Saturday, December 20, 2008

A Moment of Honesty

Sometimes I see the perceived impossibility of enlightenment. Just when you think you have it, it's gone.

Just when you think you've finally made it and have finally made a connection, you lose it.

I can't control the energy crashes I experience lately well enough to have steady spiritual growth.

Right now I want to pretend that everything is OK and that I'm a perfect spiritual student and I want to keep the upbeat positive tone of my blog going so that it doesn't appear to everyone that I'm failing. I want the teachers out there to think I'm good enough to do the work and that I'll get it done quickly without giving excuses as to why I'm not getting it done right away instead of just being honest and telling them that I'm exhausted but please give me more time because I always find my energy again.

That's just the way it is right now, especially more so this winter it seems. When it happens, everything is fine, there are no problems, I just need to wait it out. Sometimes the energy is back in a few hours, sometimes a few days, sometimes a week or so, but it always comes back. This is how I was made; this is who I am. I know there is a reason for it. When I'm feeling exhausted I long for the connection to the Universe, and when I'm connected again I don't take it for granted. This is how I have been called. I'm thankful to the Universe for who I am and how I am.

All I ask from the Universe and you in return is patience with me as I regain the energy. One thing I want to say is that I can do the work. I will do it. That is my life's purpose.


Don said...


What is this work you feel you must get done? Maybe that's why you're getting gloomy. Unless it's life or death work, maybe just ease up. Most entities in the Universe just "are" without feeling they have some great purpose in life.

Matt Jones said...


You sound like a very sincere and caring person. You will never be able to be good enough and create enough good things in your life to relieve your guilt. Sometimes we can mask the pain and forget about it but it always returns. As human beings we are not even slightly able to fill that void within however, we were created to have a relationship with the Creator of the universe and that is possible because of Jesus Christ. If you are interested in learning more read the book of John in the bible. Jesus promises to save if only you will believe in Him.

raymond said...

You are right on course Sophia, no change is indicated, imo. Every time we move to a new level we have to break through some extremely tough s--t.

We will never get bored, there are always new and wonderfully deeper levels. Have you read any Pema Chodrun? She is a treasure.

After awhile you will learn to enjoy wrestling with your demons just as much as your times of bliss. At that point things get really interesting.

Anonymous said...

What you are experiencing is the work, and at a fairly advanced rate I would say. Don't worry you are doing fine.

A justed said...

Where are you now? Not a while ago when this was writen, but really "right now?"
Are you aware of this instant, like a child focused on an ant crawling on a blade of grass. Or are you too caught up in the puzzles that your mind likes to create with what has been done or what should be done.

Our mind and ego (the self image developed via our life's story, as seen though our eyes) loves to keep us preoccupied with who we are or who we think we should be. Concerned if the world is accuately reflecting this image of ourselves. Would true enlightenment not be accessed through the opposite of this? As a master serves would an enlightened one not shed this focus of the mind?

It seem obvious to me that all of what our ego perceives us to be, is simply an accumulation of life experiences and talents that we did not have at birth and that will be released before or at death. (fill in your own examples here) Yet we still were, at birth as we will be at death. Therefore, while interesting in this material world, this has little to do with who we are.

As for you connection with the One you call "God." (which I think is so over used and wrongly used it has lost any chance of having an accurate and encompasing meaning) You are not lost any more than a fish has been lost to the water in which he swims and derives all things. You can not move with out touching the One. It lives within you and everywhere beyond you.

thank you for sharing your moment with me and creating this web site allowing all of to find the connection.

A justed said...

I just reread my posting. I apologize for all the typos. I tend to do that. I hope it did not obscure or diminish the meaning.

Sophia said...


Don't worry about your typos. I understood your comment. I'll show you something later on about typos.

I'm going to finish up some shopping and have dinner with family, when I return tonight I'll say some things.

Sophia said...

Hi Don,

Probably my main priority in the work I'm doing is to try to overcome the low energy periods I have. I know I have to just do it. I can't use winter as an excuse. Another priority I have is to develop discipline, which I know I am sorely lacking. Without energy or discipline I can't make spiritual progress.

At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging, I do feel I've made some progress, because not too long ago I never would have said these things about myself. I would have denied them. The energy problem I would have blamed on depression and the discipline problem I would have flat out denied.

The first step in overcoming a difficulty is acknowledging it.

Sophia said...

Hi Matt,

Thank you for your input.

My spirituality is very broad and encompasses the Truth from many religions.

I believe Jesus is a Master and that Christianity springs forth from the same Source that other religions stem from.

