Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Thanks, Knight

Thank you to the Santa Knight - who has given me very thoughtful and precious gifts this holiday season, a beautiful smooth piece of amber with a piece of foliage fossilized inside and the head of Egyptian cat goddess Bast. I aspire to live-up to the title you have bestowed upon me. O:)

Monday, December 29, 2008

Love in the Masquerade Ball

The world is full of beautiful things until an old man
with a beard came into my life and set my heart aflame
with longing and made it pregnant with love. How can
I look at the loveliness around me, how can I see it,
if it hides the face of my Lover?

~Persian song

From This Limited Perspective...

I haven't had much to say lately, so I thought I'd post a parable that I found tonight by Rumi.

I'd like to know your thoughts on this.

SOME Hindus had brought an elephant for exhibition and placed it in a dark house. Crowds of people were going into that dark place to see the beast. Finding that ocular inspection was impossible, each visitor felt it with his palm in the darkness.

The palm of one fell on the trunk.

'This creature is like a water-spout,' he said.

The hand of another lighted on the elephant's ear. To him the beat was evidently like a fan.

Another rubbed against its leg.

'I found the elephant's shape is like a pillar,' he said.

Another laid his hand on its back.

'Certainly this elephant was like a throne,' he said.

The sensual eye is just like the palm of the hand. The palm has not the means of covering the whole of the beast.

The eye of the Sea is one thing and the foam another. Let the foam go, and gaze with the eye of the Sea. Day and night foam-flecks are flung from the sea: oh amazing! You behold the foam but not the Sea. We are like boats dashing together; our eyes are darkened, yet we are in clear water.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Holidays

Thank you for a gift I receive on this day and all days - your friendship!

I wish everyone a Happy Day!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Mastery in Servitude

I first saw this image on the first page of the Meher Baba book I read in August. I like it, so I post it here. :)
Update: Does anyone know what the top symbol is?

Monday, December 22, 2008

Grasping for God

Every now and then I get a little frustrated when I feel like I am losing contact with God. In November, when I had my "experience", I thought I was enlightened. But not too long after this experience I started finding myself getting sucked back into mundane reality as my high mood cycled back downward and I could hear the echo of myself screaming, "Noooooooo!"

Last night I was reading some web pages on Meher Baba's teachings when I saw some poems by a man named Max Reif. As I read them, I felt an immediate understanding of his words, and I felt like he knew what I was going through.

Getting Drunk

Either I've spent the night
Getting drunk in the Tavern of Illusion,
Or some strange wizard
Has cursed me with
The multiple vision of a fly!

I see Your Oneness
Refracted thru a prism
of Manyness.

I try to stagger toward You.
I try to pull the mask
off every face I see.
I try to swim upstream
To the Source
Of this Torrent of Hallucinations
That Thunders each instant out of Non-being,

Yet I am swept by the current
And washed, again & again,
Down the Niagara of Phantasms,
Toward the Lowlands
Of the River of Kundalini.

I try to hold to Higher vision
Like a man grabbing at a limb on a bank.

Somewhere far upstream,
You sit in Silence,
And all this Maya-Show
Inscrutably comes out of You.

The Veils of Illusion
Are a heavy quilt
I cannot lift
While I dream,

Unless YOU Dissolve
The draught of Enchantment
Or the wizard's spell,
With Potions
You Alone possess.

Thank you to Max for giving me permission to post his poem. Please take a look at his poetry to get some Truth-talk straight from the soul.

Igloo Scrabble

Jacki likes playing Scrabble with Puff, even when it's so cold there are ice fractals on the windows.

Sunday, December 21, 2008


Have you ever smiled so big your cheeks felt like they were just going to pop?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A Moment of Honesty

Sometimes I see the perceived impossibility of enlightenment. Just when you think you have it, it's gone.

Just when you think you've finally made it and have finally made a connection, you lose it.

I can't control the energy crashes I experience lately well enough to have steady spiritual growth.

Right now I want to pretend that everything is OK and that I'm a perfect spiritual student and I want to keep the upbeat positive tone of my blog going so that it doesn't appear to everyone that I'm failing. I want the teachers out there to think I'm good enough to do the work and that I'll get it done quickly without giving excuses as to why I'm not getting it done right away instead of just being honest and telling them that I'm exhausted but please give me more time because I always find my energy again.

That's just the way it is right now, especially more so this winter it seems. When it happens, everything is fine, there are no problems, I just need to wait it out. Sometimes the energy is back in a few hours, sometimes a few days, sometimes a week or so, but it always comes back. This is how I was made; this is who I am. I know there is a reason for it. When I'm feeling exhausted I long for the connection to the Universe, and when I'm connected again I don't take it for granted. This is how I have been called. I'm thankful to the Universe for who I am and how I am.

All I ask from the Universe and you in return is patience with me as I regain the energy. One thing I want to say is that I can do the work. I will do it. That is my life's purpose.

Friday, December 19, 2008

True Friend

Thank you to my very dear friend Klaus for being here with me during a difficult event in my life. Thank you also to Klaus for reassuring me that even enlightened people can find such events difficult.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Aristotle on Love

When Aristotle was asked, "What is love?" he replied "What is life without love? Love is like the sun; without light, there's no life"

(The image used above is "Fire and Ice", by Josephine Wall. She has so many fantastic images in her gallery. I highly recommend taking a look at her paintings for they will take you on a journey of imagination.)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Aristotle Said...

When Aristotle was asked, "What is a friend?", his reply was, "A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Yesterday is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the Present.

~Babatunde Olatunji

Saturday, December 13, 2008

The Kiss

When your lips touch the air,

you kiss the Beloved.

A Knight-time Message


One night you will see

That you do not have to wish upon a star

Because you will know that you are the star

Friday, December 12, 2008

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Just Fuggetaboutit

Ignore my last message please.

No, I wasn't trying to create a drama.

No, I wasn't trying to see how many of you had undying love for me by begging me to stay. ;)

Unusual circumstances occurred and I predicted being away for a while.

Guess I didn't have to be away as long as I thought.

This is good because I can get caught up with everyone and Klaus and I can continue playing Scrabble. One should not be such a serious spiritual seeker that one forgets how to have fun. Scrabble is a very important ingredient to seeking. :)

Internet Fasting

I won't be around for a while. I don't know how long it will be.

Please don't worry about me.

Please don't forget me. Wait for me, even if it is a long time.

I am sorry I haven't responded to emails lately. Your time was not wasted on me. Raymond, Celestial Tau, *Klaus*, Charlie, Andras, Daniel, my teachers, my friends, and anyone else that I haven't mentioned. (And just because I didn't mention you doesn't mean you're not important.) I'm especially sorry for not meeting the deadline, you know who you are.

This is not an emergency so please don't think anything is wrong.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Permanent Impermanence

I am starting to notice the mortality of my computer, which is rather difficult since I am very attached to my computer. I wouldn't make a good Buddhist, although I am Buddhist, among other things. My mouse is dying, the one with the all-seeing optical eye. The wheel has almost stopped working - the Dharmachakra of my mouse - so now my mouse has almost reached nirvana, but not quite, as it is going to be reborn through mouse-styled samsara.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


How do you tell a real spiritual Master from a false Master?

Also, Neo-Advaita scares me. Maybe it's because I just don't sense all that sweet love that my ego wants to feel. It's like this: "You feel pain? Too bad. It's just an illusion. People are starving to death? Too bad. It's just an illusion." I don't like tough love. I love love. I just sometimes get the feeling that Neo-Advaita really ignores the development of character. I want to serve and how can I serve by tough love? I want to serve by nourishing.

(P.S. - I apologize for not responding to comments the past.... well... month or so. I read them carefully, each and every one of them. I am not blowing you off by not responding. My energy levels have been fluctuating and that is really the only excuse I have to give you for not responding. I just didn't have any response juice. I will try to do better.)

Anyway, I just want to know how we can tell a real Master from a false Master. The more opinions I have the better. At the moment I've just been going off my own intuition.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


I received my Smithsonian magazine in the mail today. On the cover is a Sufi man twirling with the headline, "The Sufi Question".

