Friday, August 1, 2008

More on Life the Past Few Days

As a self-confessed computer / Internet addict, it was difficult for me to make it five days without Internet access. There was a pay-by-half-hour computer available to me in the "trading post" just a short walk away from the lodge, but I was unable to go due to orders from the husband. I could grumble and moan about that but I won't. Well, maybe I just did. It's fairly evident that I've gone into withdrawal just by looking to see how many posts I've made in the past 24 hours.

The train ride to and from Glacier National Park was tiresome. The first six or seven hours weren't so terribly awful, but the full 58 hours took its toll on me and I grew weary of my confinement to a tiny room. I enjoyed the park itself immensely, but I do not think I'll be riding on a train again. For that matter, I don't expect I'll be vacationing again any time soon.

Aside from my complaints, I did a lot of people watching, especially on the train ride to my destination. I may have been nosy but my constant curiosity kept me looking around to see what people were doing to entertain themselves. I only peeked into a few private rooms when the curtains were open, but for the most part I watched people on coach as I walked to and from the sleeper cars and dining car. Most people were reading, and I tried to see what the names of some of the books were. Some kids and teenagers were playing with handheld video game devices. There were people watching movies on laptops. One man was busy using fingernails on one hand to clean underneath the fingernails on the other hand. Others were sound asleep, one in particular wore a sleeping mask. There was a young man across from our room who had just turned 21. I secretly could sense he was excited about this, because he asked us if we were going to the wine-tasting event. When we said that we were, he joyously exclaimed, "Well then, I'll see you there!" A few days later at the lodge he was in the bar with his father and he came over to talk to us. He was very friendly. I knew he was proud to be in the bar.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner were interesting. In spite of my social anxiety I found it entertaining to listen to the people at my table talk. We had to share a booth with two other people every meal. There was a man named "Bud" with long white hair, who had a wife with very long hair back in a braided ponytail. Sometimes I imagine men with long white hair are spiritual, but not Bud. He was a hunter who said he "liked to hunt pigs" and was a retired P.E. teacher. He said he physically died twice because of his liver problems (He had a transplant). I asked him about his death experiences and what it was like on the other side. He told me there is no other side. "There's nothing there." I found that to be quite disappointing. I sat directly across from his wife. She was a statistician just like me. Imagine my surprise when I found out about that during my first meal on the train. Two female statisticians with long hair sitting across from each other. What are the odds of that? Anyway, I don't think I'm going to let his disheartening death testimonial discourage me from my spiritual journey. After all, I know someone that lives in Canada who had died and come back and he's told me there really is something there.

There were a few people I wish I could have stayed in touch with, including, surprisingly, this very grouchy older silent man (late sixties, perhaps). I don't know what it was about him but I wish I could have had the chance to get to know him. Maybe I imagined I could warm his heart or offer my friendship if he felt lonely. His wife was very friendly and we spoke often, even though her husband refused to say a word to me and even went so far as to push me out of his way with his suitcase. I don't think I've ever seen a more grumpy man, and I spent most of my vacation at the two lodges and on tours with him and his wife. I won't be upset about him, though, because it seemed he wasn't nice to anyone, including his wife. Aside from all this, we did exchange email addresses with a man named Josh who appears to be about my age. I invited him over to stay at our house any time he was in the area. He's definitely a kindred spirit and knows about the magic that can occur between two people during musical improvisation in duets.

On the trip I spent a lot of time in contemplation. I know that one of the goals of enlightenment is to not think so much, but I'm not at that stage yet, apparently. I am tangled up into too many human emotions and I'm going to try to get rid of them. It's all ego, after all. The only person who has confused me is myself, I just wanted to blame someone else for it. Yes I feel guilty and yes I'm ashamed but the only thing I can do is move on and start over. Remember that passage from the _Lover's Discourses_ that I posted a week or so ago, about being like a daruma doll trying to get its balance back? Anyway, I think the messages from the Baba were just what I needed to set me straight.

"Remember that the first step in spirituality is not to speak ill of others. All human beings have weaknesses and faults. Yet they are all God in their being. Until they become Realized, they have their imperfections. Therefore, before trying to find faults in others and speaking ill of them, try to find your own weaknesses and correct those."

"The spinning of the yarn of Karmic debts and dues would be endless if there had been no provision for getting out of the Karmic entanglements through the help of the Master. He can not only initiate the aspirant into the supreme art of unbinding Karma, but can become directly instrumental in freeing him from his Karmic entanglements. *The Master has attained unity with God, Whose cosmic and universal life includes all persons. Being one with all life, he can become, in his representative capacity for the sake of the aspirant, the medium for the clearing up of all debts and dues which have come into existence through the aspirant's dealings with countless persons contacted in his incarnations.* If a person must get bound to someone, it is best for him to get bound to God or the Master, because this tie ultimately facilitates emancipation from all other Karmic ties.

