Thursday, March 15, 2007

Out with Friends, or More Like With-out

For lunch we went to a bar in the city. As it so happened, that same city has/had a basketball game going on for the NCAA tournament; it was on the t.v. I thought to myself, "I wonder if the camera men from one of the news channels will come here." Ten minutes later they showed up. With the way my frame of mind has been lately, I would almost say that maybe I'm psychic.

My coworker/friend - the one who's leaving tomorrow - actually agreed that the card I gave him was a good form of synchronicity, if ever there was one. To know that someone else witnessed it made me feel good. This is the same friend who joked yesterday that I would be going to Hell because I'm not Christian. That's the only thing that makes me uncomfortable when I'm around him. In the car on the way to lunch, I can't talk to anyone about how I'm feeling, or what I'm going through; they're too busy in conversation about church and communion. I try not to get frustrated that I have hardly anyone to talk to about my path of spirituality. Sometimes I even have doubts, and I think that maybe if I conform I won't feel so lonely. I daydream about giving up and asking my boss to help me find the Lord. I just wanted something to fill my heart, even though I know that if I want Love I'm going to have to find it within. This is not an easy route. It isn't painless. But I don't want to give up because for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm getting somewhere spiritually. Life is a coin right now. Heads and I'm the happiest I've ever been, yet tails and it's also the most painful experience I've known. Anyway, these are my thoughts and all they do is get in the way, except when I'm replaying synchronicities in my head, or other unusual situations and contemplating what they mean.

2 comments:

Mark said...

Stay true to thy self! The easy path is not your path. I would encourage you to subtley talk with people about the path you are on. It's okay that they are on a different path, and that they might not agree with you. In a way, that is a sign that you are on the right path.

Puzzled Woeman said...

Thanks for the encouragement. You have been a source of encouragement to me for two years, maybe even more but I can't remember. I just know that you commented on the very first blog that I ever had, which I started in September of 2004. If you are a part of me, then you're one of my better parts. :)

I wonder why you've never grown tired of hearing me whine? I think you may be one of the most loyal people I know. If ever I can do anything for you, please let me know.