At the bottom of the cover is a short list of other things found in the magazine, one of which says, "Saving Hagia Sophia".

I have a wonderful new friend that I KNOW from way back.... we just met yet we are almost completely familiar with one another. This has been a striking experience for me and the two of us are just happily walking along the path together, teaching each other, learning from each other, supporting each other, and of course playing Scrabble together. :) This is a special gift given to me by the Love of my Life!

I would like to show an example of his beautiful wisdom which was given to me in response to a mistake I made yesterday.

Sophia: "Today I really goofed. I've been doing so well with being patient with people but today a cashier at the grocery store really irked me and I could feel anger boiling up inside of me. Back in the day I would have really let her have it but today I just gave her a look and told her she needs to work on her kindness. I was so angry inside though. And now I feel guilty for saying anything to her at all because it's kind of like Life has put this test in front of me to make sure I'm really making progress, and I messed up. I wish I had been more humble."

Special K: "When Life tests you, you grow because of the experience. Worry if Life doesn't test you because then you're not growing. If I feel anger rising I sacrifice myself to Love because if there is no I to be angry it disappears and what's left is Love."

Thank you, my friend!

I also wish to thank my fellow rays of Sun - you who visit this blog and/or leave your words for me in the comments which give me guidance and friendship. Thank you my teachers, my guides, my friends, my travel companions.

Our world is beautiful.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Have a Safe Trip

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting." ~Buddha (or so it's said)

Monday, December 1, 2008

When the Student is Ready, the Master Appears

So there are those out there that keep the Perpetual Lamp of Wisdom burning.... but who protect the Lamp from those who wouldn't know how to handle the Truth.

Where do we go if we have been touched by Truth, but want more? And how do we learn to help others?

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thanks for Sharing the Flame

Happy Thanksgiving!
"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." ~Albert Schweitzer


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

School for the Enlightened

I do not know how an enlightened person is supposed to behave.

I guess the best an enlightened person can do is to be natural. Any forced change in personality is like putting on yet another mask.

An enlightened person can continue to improve themselves, though.

I do not think "enlightened" means "perfect".

Enlightened people still go to Life's school. Maybe they just advanced to a new grade.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Sunday, November 23, 2008

My Lesson

Humility, or being humble, is the defining characteristic of an unpretentious and modest person, someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others.

From Wikipedia


I feel peace.
I feel tingliness.
No drugs required.



waves of tingles

what is this?

I haven't felt this calm in years. (Have I ever felt this calm?)

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Dream Date November 22, 2008

I was laying unclothed and on my back on white sheets in a bed. There was a man laying unclothed on his back on top of me. On top of him was an unclothed baby laying on its back. We were all entangled in white sheets. There was a sense of purity. In my head I started to feel as if something or someone was coming. I was saying, in my head, "Something is coming, something IS COMING," and then in real life the phone rang and awakened me.

To the Presence

I have not done the work
But still You give me the gift

Thank you

I will live the rest of my life
With You in my heart

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Sometimes lately it seems as if different people are really all the same person.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Another Poor Man's/Woman's Philanthropy Idea

I've been saving Coke rewards lids and have been entering them into my account on their website. I saw today that points can be donated to Toys for Tots. So, if you drink any Coke, look for the bottles with the red lids or boxes of cans with the points on them. You can enter these online at the Coke rewards web page. If you don't feel like typing all of them in, you can send the lids to me in the mail and I'll enter them here.

If you want to do it on your own and need help getting started, let me know and I can help show you where to go on their site to donate your points.

I Have Something for You

I have one gift card here for a Blockbuster movie rental. We rent our movies through Netflix so really I have no need for it. If any of you live near a Blockbuster store, comment on this post or send me an email. The first person to claim dibs on it can have it. I'll send it in the mail. It expires December 31, 2008 so please be sure to use it before then.

Please, someone claim this!

Monday, November 17, 2008


I've been listening to various Tuvan throat singing music for over an hour, now. I lost myself, even saw a vivid vision of a horse.

This feels like an important discovery to me.


Huun-Huur-Tu does things to me that I can't describe. It stimulates me, makes me feel as though I were expanding, as though I were no longer within the confines of my skin. I feel a vibration within.

If you have high-speed Internet, watch this video. I want to know what you feel. If you feel nothing, I want to know that, too.

I LOVE these guys!!!

And, Kongar-ol Ondar:

This is insanely cool:

On Loan

Swami insulted Sophia, she reacted.

Someone praised Sophia, she felt pride.

I pray for humility.

"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know who you are." - Mother Teresa

Any specialness I have I have borrowed from the same source from which others may borrow theirs.

Especially difficult and paradoxical is trying not to be proud for being humble.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

By Now You Know I'm Strange

I am so full of love right now that I think I might explode or erupt like a volcano.

I am not manic, though by these words one might assume I am, and it's true, I am labeled "bipolar", but no one can visibly see everything that is moving around inside of me. I appear calm, quiet. I'm sitting still yet inside there is a loud party going on. It's a big celebration. I'm celebrating the burning, the desire, the hunger, the love.

I feel so much HUNGER to know things. There are so many PATHS for me to take, on which I may find words to describe what this is, more labels. I am overwhelmed with curiosity to know more about THIS. I want to LEARN and I want to GROW, and I wish I could shout out to the world, "Hey, you should try THIS flavor of ice cream!"

Is there anyone out there that is blissed out about what is?

Is there anyone out there that is obsessed, like I am obsessed?

I am delighted to be suffering. I am a masochist!

It is called MONOMANIA. Check this out: Monomania = Mono-mania. Mono = ONE.

I just had to get that out. It reads like the words of insanity. A few years ago, before I became a "seeker", if I had read these words on someone else's blog I would have thought, "This person is a little strange."

I know I'm strange, but I have a Friend. Others are too normal to notice their Friend. Maybe by letting a little strangeness into their lives they'll see they're not alone.

We're all mutual Friends.

The Golden Sufi Center

The Golden Sufi Center and the Teacher Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee have put some nice texts and information on the Internet. I discovered some of the books recently on Google Books and what is written seems to resonate with me very strongly. There are so many beautiful things to read in these books that it is like Christmas for me to have them all here on the Internet. If you are interested in reading some of these books yourself, the pdf files are generously available for download on this page: http://www.goldensufi.org/books.html You can also buy a hard copy which might be more convenient to read, but if you're poor like me the pdf files are just right.

For a few years I have been looking for the right Teacher to work with me. The things I want to learn might be within the pages of these books.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Now I Bow Before You, My Life is Yours

There is a spark that lives within me.
Sometimes I can feel it and sometimes I can't.
I want the spark to turn into fire
So that I can burn until
All that is left is You


I AM a free woman.
I AM free to be devoted to the multiverse, beyond and in between
I AM free to be devoted to You, to Man
Devoted to Ideal, to Creature, to Teacher
I AM free to burn with the fire of Love
Free to suffer the yearning for Truth
I AM free to walk the Way
Free to search for the Key to Mystery
Free to wish for Growth and Enlightenment
In Myself and in Others
I AM free to belong to You.


Every day, I forget to pray
But now I type my prayer
Using the keyboard
I pray for self-control
I pray for discipline
I pray for humility
I pray for patience


When I was a child
I would say, at night:
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take
The truth is,
I have been sleeping for far too long.
I wish to wake before I die.

Intimate and Impersonal

The following comes from a piece of Sufi literature but the idea is probably universal in any student/teacher relationship:

An "important element of the Sufi path is
the relationship with the teacher. Sadly the relationship
of teacher and disciple is often misunderstood in the
West, causing much pain and confusion. In our Western
tradition we do not have a model for the relationship
with a spiritual teacher; it is not a part of our cultural
context, as for example it is in India. Also in the West we
have a tendency to personalize every relationship, illustrated
by the way, in America, we tend to address
everyone by his first name. Furthermore, the closer we
feel, the more love we feel for someone, the more personal
we want to make this relationship. The relationship
with the teacher is both intimate and impersonal.
These two qualities can appear irreconcilable opposites,
until we realize that this relationship belongs to the
level of the soul, not the personality.