When the good Karma of past lives has secured for the aspirant the benefit of having a Master, the best thing that he can do is to surrender himself to the Master and to serve him. Through surrenderance the aspirant throws the burden of his Karma on the Master who has to think out ways and means of freeing him from it. Through serving the Master he wins an opportunity to get clear of his Karmic entanglements. The relation between the Master and the disciple is often carried on from one life to another for several reincarnations. Those who have been connected with the Master in past lives are drawn to him by an unconscious magnetism, not knowing why they are thus drawn. There is usually a long history to the apparently unaccountable devotion which the disciple feels for his Master. The disciple is often beginning where he had left off in the last incarnation." ~Meher Baba, DISCOURSES, Vol. III, pp. 93-94


Bob said...

To have a true Master is a great blessing.

Sophia said...

Hi Bob,

I agree. Lots of people keep telling me, "You don't need a teacher; you can do this on your own." But I know from personal experience and years of wasted time that I can't do it alone.

It's not that I'm in a hurry or anything, but I'd like to make some spiritual accomplishments before I die in this lifetime.

jim said...

I enjoyed reading about the trip, thanks for the details and what a journey!

I haven't been on a train since 1966, took a day and a half to make an 8 hour drive. But it was different. New Orleans to Memphis, Tennessee.

Great fun meeting and dealing with folks, lots of challenges and treats in that.

You sound revived Sophia, hope you relax now all renewed, Love and Peace to you and yours.

Sophia said...

Were you on an Amtrak train? I don't know much about passenger train history. My dad worked for the railroad and I learned a small bit about freight trains, even got to drive one for a minute when I was a young girl.

I am revived, Jim. But I think it's being home again that revives me. :)

When are you leaving and will you have Internet access?

jim said...

No amtrak in those days, don't remember what it was, big ol' train thing. I remember messin around in and out of the stations more than the train itself.

Yeah, it is good to be home.

I am leaving early monday morning supposedly, maybe on the internet, maybe just a bit, maybe more, maybe none. Won't know til I get there. It is the steel shed that I am going to, Maybe have some young models there, maybe not. Don't know how long I need to be there, that too is unknown until I get there. I'm a bit hazy, huh?

Sophia said...

Are you going to paint or draw the models? Male or female?

When you say you don't know how long you're going to be there, do you mean that you won't leave until you feel like you've been there long enough or is it up to someone else?

jim said...

This location I am going to is usually devoid of males, other than me. Lots of females of all ages, most very easy to make into models, but not nude, clothed only.

I am packing tomorrow, watercolors and brushes, paper, pencils and charcoal for drawing.

I have to stay as long as I can, up to a week or more, but all depends on circumstances as they unfold there, many personal things involved, but also this work with the angels/Spirit can move me.

I hae been drawing a lot here, I have done no painting at all, so I may get a start there with the watercolors, I hope. I will also be buying some school clothes for some young ladies who have to go back to school end of this month, so we will walk and shop some and that will be different and fun.

Sophia said...

So, have you turned into a Sugar Daddy? :)

jim said...

Well, Sophia my love, I am sweet, but, I am no ones daddy, lol!

Sophia said...

Have fun painting.

Maybe I'll be inspired to return to my fractals. I'm just waiting for the creative flow to go through me again.

jim said...

Sophia, after reading about all that stuff you got going on, I wouldn't be in hurry to return to fractals out of worry you are neglecting them, I think, as in my painting, when we are ready, we go back to it, trying to force it causes problems, but you have to decide for yourself what is what with that. Artists often have to gestate for inspiration and the will to work art.

Sophia said...

I just keep having these oscillating flows move through me. Sometimes I feel like listening to music, then months go by where I don't want to hear it. Then I go through my creative phase but after a month or so it disappears, only to return again some months later. The same goes for reading, or really any type of interest for that matter. To make a long story short, all my life I've been known to other people as being one who "goes through phases". Most people, it seems, are fairly steady and stable, certain about who they are and what they want out of life. I wonder if my phases are just my attempts to find myself. Everyone seems to have this figured out by the time they're 20, and here I'm 30 and still taking desperate means to figure everything out. You seem like you're satisfied with the answers, about who you are. How long did it take you to get to this point?

jim said...

It has been gradual and still ain't done, Sophia.

I have never been as others in general or normalcy, I drop on thing and go headlong into another, I have that is thruout my life, I don't now relative to the Spiritual subject in a way, but I still do it regarding other things, like music, art, working, socializing, and the like. In the Spiritual stuff, I am very constant, but there are times when I have had to wonder if I was neglecting it, maybe for weeks or a month, nothing, then, headlong into it again. Now tho there is a concentrated effort on my part to define something I consider important to me and to humanity from my point of view, maybe it is, maybe it isn't, doesn't matter, it is worth doing like I am doing it. But this is a new phase that grew out of all the many stops and starts in the past, like you just described yourself. You are young yet, and somepeople find their self easy and quick and simply, nothing wrong with that, but neither is there anything wrong with how you are or how I have been, we each have our ways and struggles, there should be no comparison made between us, we are all human and that is enough, so stop comparing yourself, maybe?

I did, I quite drawing comparisons about myself relative to others because I realized that comparative thinking is not justified when we are talking about life and human people, it lowers them to be done that way, so I think maybe.

Sophia said...

I just see women my age who are so together, raising children and families. Maybe all that is a red herring.

jim said...

Quit comparing, some do that some do not, makes no difference, to each their own.

Love yourself.