It is this Source that draws mystics.

Sophia said...

Hi Raymond,

Thank you for your support.

I have not read any Pema Chodrun but there is a chapter devoted to her in the book I'm reading right now. Actually, the chapter is here, too:

I think for me it becomes easier to accept the energy crashes when I tell myself that it is part of the journey. Also, it seems there are other spiritual people who have this same obstacle so it helps to know I'm not alone.

In the same book I'm reading, there is a chapter about Al-Ghazzali. I liked this little bit of wisdom:

"A person suffering from depression will be told a different cause for his ailment, depending on who he sees; the physician and the astrologer will find different causes. It does not occur to them that God may have given the man the illness for a reason, and caused the conditions that led to his dissatisfaction with the normal pleasures with life, in the hope that it would draw him closer to God. There is always a real cause behind the apparent ones, and that real cause is God's."

Sophia said...


Thank you. :)

Sometimes it's nice to get a reminder from a friend that things are as they should be.

Sophia said...

Hi A justed, (by the way, I like the word play in your name. Since seeing it I've been curious about how you've been adjusted.)

I wasn't aware of this instant until you reminded me of it. I'm mostly always caught-up in the puzzles of my mind. It reminds me of when Mossy tells me to feel my feet on the ground.

I know "God" isn't the perfect word to describe what you call "One", and usually I call It by different names, like "Universe", "Divine", or as my friend Klaus calls it, "Love". Unfortunately the word "God" sometimes brings to mind a deity that is separate from us as portrayed in various religions. So I can understand why you'd prefer not to use that word.

Thank you for visiting and commenting, here. I can really use the insight you offer us.

P.S. Regarding typos, what I wanted to show you was this, and you may have seen it before but I like to show it to friends who are concerned about their typos:

"Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."

Matt Jones said...


I ask these questions because I am truly trying to understand your position:
1. You said your spirituality encompasses the Truth from many religions. Most religions claim a truth all there own which is not compatible with the other for example, the Muslim view that Jesus was only a prophet is not compatable with the Christian belief that Jesus is God incarnate. How can you believe that all religions are true when the religions themselves deny that possiblility?
2. I do believe that all religions spring from the same empty void left inside each of us that makes us automatically know that we were created to have a relationship with our creator. A) What is a Master? B) Jesus said explicitly that he is the only way. There is no other name by which men must be saved. He is either the Truth or he is a liar. How do YOU decide which one he is?

A justed said...

Thank you for your response.

In regard to my name. As is the case with most things, the truth is to be found in the simplest answer. I try to give credit to those who have inspired me or are credit for the words that inspire. I try to give myself wiggle room as for most I have never really spoken to.... I have only heard that they have said. So the phrase is often "I believe _______ said" or "I think ______ said." I may fill these blanks with Buddha, Jesus, John Lennon, the Cohen Brothers or others. Unfortunatly, even this may give undue weight or credence to my words as I am quoting a greater, higher source.

When the truth is, that most things I say are sifted, sorted and paraphrased at best. Therefore they should be only regarded as a humble opinion, stated in the words of someone with given name of Theodore. That is why I sign...Just Ted. Over time my post scripts to my friends have become "A justed"s.

I am always taken back (given pause)by those who directly quote enlightened people. I am looking forward to you response to Matt, who seems most sincere in his question.

FYI your wiget problem helped me catch up on the posting of alot of your friends. I understand why you find Klaus inspiring. He is wise.

Also I been blessed with a slight case of "lsydaixe." Therefore, I see things a little differantly than most. (I know, much too easy for a "cbalebrs etmsar")

And for the word-player in you...amist the turmoil of the holidays, take time to be in-joy-in yourself and know that most of your friends truly are well....a justed.

Sophia said...

Hi Matt,

I just wanted to let you know that I've read your comment but my mind is too foggy right now to respond. I've stayed up until 5:30am so I will answer after I've gotten some rest.

If I do not hear from you before Christmas, I wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas Day.

Sophia said...

Hi A Justed,

Should I call you Ted or Theodore or do you just like a justed?

I have more to say to you, too, but my mind has just started to go into shut-down mode, so sometime after I awake later today I will be my chatty old self. (I have to keep being that self until I know better....)

A justed said...

Ahhh... A question for my ego?

Your know the truth is: I am who I am beyond name and form(which the internet makes obvious)as are you. As I am known by many names and titles, which are each closely tied to the roles, positions and places of this life. (Father, son, husband, friend, competitor, teacher, student & neighbor.)As for a name, am I not just who I am to you & the blogger of this site. Maybe this is why Jesus rebnamed his disciples.

