Saturday, July 3, 2010

Winding Down

thanks to everyone who stuck by me
during the emotional tornado
in which i experienced so many
various emotions and attitudes
that i hardly knew
where my center was
or even what day of the week it was

it's coming to a close finally
and the electrical zaps
that i felt in my head
are finally slowing down

i sent out some mixed signals
and messages
that i need to clear up

the main point is that
i just shouldn't meet people
when i'm in that state

i'm too selfish
to be a good friend to anyone
though i thank those
who are brave enough
and willing enough to try

i'm especially thankful
to those who see me
at my worst
and still love me

i'm sorry for getting
out of line

by the way
there is another
light of sophia
who is some kind of
sexual tantric practioner
who charges for her services -
that is NOT me!
i need to change
the pseudonym
and email address
i've used
for three years
so people don't mistake
me for her
her for me


m said...

Another light of Sophia?

That is just a little to close for co-incidence. It must be one of your alter egos. :)

I am glad that you are writing regardless of your condition.

Your not going to believe this word verification. "ace pherv"

Sophia said...

it surely isn't -
her website has photos
and she's clearly not me
-otherwise i'd be a little

i think bipolar people
must surely get accused
often of having multiple
personality disorder, or
dissociative personality
disorder because we have
so many different moods
when we are not stable.
but luckily i have no
blackouts or spaces
of time i do not
remember, so i'm no

your word verification
is funny
-i think it would be
very fitting for the
other light of sophia

Don said...

In my humble (worthless?) opinion, bipolar means one has an overactive or underactive brain which needs to be moderated in some fashion. Bipolar is a nice bin in which to toss a lot of different maladies. But boy, does the term scare the hell out of people. You'd think we're living in the Dark Ages.

Sophia said...

your opinion
= not worthless

that is in fact
a very good way
to describe
what bipolar is

most months of the year
my brain is underactive
sleepy, tired, fatigued, bored
but lately it is awake
and very overactive

i dont know when things
will be moderated
since i'm making so many
changes to my regimen
-it could be weeks
or even months

you are right -
"bipolar" scares people
-i remember when i
once thought bipolar
people were strange
-now look at me

Don said...

I have the bad habit of denigrating what I write. Need to get over it.

I think that people who show the high side have very active brains that just can't function at that level; the sheer volume of thoughts leads to confused thinking. Thus it really is a disease that medication is needed for. But also, even the medication cannot guarantee 100% perfect behavior. You push a bipolar person long and hard enough and s/he is subject to breakdown just as anyone else is despite being medicated.

Guru Kurt said...

From my perspective, I'd wonder if you had no mental illness at all, but just an unusually profound soul which can find no context for understanding itself or applying its powers.

Sophia said...

guru kurt
-thanks for that
very beautiful sentiment.

it makes my heart flutter
-i wonder if it's true
or if i only want it
to be true
-were that so i guess
i suffer from wishful
-but that response of
yours surely explains
why i feel so often
and so much that
i don't quite fit
in around here.
-"we're not in kansas
anymore, toto".

i feel like
giving you a big hug
but then i remember
your philosophy
of "no touching"

Don said...

If it's true for you, Sophia, I would hope that it's true for me, too.

Guru Kurt said...

The soul-mates can touch, but this should always remain a secondary aspect to the relationship. The primary aspect is the heart-model, in which you form vaulting ideas about the personality. The longing for physical intimacy is only overpowering if you cannot behold the aura or the emotional states of others. If you have a powerful soul and can respond in this higher dimension, you are already overwhelmed with intimate forms of knowledge about their character, just upon meeting them and talking with them, and you experience the dark sense of touch as interfering with this far more profound process.

My idea is that potential soul-mates should not touch at all in the first year of courtship, and only engage in mild touching behaviors during the second year, holding hands or giving pecks on the cheek. To a powerful soul this would seem like a light demand and only logical, and many couples might extend this period because the months during which the heart-model is formed can be the most passionate and evocative, the sweetest and most endearing. It takes at least a year to form a sound heart-model for the soul-mates, but if they are truly soul-mates this first year of no-touching will be explosive for them, as they enter many ecstatic states with respect to one another’s personal presence, in which the body is an almost negligible factor. This is apparently beyond the humans.