The Sufi says that you need a teacher, you need a
guide. In the words of Rûmî, “Whoever travels without
a guide needs two hundred years for a two-day journey.”
The teacher is like a ferryman to take you from
the world of the ego to the dimension of the Self, and
as the Sufi Abû Sa‘id simply stated, “It is easier to drag
along a mountain by a hair than to emerge from the
ego by oneself.” The teacher knows the inner potential
of the student and helps her to grow into it, to make the
journey to the farther shores of love. The teacher also
knows the pitfalls and dangers of the journey, and if it is
difficult to cross an unknown land or desert by oneself,
it is far more dangerous to journey into the depths
within oneself without a guide.

In the Sufi tradition, the teacher is traditionally
“without a face and without a name,” because it is the
teaching that matters, the guidance and not the guide.
However, for many wayfarers the difficulty arises due
to the importance and intimacy of this relationship.
For the sincere seeker the teacher is the most important
person in her life: without her teacher she would remain
stranded within her ego. At the beginning the
wayfarer cannot recognize how this relationship belongs
to the soul— that it is the soul that is guided, the soul
that makes the journey Home. The wayfarer sees the
teacher through the eyes of the ego, and through a conditioning
that understands close relationships only as
belonging to the personal sphere, as parents, siblings,
friends, lovers. Moreover, because the relationship with
the teacher happens within the heart, it carries a quality
of intimacy and unconditional love that can be almost
overwhelming. Thus the wayfarer only too easily projects
onto the teacher all of the personal patterns that have
been attached to parent-figures or lovers. Only much
later, usually after a painful process of detachment (often
accompanied by dreams of the teacher dying), does
she come to recognize the real nature of this relationship."

~Love is a Fire: The Sufi’s Mystical Journey Home, Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee

If anyone is interested in reading any of the wonderful texts of the Golden Sufi Center, please let me know and I can direct you to some free copies online.

I Belong to the Beloved


I saw this at the Foreign Film Festival in 2000. It became one of my favorites. (There are English subtitles.)

I Cannot Live Without You

I still soar when I hear this.

“We ought to think that we are one of the leaves of a tree, and the tree is all humanity. We cannot live without the others, without the tree.” ~Pablo Casals


An old friend of mine once turned me on to Waterbone.

"“August Moon,” includes a Nepali woman singing, who is “balanced” by a male Tibetan folk singer, making this track “one of the few pieces to combine this cross-cultural artistry.” The track uses electric beats and instrumentation. Notes say they thought the tracks wouldn’t be usable because the Nepali woman wouldn’t look the two American males in the eye."

The composers "“slowly found their way through the clouds, lifted their arms to the heavens and pulled down a symphony infused with the crystal chants of monks, the jubilant choruses of Nepali and Tibetan children singing their traditional hymns, and the honks and thumps of indigenous horns, drums, and flutes. The music here is the result of weeks interacting and recording the harmonic heartbeat of a place of pristine holiness and simple pleasures; the archway to the Himalayas.”"

No Matter Where I Go I Hear the Beating of Our One Heart

The One, The Only.

Monday, November 10, 2008

I've Had Some Time

I took some time off the blog because I'd had some things to process. I'm still processing them and will probably do so for a long while. I've also been spending some time in the Spiritual Teachers Forum which is such a wonderful place where there are a number of people who are just amazing to "talk" with.

I'm overwhelmed with joy right now.

I am getting ready to respond to comments. If I don't watch a movie with my husband tonight then I'll get to them in just a little while. One of things that I find that adds to my joy is the connection I have with you here online.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Host to the Host

Last night I felt a presence.

To look for it with these eyes and yet realize that it is what is looking through these eyes is indeed a marvelous epiphany.

It is the air that is breathed and the lungs which breathe it.

Through Seeing It, It Sees Itself

"The eyes which regard God are also the eyes through which God regards the world." ~Traditional

Friday, October 31, 2008

Closer to You Than You

And He is with you, with you in your search; when you seek Him look for Him in your looking closer to you than yourself to yourself." Jalal ad-Din Rumi (1207-1273)

Wherever You Are....

Happy birthday, Jim.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Do We Just Want Buddies?

I've been guilty of this:

Q: Can you mention something hurtful?

A: Surely most people can do that.

To me, it is hurtful to have to deal with people whom you would like to teach when - pretending to themselves that they seek knowledge - they only want a social community, friendship, 'togetherness', attention and the like.

All these things are delightful: and all the more delightful when consciously indulged in, rather than found by means of deception. Deception in this case is pretending to oneself that one is studying when one is seeking stimuli.

Such people may have the capacity to learn. But they overlay it with shallow aims. They may have been trained to seek smaller satisfactions and to give them grand names. They may, on the other hand, simply be carrying on the demands of babyhood. Rumi said: "When will you cease coveting nuts and raisins?'

The condition can be so well established that people are to all intents and purposes unconscious of its presence.

From: Learning How to Learn - Psychology and Spirituality in the Sufi Way, by Idries Shah

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Holiday Wish List

I know that the holidays are still some time in the future, but I wanted to put my wish list here for anyone who wants to know what I want.

I know the times are hard right now economically, but for those who can afford to do so I'd love it if you could make a donation to any of these charities (even small amounts like $5.00):

The Smile Train
The Humane Society
The Salvation Army (in particular please adopt a Christmas Tree Angel or pay for a holiday meal for a family)

Also, I know the animal farm I volunteer at could always use donations. Just recently they were in the local newspaper because several dumped horses had to be rescued by them but some were too ill to be saved. I've seen first-hand the work that is done by this couple. They live in a motor home on the farm; the animals seem to have more luxury than they do!

And this list is what I want from Santa Claus!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Cosmic Continuum

A CIRCLE HAS only one centre. But the cosmic circle,
being infinite, has an infinite number of centres, and each
one is the centre of the whole, which, on account of its
infinitude, is neither a circle nor not a circle, so that its
centre, also, is neither a centre nor not a centre.

Therefore the centre, being ubiquitous, is itself the
circle, and the notion of individual centres of individual
circles within the infinite circle is a vain and superfluous

Metaphysically such is a diagram of the cosmos, and
a simple illustration of the position of phenomenal beings
in a five-dimensional phenomenal universe, in which they
are neither something nor nothing, neither centres nor not
centres—for they are at the same time the centre and the

~From: Open Secret by Wei Wu Wei

Saving My Heart for You - Yes

I've never seen the movie shown in this video, but the song is one of my favorites. Gives me chills every time I hear it.

P.S. Thanks for the comments in the recent posts. I'll be responding to them tomorrow. I hope you guys are doing wonderfully and are making it through the times safely.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Random Things....

"The three words at the top read: "This is Nature." The lines above the donkey read: "This is the Philosophers' donkey who wished to rise to the practice of the Philosopher's Some." The three lines below the animal are translated: "Frogs gather in multitudes but science consists of clear water made from the Sun and Moon." The text under the symbolic bird is as follows: "This is fortune with two wings. Whosoever has it knows that fruit will in such away be produced. A great philosopher has shown that the stone is a certain white sun, to see which needs a telescope. To dissolve it in water requires the Sun and Moon, and here one must open 200 telescopes, putting body and soul in one mass. And here is lost the mass; other sages cook the frogs and add nothing, if the juice of the Wise you wish to enjoy." To the Greeks the frog symbolized both metempsychosis and earthly humidity." ~Manly P. Hall, The Secret Teachings of All Ages, chapter: THE HERMETIC AND ALCHEMICAL FIGURES OF CLAUDIUS DE DOMINICO CELENTANO VALLIS NOVI FROM A MANUSCRIPT WRITTEN AND ILLUMINATED AT NAPLES A.D. 1606
"THE FLEUR-DE-LIS: The bee was used as, a symbol of royalty by the immortal Charlemagne, and it is probable that the fleur-de-lis, or lily of France, is merely a conventionalized bee and not a flower. There is an ancient Greek legend to the effect that the nine Muses occasionally assumed the form of bees." ~Many P. Hall, The Secret Teachings of All Ages, chapter: Fishes, Insects, Animals, Reptiles and Birds
Something to read later.... the author sent me a link to his book years ago but I just found it again: http://www.powertoshare.com/dropzone/wp-content/docs/BookofDALETH.pdf
Is the bird shown above a phoenix?
Just some things I've thought about yesterday and today. I won't spend much more time focusing on this; it's easy to get distracted from what it is I'm seeking: to know God.
"1. It chanced once on a time my mind was meditating on the things that are, my thought was raised to a great height, the senses of my body being held back - just as men who are weighed down with sleep after a fill of food, or from fatigue of body.

