Sunday, January 25, 2009

To Miss a Friend

Thinking of Jim again, wishing he could see everything that's going on. I wish you all could have known Jim, some of you did. Over the course of four months, several people from the states and abroad have contacted me looking for him.

Jim didn't have a home to call his own but he gave everything he had - his heart. I pray again that he is safe.

Reminiscing about him tonight I recalled the poem he wrote for me.

My heart misses him, and I have fears about what has happened, though I try not to voice them. Right before he went missing he said he had some money and wanted to know if he could buy me anything, and now it seems like he wanted to give me a goodbye gift, but I wouldn't let him.

It's really sad when you realize how much you really love a friend, but when you realize it in its entirety, it's too late. In this, Jim taught me a lesson - that I should never take my friends for granted.

I can't put to words how much I miss him and how it hurts to not know whether or not he's OK.

So, today, maybe you can be inspired - if you have just a moment to spare - to send a letter, an email, or make a phone call, just to say "hi" to a friend you haven't talked to in a while. And also, if you pray, if you could please, say a prayer for Jim.


Out of a Dark and dreary Day, attacks and stabs did Rain,
Beat and hurt, Wounded bad, my Voice sang a Sad refrain.
God where I knew not When, nor How to get there Soon,
Just hope and Me, in deep debris, my Eyes stared at the Moon.

On keyboard Pads and lightened Screens, paths Tangled inbetween,
Computers hummed and speakers Blared, daunting voices Screamed.
Electric lights and condensors Squeezed, the words Danced in Glassy Reams,
Hopes and fears of Real live Life, spiraled round, the Written Dreams.

Ships of Songs, in Addresses long, and Dot coms of this, and that,
Rang Bells of clanging, ding dong Chimes, and Windows of Hearts, that Wept.
To myself with Letters, clicked in type, that Strung in chains, like Tunes,
Dirges mired, in Ageold tales, and Rainbows, ran Round the Silver Spoons.

"I don't know", in Thought I said, as Software, loaded long,
"I don't know, if there is for Me, any such, Electronic Song."
But Here, at Once, a Name Appeared! Bulletin from out the Blue,
"Stay, See, let me show You round, and Talk to me of Truth!"

From Whence, come, this Lovely Sound, this Invite, to glints of Day,
I was just leaving here, as Notes of Cheer, Rang Bells in Her Special Way.
"Okay, I'll Stay and See you near, Talk and maybe try to Be,
The Self I once Was, in better times, when I Was, a better me."

Keyboards Blazed with Flaming Fires of Thoughts, and Meanings flew,
She bowled me over with Hopeful Love, and unflinching, Spoke the Truth.
What forms the rapid clicking Keys, What unselfish Gifts abound,
In this Heart, this Human girl, in All this hardware, I Think I've Found?

Months and months of Talk and talk, of Emails and Comments too,
Like Solar systems and Cosmic realms, of electrons, dripping Dew.
On Earths of screens, and blinking Lights, Stars raced, round the Room,
Emails sped and Servers fled, the raging Torrents Gently crooned.

Oh, how these Times began, between Us and I found my tune so True,
How words Spoke as when I was Young, before the bullets flew.
She brought Me glee and filled My files, She lifted my Spirits high,
But Real She was, so I could Feel, her Words canceled the Ageold lies.

How Real her Life, I Feel her So, thru glass and metal frames,
I thank Her, always, for Being so, it ain't easy, to ride these Trains.
And She knows, the Journey in her Heart, She Suffers, as We do,
She Stands, and doesn't run away, takes breaks, and gets back to You.

The Whistles blow, the Rails Ring hard, the Sounds are Signs she Sees,
"Stay, See, Talk to me," She invites us quick, to come into Her Rooms.
And when we enter into those Depths, our Realness we quickly meet,
She cuts you slack, because She Knows, Forgiveness, is her Treat.

Love Life, in spite of it, let Life, Love you back,
Stand your Ground, no matter, how hard it gets to Be,
Remember long, as Long we can, Be in touch, and let Us see,
"Stay, See," and Talk with Her, may She always Talk to me.

~Jim C.


NinRose said...

Is Jim someone you have only known online? How long have you known him? I gather from the poem that you touched his life in a very special way. For whatever reason he had to move on, you made a difference. If he was homeless, where did he have access to a computer? Is it possible that you haven't heard from him because he no longer has access to a computer?
How old is he? Sorry for all the questions.

Siegfried said...

Life is like that. Love is like that.
We must learn to let go. Let go!

Celsius said...

I miss my girlfriend.

Sophia said...

Hi NinRose,

Yes. Jim and I met on October 17, 2005 when I responded via email to something he had written in a spiritual forum. The number of emails we have written together total in the thousands. Most of the people I know I only know online. Although Jim and I have talked on the telephone and also through Skype - he would talk to me using his video camera.

He lived in someone's garage and in that garage he had a computer with Internet access. At first just dial-up and then last year he got high-speed Internet. He slept on an old couch. As long as he had coffee he was happy. He never once complained about not having any money or about his living conditions. He was an artist and made a lot of drawings and paintings on canvas.

I think things started happening to him. Too much interaction with angels, I think he became confused. The last month or so that he was online it seemed like he was struggling mentally. After he disappeared, I called him. Normally he was always glad to hear from me, but this time when I called it was like he wasn't even there. I don't even know if he recognized me. In October I sent him a birthday card with a letter telling him everyone is looking for him and misses him, and I pleaded with him to contact us, but he never wrote back.

He's 62 years old.

Sophia said...

Hi Siegfried,

I go through occasional phases where I start missing him again, but I know what you mean.

In any case, I've been blessed to have had the opportunity to know him. He touched my life in a most beautiful way. :) He really thought a lot about you, too.

Sophia said...