Tuesday, April 10, 2007

More Doubts

This is a pitfall. I can't get out of my head that emotionally I'm "still a child". When it was said Friday I put it out of my mind. Today, though, it hits me like a load of bricks. Who wants to deal with a child? Who wants to babysit? Am I only spiritual because I'm still a child? This is causing me doubts. Am I trying to keep from living in the real world? Am I spiritual only because I'm escaping? Am I delusional?

24 comments:

Mark said...

Doubts are natural, especially when a person of athourity such as your therapist plants the doubt. I assure you that you do live in the real world, you make your world real. You are on a spiritual path, which seems foriegn to the masses. You are a seeker, not and escapee.
Trust in yourself. The answers are within. Remember the darkest hour (doubt) is right before the dawn (awareness). Even spiritual masters have doubt. Look at Jesus as an example. In the story of his pending death, he struggled with himself the night before, he displayed doubt and the next day he expressed and experience an awareness. It is okay to doubt yourself, this is part of the process. Trust in yourself. Be true to you and not to the "real world", whatever that really means.
Love and blessings to you.

Sophia said...

Thank you so much for this encouragement, Mark. I really needed it, more than you can know. Sometimes all it takes is a loving nudge from the right person and my doubts are shattered like glass. Thank you again. I will continue moving forward, and I will think of these moments as simply obsticles on the path, a simple tree root that I almost tripped over, but luckily picked myself up, thanks to a friend like you who reached my way to help keep me from falling. :)

Anonymous said...

Is this a koan? Pass!

Anonymous said...

Ok. Unless you are childish, you cannot be childlike.

Anonymous said...

Which Jesus told you you are delusional? Let him throw the first stone.

Sophia said...

It is not a koan, unless we want to make of it a koan. I guess because there's really nothing for me to do, except to continue being. It seems too difficult for me to change who I am, so I will just be who I am, or even better, I'll just be. :)

Anonymous said...

Never mind. ;>)

Sophia said...

It wasn't so much that someone said I was delusional as implied it, perhaps.

The person who made me feel delusional of course did not intend for me to feel that way, but in a round about way his implication made me feel doubtful. Let's just say that he called me "Spacey".

Anonymous said...

That's worse!

Sophia said...

It sure feels like it sometimes.

I know that in order to keep from being called spacey I should keep my thoughts to myself but it's so hard to do when the person who calls you spacey is your own husband! I love him very much but sometimes I wish he could see things my way.

It would make my day if all of a sudden he decided to come meditate with me. I'd probably have a heart attack if he did, because I wouldn't believe it!

Anonymous said...

Let your husband be. He's too ... for that.
Believe it or not, he's just jealous. ;>0

Sophia said...

That thought has crossed my mind. I suppose it's because I'm spending so much time meditating searching and re-searching, instead of spending that time with him. It could be worse - I could be out at the bars or something.

Overall I'd say he's supportive, really. I just wish he could join me.

Anonymous said...

Yes, that's worse than bloghopping.
Maybe it's not too late.
Don't concentrate too much. It can lead to hypertension.
Just be aware, that's all.

Sophia said...

That's what I'm striving for - to be more aware. I am relying on several factors to reach this awareness:

1. My own desire and practice
2. The guiding light of others
3. That what is meant to be will be

Are you a student of awareness?

Anonymous said...

Yes, but I am very lazy. I tend to be very passive. I guess most mystics are.

Anonymous said...

Maybe I am mediumistic. But don't be afraid. I am a medium of my ideas. My thoughts tell me how to live. I am my thoughts. But I am not afraid. It's just me. Nothing else.

Sophia said...

We're in the same boat, then. I'm very lazy, too. I want all the answers given to me. I want someone to sit me down and say, "Listen, Sophia, this is how it is........"

Sophia said...

I just typed out that I have no fear, but then I had to erase it because I remembered that I do have fear. :(

You, anonymous spirit, who are you and where are you? Do you want to tell me? In the spiritual realm, it matters little, because I'm sure we already know each other.

Anonymous said...

How does fear feel? Can you feel it? Don't try to control it. It will control you. Just let it be. And you will be all right.
Is it like butterflies in your stomach? Maybe it's just exitement. Or phobia. You can treat phobia. You can do it yourself.

Sophia said...

It's probably more a phobia. I've kept my fear at bay by simply not doing what my fear keeps me from doing. Maybe I should just experience it as part of the experience.

Anonymous said...

Just be brave. That's all. Be positive. Don't say I will not be afraid. Just say I will be brave.

Anonymous said...

It's time for supper.

Sophia said...

Very good. Focusing on the positive as opposed to the negative.

I will be brave. :)

Sophia said...

Enjoy your dinner. I just had lunch myself - vegetables, and they were good. Thanks for the chat. Come back and see me.

You're a kindred spirit.