Methought a Being more than vast, in size beyond all bounds, called out my name and saith: What wouldst thou hear and see, and what hast thou in mind to learn and know?

2. And I do say: Who art thou?

He saith: I am Man-Shepherd (Poemandres), Mind of all-masterhood; I know what thou desirest and I'm with thee everywhere.

3. [And] I reply: I long to learn the things that are, and comprehend their nature, and know God. This is, I said, what I desire to hear.

He answered back to me: Hold in thy mind all thou wouldst know, and I will teach thee."
The Corpus Hermeticum
translated by G.R.S. Mead
(I do like the translation offered in the beginning of this book, The Way of Hermes: http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0892811862/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-link
This book looks nice, too:
(This post was written in a hurry. Sorry it seems rushed. I just wanted to post the links to some things I'm going to look into later. The Hermes texts are in particular something I want to look into.)
Also, sometimes this blog doesn't load and I've had occasional problems posting here. I've contacted Blogger.
Another problem I've found is that people with AOL can't send me emails. I don't know why. If you use AOL email will you try to send me a message? Thanks.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Pooh, and Piglet, Too

While camping a couple days ago I read "The Tao of Pooh" out loud to my husband. He started losing his eyesight a while ago and now doesn't read books because of it. It's the first time I've ever read an entire book to him. Both of us had a great time with this little gem of literature. (It's possible that a tradition has begun, for already I have been planning on reading "The Wind in the Willows" to him.)

Has anyone read "The Tao of Pooh"?

Ten minutes ago I ordered the companion book, "The Te of Piglet". I've already prepared my husband for a reading and I can't wait until it arrives in the mail!

"The Sayings of Confucius" still sits on my bookshelf. Maybe I'll read it after Piglet.

Friday, October 24, 2008

The Mirror of Self - Diary Entries from October 20 and 21, 2008

This post stems from an exercise on page 49 of this book: http://books.google.com/books?id=hoWH7QCICDIC It is an entry that I made into my journal while camping.

I put off doing this exercise for a long time because I couldn't find the right meditative moment. I ended up doing it in the motor home while camping. It took a while to get into a proper meditative state. Once there, I stared deeply into my eyes. I could see my reflection in them in the mirror and wondered if it went on into infinity, like infinite mirror reflections. I knew I'd never be able to see my face as it really is; I can only see a reflection through a mirror. The image in the mirror is only an illusion. The eye cannot see itself.

Are we humans only an illusion, a mirror image of what's real? Does God see Itself through humans or all living things?

I can't see myself from outside myself. Is God so omnipotent that It can see Itself from outside Itself? (Wait, there is no "outside".)

*(While meditating, I heard the t.v. in the other room say, "You are two people in one body," and I thought of the androgyne nature of God.)*

-Journal entry from October 21, 2008-

Yesterday I was being silly. I gave the peace sign to my husband and said, "Elvis is in the building." Today I was reading the Psychology Today magazine and on page 33 was an article called, "Elvis is in the Building." The picture for the article shows four Elvis impersonators. One of them is giving the peace sign.

Within the same hour we were in the motor home. My husband was in the bed napping. (Well, I should say he was *trying* to nap.) We were talking and when he wanted to go back to sleep he said, "Silence!" In response, I sang a line from the Simon & Garfunkel song "Sound of Silence". Ten minutes later he got up and wanted to test out the radio and speaker system so he told me to turn on the radio. When I turned it on, "The Sound of Silence" was playing.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Inn of Light and Mint

I had wondered a few times recently if it's possible someone could be enlightened and not know whether or not they're enlightened. I know I'm not enlightened but if I ever will be, would I know? Sometimes I feel like I could be content with what I know now, that there is a God, when I had spent years in uncertainty. But, knowing of the existence of God doesn't necessarily mean I know God. It could be that just by breathing I know God. Would I know that I know?

I also wondered if those who felt they were enlightened thought their journey was over.

Whether or not enlightenment is some final perfect goal, to me it's the journey that is more important than the goal. To claim enlightenment is to say the journey is over, that there is no more growing to be done. What happens to someone when they reach enlightenment? Do they have nothing more to accomplish spiritually?

There is no end to infinity, no end-finity. No end-lightenment. Just constant en-lightenment.

At least, that's what I think.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Jim of the Jungle

Most of us "spiritual bloggers" know that Jim disappeared into the void over a month ago. I called him shortly after his disappearance and he sounded a bit confused when he answered. Now, we all know Jim was always a little confused, but in a very endearing way. However, I was concerned after hanging up with him because he didn't sound like himself. He always sounded happy to hear from me, but this last time he didn't even seem to recognize me. For those of us who visited his blog frequently, we know he appeared to be going through some type of inner struggle during the last month of his writings and that eventually he ended up deleting almost all of the posts on his blogs.

I can no longer hide my worry. I am deeply concerned about Jim.

His birthday is Halloween. I will be sending him a card but I am almost fearful that it will be returned to me by the owners of the place he was/is living in; I'm afraid something has happened to him, or that he's been taken away by men in white coats.

Jim, if you read this, please let us know that you're still alive. Everyone is looking for you.

I wrote this letter to you tonight:


Are you around?

People have been looking for you at your blog.

I have been looking for you.

Maybe if I told you I needed you, you would come out from hiding.

I'm going through lots of confusion. I've really been pulled into esotericism and I start worrying that I'll go to Hell because my Christian lessons from childhood told me that occultism is sinful, yet I no longer consider myself Christian, as you know. At the same time, I'm starting to teach myself Kabbalah and am enjoying it and want to learn more. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. There are so many paths to take in life and I don't know which is the right one.

Come out come out wherever you are. I need your help and guidance.

Love always,


P.S. Jim, I come to you because I know you have warned me several times against esotericism and yet you seemed to have mastered Kabbalah. I know you will know how to answer my question.

Prayers, Please

Please pray for and send energy to Dave from the Serenity and Love blog. Tomorrow he is going through surgery to replace a heart valve.

Our thoughts are with you, Dave.

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Fleur de Lis Strikes Again

I wanted to see if a book was available on ebay so I typed in "The Reluctant Messenger" in the search field. The first link to the product that came up was from a store called "Fleurdelis18".

My friend Don says his mother painted the Fleur de Lis motif in the bathroom of their house.

On a different yet similar note, I left a comment on "A New Soul's" blog. In return she visited my blog and saw that I had a dream about being a Rosicrucian. Her grandmother was a Rosicrucian in the 1950s. After seeing my dream, she was inspired to do a web search for her grandmother's name and found a poem that her grandmother wrote for a Rosicrucian digest. You can read the story of our shared experience here, as well as the poem: http://followthesigns.blogspot.com/2008/10/directional-synchronicity-synchronicity.html

P.S. I'll respond to comments tomorrow. I had the flu shot earlier today and it's made me ill for a short while, so I don't have much energy. hehehe... I'd rather be sick for one day than for a week or more, though! I'm going to bed now. If I feel better in the morning I'm going on a group hike, then at 3:00pm my best friend from college is getting married at the university we went to. Sunday, my husband wants to go camping (again) so I'll be gone for two nights. Last weekend when we went I enjoyed myself; I spent some time solving brain teasers.