As for me. I really do not care. You choose. When my ego checks in, as it often does, maybe my response will change. But until then take your pick.

Sophia said...

Hi Matt,

Here's the response I promised earlier this morning.

Jesus, I think, was both a prophet and a God-man. So in that sense both Islam and Christianity together are correct. He was a prophet in that he incarnated in this world to spread the message that would help awaken mankind, to show mankind that we can be the God-realized being that he was. To be God-realized is to awaken to who we are, that is, not separate from God. We are all mystics yet some have not realized this. To be a mystic is to have the closest relationship with God possible. In fact, as someone has said, God (The Beloved) is closer to you than you are to yourself. God is within you and me, and because we are made of the same, we are the same, we are One. Jesus said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you." That is a popular mystical quote that you've probably seen a lot.

A Master is a God-realized being who uses this expanded consciousness to help awaken others to a new spritual life.

Sophia said...

Hi A Justed,

You are using Occam's Razor to explain your name, yet Occam's Razor uses logic, which is a tool of the mind, yes? When we are in an egoless or mindless state, do we have access to logic? And really, can we say that the spritual is logical? This is probably just another Sophia mind puzzle.

Isn't everything we say sifted, sorted or paraphrased in some way? The words and the intellectual things we know we were conditioned into knowing from birth?

I am glad you were able to discover some of the wisdom of my friends and visitors to this blog through the malfunctioning of the comments widget. Hopefully Blogger will fix it soon because I must have had some kind of attachment to it.

Yes, Klaus is very wise. Love speaks through him naturally.

You are wise, too. I don't know you very well, yet, but I know you are.

By the way, what does "cbalebrs etmsar" mean? I got "stream" as the second word.... I'm not as clever as I make myself out to be. :)

A justed said...


Quite a few questions, Sophia. At the "risk of being rude" (Paul Simon) I will try to answer all and appologise in advance for how wordy I get.

Occam's Razor may be more than is needed to describe my explanation of my name (ie not very Occam's Razor in and of itself) as there is little to strip away. However the basic understanding of "the simplest answer is correct" is true & yes that was what I was trying to say. It means Just Ted.

I enjoyed your logic arguement, however I do believe in a clarity of thought that we could call a "Spritual Logic." A emotionally unattached, non-judgemental reasoning when detached from the ego. This does not mean that the ego is not operating. Matter of fact, one of the best ways to understand it, is access the calm awareness of your ego as it is displaying an emotion response. That duality is the first key.

Yes, I agree all is sifted, sorted and usually paraphrased and I think it is a good understanding to have when opening a conversation. I am cautious of those who claim otherwise. And yes, I also agree that our life experiences color our observations and understandings.

And lastly, this is kinda funny that I should have to tell you this..."cbalebrs etmsar" unscrambles as "Scrabble Master."

A justed

Sophia said...

Hi A Justed,

I guess we'd have to use a little bit of logic to get by in the world. I wouldn't want to be in an egoless state without any logic when I'm coming up to a red light in my car.

When I think about how all our thoughts and conversations are just phrases reordered, resifted, paraphrased, etc., I guess to some extent everyone is a parrot. Are there any original ideas? Maybe there is just One original idea. That could explain why some phenomena popped up at about the same time in different parts of the world. In that case, all we could ever hope to do is just channel from that Idea.

It's just me thinking again. I don't know if I could be mindless for very long, because I like thinking.

I'm kinda embarrassed that you had to tell me what your scrambled words meant. Maybe my mind ignores the most obvious. I guess we all do that until the light comes on.

A justed said...

Oh no..

It is the reordered, resifted, paraphrased, etc. that makes us "unparrot like." The painter only has the same colors that have always been available, it is the reordering of them that makes him unique. The same with the musician and all of us.

I think the only work needed is the work at not working. Finding the off switch for the mind that leads to a greater, not lessor awareness.

A very Merry Christmas to you.

A justed

Sophia said...


What do you think about other work, like visualization and things like Kabbalah, etc.?

Do you think that discussions between two people are keeping us from a greater awareness? We have to use the mind to talk.... Personally, I like talking and I feel that "talking" has helped me learn more about all that is, and if I didn't talk I wouldn't be where I am now.

A justed said...

I wish I could give you a simple answer on this but if I did it would not truly reflect my beliefs.

I think all things, work, play, stress, happiness lead to the one truth. It is as if all are placed on a globe and while you may be traveling in the wrong direction eventually you will be closer. Some paths are much longer and harder but all will get you closer than you are. Kinda like karma. Take an negative path and the universe will make the correction.

