causes my eyes to swell and water. The tears come and go and it's hard to control them.
I guess I'm just supposed to surf the wave!
Mark, did you ever feel any physical symptoms that may or may not be indicative of a change? I want to make sure I'm not fooling myself. You're a deeply spiritual person, and so is your brother. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Desiree, your message has made me feel so much better. I definitely have some apologizing to do, but right now I'm unsure how I'm going to go about it. I'm embarrassed about my errors, and have to let go of some of that human pride and just say, "Hey you, I'm sorry!" The person I need to apologize to most is probably the most important person in all of this, the One who I think may have planted the reminders.
I have to stay calm tonight in my doctor's appointment or she's going to think I finally really did fall off my rocker.
Chris! Glad you showed up.
OK, I admit, I'm a drama queen - I'm an active participant, so maybe I'm an actress in one heck of a big show. I'm also the audience!
You never know, you may very well be the actor, the audience and the director!
But, if you are the director, then make sure we get long breaks so that I can go into my dressing room to relax. Being in this show is hard work sometimes.
Blogs are like reality t.v. We put our lives in text for the world to see.
I tried to comment on your blog a couple times a while ago and it wouldn't let me. I guess I need to sign-up for an ID? Didn't you know that Blogger was for the cool people? ;)
Some of the things mentioned in your most recent of writings seemed as if they were written just for me. One of them, for instance, was, "Pay attention to the signs along the way. Figuring out where you stand shouldn't be too hard, just look at the signs. The truth is that the news might be so good that you can't believe it. We recommend you accept it without question, and everything will go your way."
I've been having a difficult time believing in myself these past few days. Something beautiful seems to be happening, but I keep trying to find reasons that seem to show that I might be fooled. I'm constantly trying to rationalize this spiritual process.
I know it was me who found you. How long ago was it? More than a year ago, maybe two? You all came into my life in the past two and a half years. This has been a learning period for me.
You think I'll be happy in the near future? And I thought just recently I became happy. Is it possible it gets better than this? Or is this the best it gets?
It's funny you mention this, Chris. My guilt is not something easily defeated. I am often tempted these past few days to tell myself I don't deserve this change. That things I did in the past were unpure or wrong, so why should I deserve to have a spiritual transformation? How can someone so imperfect be rewarded with something so beautiful?
Did you ever come out feeling like a changed man one day, just out of the blue?
Chris, you're great, you know that? Do you realize how motivational you are? You are a natural born leader. I feel so much warmth coming from you, it's like energy seeps through my computer monitor.
I don't want you to think I'm down or anything, so please don't worry about me. I'm not, believe me, and I know what down is. This is the most up I've ever been. Realization is just amazing.
I just realized I didn't have your link to Torana on my blog. It's still on my old blog, but I'm going to be erasing that slowly from the web so I better update this one.
I wish you lived closer to me because it would be nice to have a friend like you in the physical realm, but I'm just glad the connection is here at least.
It's amazing, the timing... everything comes into place at the same time. The change, and then I reconnect with old friends at the same time. All the pieces of a puzzle fit together finally. With you, Chris, I knew you before, but now I really know you. And this makes the connection more meaningful.
I had to look up "Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen", I didn't know what it meant. I see that it is Reiki, which I don't really know much about right now. But, just a few days ago I was reading a paper on the internet about research that was done with energy healing via email. If you're interested in looking at it, here's the link:
http://www.goertzel.org/dynapsyc/2003/McCartney03.htm
I look at your photograph beside your name in your comment, and I see your smile and the wonderful blue that surrounds you, it feels so nice.
I'm a little embarrassed to say this, but I've put on some weight recently. I don't know if it's because of emotional eating or what, but I'm embarrassed to be seen by old friends, and I won't go anywhere where someone might know me or recognize me. Not to brag, but I used to look pretty good. It seems that with my interest in spirituality, I gave-up on trying to be beautiful. I wish I could lose weight now, like you. This is the next goal I must achieve. I gotta get rid of this excess weight. My body is my temple, it's the vehicle for my spirit. I should take better care of it.
I'm glad you photographed that moment. It's really such a beautiful picture. You're like family, now. I'm happy to be able to visualize you.
Friends give the best motivation and support! I can't wait to watch it, because I just know it's going to move me. You are in great shape, now! You look as if you are ready to take on the world.
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