P.P.S. I've noticed that I'm not interested in movies anymore. I watch them when my husband wants to watch them, but I can't get pulled into the story anymore. It's like the suspension-of-disbelief mechanism has stopped functioning in my brain. Movies just seem so... well... mundane. Has this happened to anyone else?

Free Rice - Nothing to Download

Someone responded to my Free Rice challenge sweepstakes and said that free games are a hassle to download. There is NOTHING, I repeat, nothing to download to participate in this charity. All you do is look at four words on a screen and pick the word that has the same meaning as the one displayed on top. There is nothing difficult about it at all, and given that it asks for no information, no sign-up and no download, it's a very convenient way to help hungry people. The more people that play, the more rice gets donated. It could take less than 10 minutes to reach the 1000-grain requirement that I asked for but if it's too much to ask for, I'll lower the requirement to 500 grains.

C'mon people, I've been talking about this charity for a long time and this last time I even got a gift card to entice people to play! Please take just five minutes so you can see for yourself how easy it is. I don't mean to sound like a proselytizer or anything but you can only realize how good something is if you do it for yourself. This benefits you in more ways than one while it benefits someone else who needs it.

This is a legitimate charity and has even been featured on 60 Minutes. There are other links on the Free Rice page that you can look at that shows the stats of how many grains of rice have been donated per month and much more information.

I do not have any affiliation with the Free Rice page, any of its sponsors nor with the UN World Food Programme.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Circle Enclosing the Cross

It really is truly amazing how once I learn about certain symbols I start to see them all over the place. Yesterday I mentioned how I started to frequently see the Fleur de Lis. I also mentioned that I saw windows in a plaza that were in the shape of the circle enclosing the cross. I first (consciously) came across this symbol in the book I'm reading on Kabbalah. The book called it the "cross of elements", and it is the symbol of the sephirah Malkuth. Then, while I was skimming through some Rosicrucian texts I saw it there, too.

"In order to understand the symbology of the Universal Androgyne, it is necessary to first become familiar with the two ancient symbols of Sex. In all the ancient philosophies and religions, we find that the "Cross" (+) is the symbol of the Male; and the "Circle" (O) the symbol of the Female." ~The Secret Doctrine of the Rosicrucians, Part IV, The Universal Androgyne

Today, while volunteering at the animal rescue farm, I saw a pet carrier sitting on its rear end. The underside of the carrier was showing and in the center was a huge circle enclosing a cross. A half hour later I was sitting in a chair on break and saw that the handle of a container was a wheel in which a cross was enclosed.

Free Rice Challenge Sweepstakes

A few times on this blog I've made mention of the Free Rice program online that lets you donate rice for free to help those who are hungry. As I said before, you play a fun little vocabulary game and for each answer you get right certain sponsors donate 20 grains of rice through the United Nations World Food Program to help end hunger. These begin to add up after a while. To entice you to try it out, I'm giving away one gift card to Blockbuster good for one movie or game rental to one random person that comments on this post. To be entered into the sweepstakes, all you have to do is go to the Free Rice web page and play the game long enough to donate 1000 grains of rice. After you have finished, come back to this blog and leave a comment on this post. At the end of October or beginning of November, I will use randomizer.org to choose a random person from all the entries to whom I will send the gift card in the mail. If you are chosen, I will contact you to get your address, so please make sure I have some way of getting in touch with you through email when you leave your comment.

Free Rice does not ask for any information. You do not have to join anything.

There are more games in addition to the vocabulary game. You can choose the type of game you want to play by by choosing "Subjects" at the top of the screen.

You do not need high speed Internet to participate.

The gift card expires on December 31, 2008, so if you win be sure to use it before then.

I am not an employee of this organization. Neither Freerice.com or the UN World Food Program know that I am hosting this challenge. I'm just trying to help raise awareness. The reason I am offering this small sweepstakes is because I hope others will try it for themselves and possibly let it become a habit as well as help to spread the word around.

I will send the gift card to any address within the 50 states in the US. However, if you are from another country, please give the game a try anyway!

To begin, click the Free Rice icon at the top right of my blog on the sidebar. Then, return here and comment on this particular post to let me know that you've completed the 1000-grain requirement. It really does not take that long to reach that goal, I promise.

Have fun, and good luck. :)

I'm Being Followed Around by a Symbol

Ever since I learned about the gradual transformation from the image of the bee into the Fleur de Lis, I've been seeing it quite often. Today I saw it all over the place. I was on the way home from an appointment and saw it on the sign of a building. I was visiting an old college friend's web page and saw it on one of his buttons. I was shopping in Dillard's and saw it on a men's shirt hanging on the rack.

I can't even begin to list the rest of the times I've seen it.

Also, I noticed that one of the plaza buildings down the road from where I live have windows that are circular with a cross inside them, like the cross of elements, or the Rosicrucian symbol. I meant to take a picture of them but I keep forgetting to bring my camera when I'm out.
P.S. I'll respond to comments in the morning. I've spent hours tonight going through and deleting posts from this blog, so I need to go to bed. I'm hoping to be able to wake-up early enough in the morning to go do volunteer work with my stepmother at the animal rescue farm.
P.P.S. Sometime tomorrow I'm going to try to entice people to play the Free Rice game by offering a small prize. You'll see the post when I have time to write it!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

P.S. to the Previous Post

A friend sent me an email after reading the previous post and he asked, "What makes you think God is a 'he'?"

It's a good question, so just for clarification, this is the response I sent to him:

"I don't. It's just that it's a common term used for God and it's shorter and more attractive than saying He/She/It. :) I am sure God is actually quite androgynous."

(By the way, my opinions about God or the Universe are simply that, just opinions. I cannot say that I am settled on my opinions. As I learn more about myself I hope to learn more about God. I am very open to hearing about others' ideas about God or anything I speak about on this blog.)

Something Bigger Than My Wildest Dreams

In a comment on the previous post here, Don brought up the Global Brain as he saw a relation between it and the thoughts that sprang forth from my imagination. This sent me to respond in a manner similar to a stream-of-consciousness. Soon my response was long enough for a blog post, so here are my thoughts.

Every creature from the beginning of time could be a neuron in this brain, perhaps being eyes for the one Great Mind. However, going a bit beyond the global idea, I think it is a Universal brain. We do not know whether or not there are beings on other planets. The global brain idea is slightly anthropomorphic and anthropocentric. Also, I think the global brain idea is very closely related to the Gaia Hypothesis, although currently I don't believe humans are considered a part of Gaia. Where Gaia is the earth as a living organism, I think the Universe as a whole is one organism. I could even imagine it is more expanded than this. My thought is not just a pantheistic belief, but instead is panentheistic, including non-physical and timeless elements of God as well.

I could see where the global brain (and Gaia) are possibly beings within a Being, as we humans are micro-beings within the Macrocosmic. Maybe the planet is a cup of water in the ocean where each human is only a drop. (I know the ocean metaphor is one frequently used in spiritual discussions; I couldn't help but use it here.)

Since early last year I imagined that evolution is the process for which God becomes conscious of Himself. It is as if the entire physical creation was a game in which He purposefully induced self-amnesia. Over the billions of years this creation begins to become more and more aware of itself. Perhaps it does so by the enlightenment of each being, and this is why reincarnation would be necessary so that the soul evolves during each lifetime until reaching enlightenment, in which the soul is reunited with the Great Being.

If there are alien beings somewhere out there in this impossible-to-imagine vast Universe, I wonder how evolved they are physically and spiritually. Are we all evolving at the same rate?

I don't know anything about any of this, but it's fun to imagine. At any rate, the Life that has been given as part of this adventure can be used to grow spiritually, personally, not just physically. The first step is the acknowledgment of the soul. The second step is getting to know the soul. From here there are many more steps leading up to enlightenment, which I believe is the realization and the experience of connection with God. I think I'm still only at the first step. I am really eager to learn more, to feel more, to grow more and to be more.