So visualization and Kabbalah (kind of a strange pairing) are still things of the mind. I think of viualization as a mind exercise and not assisting in learning how to turn off the mind-talk.

My understanding is that Kabbalah is a small segment of the Judaism, a lot like the Jesus movement was for at least 100 years after Jesus died. They have a number of core principal correct as do most religions.

However all religions become political entities whos primary function is not truth but survival of the religion. In defining the religion the leader become what you might call "Map-Makers-of -the-Mind."

A Short Story:

At the age of 21 I took my first ride in a airplane. I was fairly smart and relatively well educated, or so I thought. Yet I was still a little surprised to see that there were no big fat black lines between the states or between the countries. Also I notice that the USA was not comprised of differant pastel colored states. It seem silly I know, but having it drilled in since youth there was still a vague expectation that this would be the case. I guess that is "faith" a belief with no logical reasoning or proof. The thought was that my teachers had access to greater knowledge or understanding that I could not access.

You see all my life I had been shown the map-makers representation of the world. Yet when my eyes opened to the truth, I saw all was really beautifully blended togeather and there was no true separation as I had been taught.

the end

So as the religious leaders draw their big black lines, religions become a entity of exclusion not inclusion.

So is there truth to be known from Kabbalah? I believe yes, much. However Judism is held by about 3% of the world's population and Kabbalah is a small part of that. Do they have it right and everyone else is wrong (which is the core premise of all religions, we are right and everyone else is wrong)That is doubtful.

I would think the truth lies (interesting wording)in those things which are blended or shared. The truth is all around us. It is only the tast of sorting the is a problem.

But back to your question is there truth or wisdom to be found with in Kabbalah. I believe so. It is on the globe.

As for talking, it is of little or no value unless it leads to listening. However as listening and the injesting of knowledge based on what your hear (or read) is the opposite of turning off the puzzle loving mind. But just as someone could tell you how to drive a motorcyle, your body must learn to do these multiple tasks much faster than you can reason out what to do.

I hope I answered your questions.

Whew, I guess I like to talk too. LOL

A justed

Sophia said...

Just starting out with visualizations and possibly Kabbalah, I think my intentions are to do some exploring. It's like this new world has been placed before me and I want to look under every rock and climb every tree. I want to see more and do more. I have this new perspective that has given me a jumpstart out of some coma I've been in for a while.

OK, so here's the One. You've been introduced, now you want to get to know It. How to better communicate with It, how to better experience It. How to better BE It. How to make the most of this Life.

By the way, just for clarification, I'm not really seeking the same Kabbalah that Madonna seeks. Yes, its origins as a system are Judaic, but the essence of Kabbalah is timeless. I guess if I were to describe my interest in Kabbalah, I would say it is called "Hermetic Kabbalah". Visualization exercises are like building the muscles needed to make better use of the energies. At least that is what I think so far... I'm only just starting.

Your surprise at seeing there were no nice lines between states is probably a lot like the surprise some experienced when they found out the earth was not flat! Sort of like finding out you're more than human and that there's actually a purpose to all this.

Anyway, I got kind of carried away there. I got a little stuck on your last paragraph, the one about listening. I don't know if it's how you worded it or not, but I'm confused. Are you saying that listening to what we read or hear is the opposite of turning off our minds? If we didn't read or didn't hear or didn't talk, what would we do with all this time we have.... It seems to me at this time that even an enlightened being would need to entertain themselves somehow until leaving this gross plane for the more subtle.

I hope I was coherent. I've managed to stay up until about 5:00am so I don't know if I make any sense or not.

Goodnight. (Or, good morning!)

A justed said...

I have not done well in communicating with you. The point of my "story" was that there are no lines & religions draw lines and that has been and continues to be a fatal error for millions of people.

"Imagine no religion" John Lennon. I believe that was an enlightened statement.

I found your site from a google search that came back "enlighten me."

But if it is something else you are in search of... I can be of little help.

The very best of luck with your visualizations and Kabbalah. I am sure they contain wonderful things for the mind to know.

Thanks you for sharing.

A justed

Sophia said...

Give up so easily?

I think you've done a good job of communicating with me. I knew what the point of your story was. No lines - no separation. Lines - separation.

I'm not interested in following a religion. My interest in Kabbalah has nothing to do with religion. Just think of it as a hobby outside of my search for enlightenment. We don't have to make it the central focus of our conversations.

I thank you for sharing your viewpoints and your wisdom, even if you have already become impatient.

Sophia said...

I'm sorry for being so rude.

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