I'm just trying to find my balance again, so I'm sorry for any weird behavior from me. Today, for instance, in order to pull myself out of the fatigue of depression, I kinda OD'ed on caffeine. That can do all kinds of things even to the most sane and stable person.
I also felt extremely overwhelmed because a good friend of mine was starting to get upset with me for not spending all my free time with them. Thus the whole reason for the "No one owns me" comment. I don't want anyone to have expectations of me. I hope someday I can become strong enough to give everyone what they want or need, or to at least have the ability to make people happy.
If you've been reading my blog for some time you know by now I'm not the most sane person in the world, but I think I'm unpredictable and maybe that's a good thing?
I'm still looking for the door with the sign that says, "Home Sweet Home".
8 comments:
Hi Sophie, first time I'm reading your blog and I would just like to comment on the 'making people happy' bit. You can't make people happy, you can't even make yourself happy, you can only do things that please others and yourself. Happiness is a choice, when you wake up in the morning you choose to be happy, or not. Seems too simple, but it can be, us humans tend to over complicate life.
Sophia,
If you're not the most sane person in the world, you're not alone. A little craziness keeps the world interesting.
Your "friend" needs all of your time or their offended? You're not the private battery charger for such a narrowly focused individual. A good friend would know that. Nor will you ever be able to give everyone what they want or need. You simply aren't made that way and you never will be. That being said relationships come with expectations. Thats what makes them relationships. You just shouldn't think you have to be the be all to end all for everyones needs and desires.
for me....
when someone first pointed out to me that yes there is energy
and yes it is the energy the runs my life
it was a great breakthough
there are laws behind it
why it is there sometimes
why it withdraws
to me this is what it means to be a seeker....and a finder anyhow
to seek and find the energy inside
is very exciting
Hi Brynn,
Thank you for visiting this blog and leaving a comment.
I've been called a "people pleaser" a few times in my life, and I never knew if it was a compliment or an insult. All I know is that it made me feel good to know that someone else felt good.
I think one of the nicer feelings I've had is smiling at strangers on the street, just to see if I could get them to smile in return.
Hi Don,
Thanks. :)
I must confess, the people I am drawn to would probably exist outside most people's idea of what "normal" is.
Hi DD,
I just know what it feels like to be lonely because you think there is no one in the world that understands you. And when you think you've found someone that does, you want to spend all your time with them, and I think that is how my friend felt about me. It just starts to become overwhelming when I can't meet their needs and they let me know that.
I don't like to see anyone feeling hurt, but it's even worse when I think I'm the cause of it.
Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Anonymous,
I have noticed a relationship between my levels of energy and my feelings of being connected to God. The higher the energy, the more connected I feel. The lower, I feel disconnected. I know that the appearance of disconnection is only an illusion, but my body doesn't seem to know that.
Thanks for your comment. Certainly I would like to try to find out what these laws are behind the coming and going of this energy.
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