An exciting thing happened to me just within the past couple weeks. I had finally discovered what my life's purpose is. It is difficult to explain it using words, which are very limiting, but my life's purpose is to grow. I have hope that I can grow enough to be able to help someone else someday, someone who sincerely wants to grow as I want to grow. It took a while to even realize I wanted to grow, but once I realized it, a lot of the weeds on the path disappeared which really helps me to see the path more clearly.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I Had a Thought Just Now....

After the Enlightened Ones die and are sucked back into the Great Being, thus becoming the Great Being, are all thoughts of everyone on the planet at one moment experienced by this one Great Being? All these thoughts are experienced by the One as if all these thoughts were Its own? Everything I see and you see and they see, are all these seen at once by the Great Being? Is it like being in the heads and minds of everyone at the same time?

I wonder if this is what Awareness is. I wonder if this is Cosmic Consciousness.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Free Rice Challenge

My vocabulary skills have been improving ever since I started to play Free Rice a couple months ago to help feed hungry people. My skill level tends to hover around 38 to 40 right now and sometimes goes as high as 50. There are other ways to use the Free Rice website in order to have free rice donated to third world countries, such as a geography quiz, various language quizzes, art, chemistry and math.

This is a legitimate charity that was featured on 60 Minutes. On the quiz, for each answer you get right, 20 grains of rice are donated. I challenge you to play the game today and donate 1000 grains of rice. After you're done, come back here and leave a comment. You will see that it is so easy to spend just a small amount of time in order to help people who really need your help. You do not need high-speed internet to play the game.

To play, join me and others by clicking the Free Rice icon in the top right-hand corner of my blog.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Synchronicity Journal October 8, 2008

I mostly haven't been journaling my experiences with synchronicity lately with the exception of yesterday's event. Today, so far, two of them have happened that I thought were fun.

Earlier today, my husband noticed that a wooden post on our fence had broken in two, probably from when the winds from Ike blew through a few weeks ago. He said, "For now I'll have to 'scab' it." I had never before heard of people scabbing things to repair them. A couple hours ago, my dad called. For no reason whatsoever, he told me that he'd like to get an English bulldog and name it "Scab". (My father has a weird sense of humor.) I had not told him about the broken fence post before this.

An hour ago my husband and I were moving a mattress out of the spare bedroom. He went to the kitchen to retrieve something and I was looking at the books on the bookshelf as I waited for him. I felt drawn towards a book called "The Ant World", by Derek Wragge Morley. A half hour later someone posted a message to a Yahoo group that I belong to. The person's name is "Ant". The post he wrote was about a book he had found.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A Most Impressive Synchronicity

I see synchronicity often, especially starting early last year. The synchronicity I experienced just a few minutes ago is one of the strongest I have ever experienced. All I can say is, "Wow!"

About ten minutes ago I read an email my next door neighbor sent me. It's one of those forwards you sometimes get. This one was about using your car alarm to get people's attention in case someone breaks into your house or you're in trouble in a parking lot, etc. Not five minutes had passed when a car alarm sounded at a neighbor's behind our house.

It's not often that car alarms go off where I live. My window was open and it was so loud, as if to say, "Now THIS should really get your attention!"

As if this experience was not awesome enough, a little while before I read the email I was wondering to myself if it is possible to CREATE synchronicity. So the experience of that synchronicity was a synchronicity!!

Synchronicity is so exciting, especially when it's this obvious.

The Power of Words

This gave me chills.

If you have high speed internet you can watch it. It's only about five minutes long. If you don't have high speed internet and would like to know what the video is about, email me and I'll give you the run-down.

Monday, October 6, 2008

I Was Thinking Today That... [Edited]

I am not interested in using magic to bring harm to others.
I am not interested in using magic to empower myself in any way except to gain powers necessary for the positive spiritual growth of myself or others.
I am not interested in the dark side.
I am not interested in making money off any wisdom or knowledge I gain through my spiritual studies.
I am not interested in becoming a fortune teller.
I am not interested in getting involved in any lengthy debate.
I am not interested in being superior to others.

What I am interested in is:

Becoming a better person
Kindness towards others
Helping others using means accessible to me
Humaneness (towards BOTH humans and animals)

I am not interested in focusing on magic though I understand that some magic may be beneficial to growth. My own personal opinion is that it would be easy to get caught-up in the fascination and novelty that comes from magic. I know that there are many interesting roadside attractions on the path that I am taking and that any normal curious human being would be tempted to set-up camp there, but it is my goal as a spiritual seeker and traveler to not become sidetracked by these.

Having made these statements, I am interested in hearing what others have to say about their own interests. While I do not know yet if my stances regarding magic are right or wrong, I believe that the foundation of everything I believe in is said simply by The Golden Rule, which has been stated in many different ways throughout many different cultures, but is probably most easily recognized by, "Do unto others as you would have done unto you."

I am not perfect by any means. In fact, I have quite a bit of growing to do. Putting these statements to paper is useful to me because it will remind me to do the best in all situations, and when I am not able to do the best I seek to at least do better.

Edited 2:20pm, October 7, 2008 to add:

I should say that I do not frown upon fortune tellers or those who make their living doing these activities. It's just that I wish to spend my time differently by continuing to search for answers and realization. Maybe this is self-serving, I don't know. However, if I knew for certain that any of these activities could help heal others, I would give them a try.

One of the things I need to remember is that I should not allow myself to feel spiritual pride by thinking my choices are better than those that others have chosen for themselves. I also should not allow myself to feel spiritual pride because I have consciously chosen to be a spiritual seeker while many on this planet have not.

I also apologize for being so ostentatious on my blog. While I realize I may be giving in to feelings of self-importance by even having this blog, this is my diary and journal where I post all my thoughts, dreams and progress. Also, this blog allows me to converse with others who are on their own paths and who share the interest in seeking the divine. There are no clubs or groups in my area that I know of that focus on the things I speak about on this blog. I am still trying to find others in my area, though.

Most importantly, I am very thankful to others for being so kind to me. I am a very lucky person because people have done wonderful things for me. Also, even in spite of a few occasional obstacles, life has rewarded me in so many ways. Good things continue to happen to me. I feel very blessed. As someone said to me recently, "Life has shown you favor more than once."

The Bee and the Fleur de Lis

Last week I saw an icon of a bee used to symbolize a neophyte. In the diagram that included the bee, it showed the evolution of the symbol from bee to Fleur de Lis.

A day or two after seeing this diagram online, I went to a furniture store and saw a large canvas of the fleur de lis symbol as seen on the right of the image below. It seemed to be a statement, as the canvas was in the entryway of the store.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

The Path


Read between the lines.

The Dance

Dream Date October 5, 2008

A sheet of paper that I was looking at described a man. Under the field "Affiliation", it said "Mason". There was also a sheet for me. The same field said, "Rosicrucian".

I grew excited as I noticed a rainbow in the sky. I was upset that I didn't have my camera to take a picture of it. I looked up the street, which was also a steep hill, and my husband was in the man's yard taking photographs of it. Later, the camera was in my possession and I was trying to take photos of it before it disappeared.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Weekend Getaway

My husband is making me go camping this weekend! He wants me to get away to spend some time outdoors. His complaint is that I spend too much time inside my head. Although I grumbled a bit at the thought of having to leave home, I do agree that it might be good for me to just relax for a few days. Depression and fatigue have been coming and going, mixed in with a bit of up-ness to keep my bipolarity on its toes. I haven't gone to volunteer at the animal rescue sanctuary for a few weeks and I do feel some guilt over this because I miss the animal friends that I've made. I am going to try hard to go next Thursday. I also want to go help my father and stepmother again with all the trees that fell down in their backyard when the remnants of Ike blew through; I'll do that when I return. I get back Sunday so Monday would be a good day for that.

The sweepstakes that I won couldn't have come at a better time. We needed to do some work to our house and for the past couple weeks the work has been getting done. It should be finished by next week, then I can clean up the house. It is so disorganized right now that I feel a little overwhelmed. Part of the sweepstakes prize was furniture. We went to pick out a bedroom suite and couch today. I loved my house before, but I love my house even more now. It's a small house but I plan on living here the rest of my life. That "home sweet home" feeling is a real feeling; it's a nice cozy feeling.

I get various magazines at my house made out to my art business, everything from Motor Trend, to Travel, to Caribbean, to Psychology Today, Home, Modern Home, Seed, Spin, U.S. News and World Report, Antiques and others. (I get them for free.) They keep coming and I can't keep up with them. It occurred to me recently that people at the local nursing home might like to read some of them, so now I have a way to recycle the magazines. I just wanted to mention this because I thought if any of you have magazines that you usually throw away when you're finished reading, maybe you can save them and deliver them to a nursing home near you.

I'm hoping to respond to the most recent comments left here when I return on Sunday, but if I don't, know that I have read them all. I always get a copy of them sent to my email address. Thank you for the conversation. You are my modern-day pen-pals. :)

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Spiritual Thoughts Consuming Lower Thoughts

This is a very personal topic and I apologize for forcing it on you, but something has happened to me that I wonder about.

Most of you that know me online (and that's almost everyone in my life except for family), know I've been a spiritual "seeker" for almost four years. I think at the beginning it was a curiosity, then it began to become more and more serious, almost like a hunger or need. The past month it seems to have become so intense it has consumed almost every waking moment. I'm spending most of my day contemplating the spiritual realm. It dawned on me a few days ago that I haven't had a sexual fantasy in a month or more. While I was never a sex addict or anything, like most grown humans I experienced the occasional sexual fantasy. I wonder if this decline in fantasy is normal for most spiritual seekers. I am not at all worried about it; in fact, I think this is a good thing for me because it shows I'm automatically purifying myself as if readying myself for more growth towards a higher level, in which animal needs have no place.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Egyptian God Horus and Jesus

I was looking into pre-Christian era crosses online today. Almost synchronistically there was a television program on tonight called, "The Pagan Christ". I don't watch t.v. but my husband called me out of my computer room because he thought I might want to see it. It had already been on about 15 minutes when I walked in, and right about when I sat down the show displayed an image of a man on a cross. It turns out, this image was around before Christ. Here is the image:

The show pointed out some similarities between the Egyptian god Horus and Jesus Christ. I won't get into them all here, because there are so many. If you would like to see them for yourself, visit this page: http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_jcpa5.htm

I was able to find the segment on YouTube, and watched the beginning of the show that I had missed. It raises some interesting questions.

There are five parts; here is the first:

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Life Has a Flavor; Notice It

When you eat a banana split, do you just perform the action of eating a banana split, such as, take spoon, scoop up ice cream and piece of banana, stick in mouth, chew, swallow, or do you really TASTE the banana split?

I've just noticed how easy it is to eat food as if it were just an automatic daily ritual, without remembering to taste it. It seems more worthwhile to taste it, to enjoy it.

I'm sure this applies to life, too, not just a banana split. I want to use more of my senses more often, instead of living as a biological creature. Not just taste, touch, smell, sight, sound... but more.

Free Food for the Hungry

A few times on this blog I've mentioned a few free charities that allow you to give food to the hungry simply by clicking the button on your mouse. I have added some buttons on the right column of this blog that will allow easy access to these charities.

On The Hunger Site, you can click the big button once a day on each of the sub-charities. These include, "Hunger, Breast Cancer, Child Health, Literacy, Rain Forest, Animal Rescue". You can sign-up for a daily email which will remind you to return to the site to do your clicks.

Free Rice mixes in a bit of fun by testing your vocabulary knowledge while you do your clicks.

All it takes is just a few minutes of your day. It's easy to get to these sites; all you have to do is click the buttons on the top right side of my blog.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Teachings of an Initiate

"...But at length there comes a time when the yearnings of the spirit are felt, and the personality sees the light and sets out to seek its Higher Self across the bridge of mind. And as flesh and blood cannot inherit the Kingdom of God, the body is crucified that the soul may be liberated and joined to its Father in Heaven, the threefold spirit, the Higher Self."
~Max Heindel


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Plant a Seed of Light and Watch it Grow

I'm still in the beginning of the book on Kabbalah I've been reading. I'm not moving along very quickly for two reasons. The first reason is that when I come to instructions in the book for a meditation, I stop reading until I am able to do the meditation. Secondly, I find myself wanting even more detail, so I stop reading and go to the Internet to explore some of the topics even further. One such topic is that of the tenth Sephirah, Malkuth. It is at the bottom of the Tree of Life, and is quartered into four segments. Basically it is a circle with a cross inside. The book calls it the "Elemental Mandala", because it represents four elements, earth, air, water and fire. (It can represent other things, like the seasons or the four cardinal directions, or more.) These four segments have their own symbolic colors. I won't get into the colors here. As an aside, I experienced an eerie synchronicity yesterday with this circle. Not long after reading about it in the book, I was watching a video online about Meher Baba. One of the symbols they used in the video was the circle with four segments. It happened so soon after seeing it in the book that I couldn't help but feel stimulated by it.

One of the exercises dealing with Malkuth - named "The Cross of the Elements" - is a meditation that involves imagining four rays of light emanating from a small seed in my heart. From the furthest point on the horizon, the eastern (front) ray begins to sweep around me in a clockwise fashion, all the way around, forming the circle.

The circle looks like the image below. I could not find a simple image like this doing a Google image search, so I used software to draw it. I doubt the circle is perfect and I'm sure the lines aren't exactly centered, but I think it at least gets the point across (a cross).

"We’ll leave the Light on for you."
~Motel 6 commercial

Dream Date September 23, 2008

I had stitches on the outside of my little finger. They were somehow pulled out partially, so I went to the urgent care center or emergency room to see about getting the stitches fixed. Apparently, the place I went to also dealt with mentally ill patients, so the waiting room was entirely full of mentally ill people sitting around waiting to get mental status examinations. They were there before me but I didn't want to have to wait because I thought my issue would take a quick fix and should get done prior to them giving lengthy examinations which would make my wait quite long. There was a doctor sitting on a chair in the waiting room; I think he was there to "baby sit" or something. I asked him, "Do I have to wait for all these people just to get my stitches fixed?" He said, "Yes."

This seems to me to be a lesson in patience (patients). I shouldn't expect immediate results (immediate enlightenment).

Monday, September 22, 2008

Up, Up and Away

I remember quickly shooting up into the sky from the ground,
Like a rocket or speeding bullet, or even Superman.
I was moving so fast there were air trails around me.
I pierced through the atmosphere as if I was piercing through a veil.

I saw spiral galaxies and intergalactic light shows.
What were the lights?
Perhaps they were stars being born.

"Keep going up and you'll project astrally."
That's what I told myself.

Was it an out-of-body experience?
Or was it just a dream?

~From a dream I had while sleeping late today.

Dream Date September 21, 2008

I dreamed that my cat Peachy drowned in a pool of water; perhaps it was a pond. There was a man sitting nearby under a tree. He saw her drown. I confronted him, and asked, "Didn't you do anything to try to save her?" He replied, "No." I became angry at him.

Goodness knows there are all sorts of possible meanings to this dream, if there is meaning to be found at all. In spite of owning several dream dictionaries, I do not consult any of them, for I have learned that the symbolism in my dreams is only relevant to me or those that know me on a deeper level. I am not certain, anymore, that there is objective symbolism in dreams.

With that said, it had just occurred to me a moment ago that I can see at least one possible meaning. In this dream, Peachy could be me, or really any spiritual seeker for that matter. The man under the tree is trying to teach me independence, or teaching me to rescue myself from the troubles I get into as opposed to relying on others to come to my rescue.

My Bookmarks

The link below gives access to even more links of things that have interested me over the course of time. I've been cleaning the inventory of links and will probably be adding more in the next few days. Many of these come from the bookmarks or favorites I have in my browsers. Some are pages that I've read but most are things I want to look at when I have more time.

Mostly the list is composed of spiritual subjects, esotericism, etc.


Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sounds Familiar

I seek the mystery of Life and Time,
The Key of all that is not and that is,
And that which -- climb, imagination! climb! --
Transcends them both -- the Mystical abyss
Where Mind and Being marry, and are Bliss.

~From Tannhauser: A Story of All Time


A similarity I noticed, from Dedication:

I shall not tell thee that I love thee!
Nay! by the Star in Heaven burning,
Its ray to me at midnight turning
To tell me that it beams above thee --
Nay! though thou wert, as I am, yearning,
I should not tell thee that I love thee!

And from Caroline Elizabeth Sarah Norton, one of my favorite poems:

I do not love thee! - no! I do not love thee!
And yet when thou art absent I am sad;
And envy even the bright blue sky above thee,
Whose quiet stars may see thee and be glad.

I do not love thee! - yet, I know not why,
Whate'er thou dost seems still well done, to me:
And often in my solitude I sigh
That those I do love are not more like thee!

I do not love thee! - yet, when thou art gone,
I hate the sound (though those who speak be near)
Which breaks the lingering echo of the tone
Thy voice of music leaves upon my ear.

I do not love thee! - yet thy speaking eyes,
With their deep, bright, and most expressive blue,
Between me and the midnight heaven arise,
Oftener than any eyes I ever knew.

I know I do not love thee! - yet, alas!
Others will scarcely trust my candid heart;
And oft I catch them smiling as they pass,
Because they see me gazing where thou art.

Rachel's Song

Discover Gio Aria!

This is a cover of Vangelis's "Rachel's Song" from the Blade Runner Soundtrack, one of my favorite songs.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Parable of the Goldfish, a Tale of Trust

A friend of mine that I used to be in frequent contact with a couple years ago sent me an email last night after reading some of the recent posts on my blog. I couldn't pass up the chance so I asked him for permission to post it here. It's a true story.

"Perhaps all it means is that everyone and everything is your teacher, as you are a teacher to all things.

Way back when we first started writing a bit to each other I told you about a cattle trough we have on our ranch, and the goldfish in it. I told you how I scraped the algae on the side of the tank with my hand and how they'd swim over to it to feast on the algae. Several months ago a raccoon or maybe a crane got all but two of them, and for all this time those two lost all their training and would stay at the center of the through, never coming over to the scraped off algae. But I persisted, every day scraping it again, until finally they have become tame again.

I suppose this is no big deal, other than it illustrates how trust can be lost, and with patience, regained. Although it seems to me that with humans it's more common that trust is never regained. Perhaps with so many people around, people figure there's always another."

I responded with this:

"Once trust is lost with someone, it is very difficult to find that trust again. I know this through experiencing someone's loss of trust in me. ... I won't go into details about this, but through the loss of this trust in me, I learned that trust is not to be taken lightly."

Telling the Truth

Until today, my profile used to say, "I'm just a newly 30 year old woman..." I just changed it to plain old 30, as it has now been three months that I've been 30.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Inner Tree

(Image: Yggdrasil or the Tree of Life)

I've been slowly reading a book I bought a couple weeks ago. It is _The Kabbalah Experience_, by Naomi Ozaniec. I was on the airplane headed for Phoenix when I did the first meditative exercise. It is more like guided imagery, to be exact, but the meditation led me on my own symbolic journey.
The first exercise is called "Inner Tree". To read the short exercise and to participate in it yourself, read page 10 of the book, found HERE.

I wrote down my reflections in a small memo pad; I share them here with you. If you read the page and do the meditation, I'd be interested in discussing your reactions to it.
I stood before the garden with great curiosity, as I have done with the mysteries in general. Opening the door, I walked to the tree which has very tempting fruit. I partake of the fruit. It's the Tree of Knowledge and the fruit is Wisdom, meant to transform me. After eating the fruit, I exit the door opposite the one I came in, because it was the farthest away, hence there will be the greatest transformation from who I was before I walked into the first door. I did not want to leave the way I came, for to do so would mean I'd return to my former incomplete self. Finally, I close the door, signifying the transformation is complete. (I also thought of the forbidden fruit that Adam and Eve ate. I believe this thought is caused by remnants of my early Christian upbringing.)

It should be said here that I am not interested in Ka-pop-alah, or the modern day fad that is made popular by Madonna. I hope to find the real Kabbalah in my searches.

Gau - Tibetan Buddhist Prayer Boxes

In 2001 I saw a movie in the foreign film festival called "Himalaya". (It is one of my top two or three favorite-all-time movies.) One of the characters in the film was wearing a pendant that I fell in love with. I am trying to find one like it. The closest I've come in my short Google search so far is this amulet box: http://www.asianart.com/exhibitions/bowers/23.html
I've also found this: http://www.bandcantiques.com/items/330879/item330879store.html

At these prices I can keep on dreaming, but I'm hopeful that I can at least find a replica. There are many different styles of Gaus, Ghaus, Gaos or prayer boxes, but it's the figurine inside the peep hole that I like.

Have you ever seen one of these before?

At least watch the movie trailer. Click on the title of the movie to watch it. I don't think the trailer shows the Gau, but I do want to point the movie out to you. If you have Netflix, now is a good time to put it on your queue! The music is stunning; I've had the soundtrack for years. If you watch it, let me know what you think.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Hi from Phoenix

I just wanted to say hello from Phoenix, Arizona! I'm in the hotel using their computer in the lobby. Surprisingly - as I am not a sports fan - I found that the baseball game was fun and rather exciting. Maybe it was the surroundings, the people cheering, the popcorn, cokes, hot dogs, vendors, lights.... Our team (Cincinnati Reds) won. It went into the 10th inning. I'll post pictures on my photo blog when I return.

See you tomorrow night!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Bon Voyage

I'm leaving for Phoenix in the morning. I'll respond to comments when I get back on the 15th. See you then!

Dream Date September 12, 2008

First dream:

I was showing off a photograph to someone that showed me attached to a celebrity in midair while we were skydiving. (I don't remember who the celebrity was. In fact, as I see his face now in my memory, I don't believe he is a waking life celebrity.) The celebrity had on a yellow jumpsuit and was looking right into the camera.

Second dream:

I received an email from someone that I didn't know; it said that A. had died. I became very upset and started to cry. (A. was my previous teacher.)

New Photos and Videos

I've posted some more vanity photos on my photo blog as well as a few short videos.


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Dream Date September 11, 2008

First dream:

In waking life I've been meditating almost every night, based on a meditation that was taught to me by Daniel. One of the things I began to notice about this meditation was that I starting seeing imagery of faces flash before my mind's eye. It's only happened a few times but I never mentioned it to my Teacher. In the dream, I received an email from him that told me one of the points of the meditation was to see faces. Reading this, I became excited because I hadn't yet told him about the faces I was seeing.

Second dream:

I'm sitting on a couch, barefooted. I look at my feet on the floor and see frogs everywhere. I lift up my feet and see that there are squished dead frogs on the soles. I begin to panic because there is nowhere for me to put my feet, and everywhere I put them are more and more frogs. I also start to see another type of amphibian; there's nothing like it that I know of in real life, though I'd say it resembles a very large tadpole with legs. These new amphibians are larger than the frogs and hence would produce more ooze should I step on them. This was a very slimy dream!

Note on the first dream: I am curious about the faces I've been seeing, so I did a Google search and found a short article someone wrote on their blog about "psychic faces". http://spiritual-web.com/psychic-faces/

Note on second dream: There have been tree frogs showing up on the cover to our hot tub. Last year, a tree frog kept showing up on the cover and I kept picking it up and walking it all the way to the back of our yard to place it on a tree. He showed up three times after I kept moving him and I was just tickled that this little frog hopped back all the way across the yard to stay in or on our hot tub. Finally we just decided to let him stick around. In the end, it was a bad choice, because my husband accidentally put the cover down on him. The next day, I lifted the cover to find him there, squished. I was very unhappy about seeing my "friend" there, dead. Here are photos of him (or her): http://visionsoftheworld.blogspot.com/2007/09/my-little-hot-tub-frog.html I have taken photos of some of the frogs that have showed up this year: http://surroundingsofexistence.blogspot.com/2008/09/jeremiah.html and http://surroundingsofexistence.blogspot.com/2008/09/jeremiahs-girlfriend.html