Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Christmas to All

My sister, Santa and me
Me and Sis

Sis and me

Me and sis

Me and sis

Sis and me

Here it is, 8:20pm on Christmas Eve, and I'm finally getting around to wishing you all a Merry Christmas. I'm done wrapping presents and I'm contentedly sitting here at my computer desk with a purring Pollyanna sitting upon my lap, looking up at me and staring. She was my Christmas gift to myself, and boy is she affectionate! I have to be careful; already my favorite, Peachy, is mad at me and avoids me now. She's walked in twice to sit on my lap and has caught a new cat in her place. I've made efforts to push the new cat off my lap when this happens, so that Peachy knows she's still number One, but she is just ignoring me the past few days. I hope she gets over this. If there is anyone who believes that animals have no feelings, let them witness this little adventure and may they change their ways!

I was just telling a friend in email about how we spent Christmas as children, my sister and I. We'd put Mom's homemade cookies on a plate, along with a tall glass of milk and some carrots. The cookies and milk of course were for Santa, but the carrots were for the reindeer. Christmas morning, we'd run to the plate to joyfully find only crumbs and a sip of milk left. Some Christmases in the early morning, as we still lay sleeping in our beds, we'd hear Santa let out a booming "Ho, Ho, Ho!" that signaled his departure from our house. That meant it was time to get up and run to the tree to cheerfully open presents. Santa usually brought us everything we asked for - me, a castle for my He-Man toys, a bike and figurines, my sister, a dollhouse and pretty pink dresses. I can't think of anything that I didn't get that I wanted, so I feel satisfied that Christmas was everything it should have been to me as a child. My parents did a wonderful job of seeing to that, even though Mom didn't work, and Dad worked at the railroad. We weren't rich by any means. It amazes me to this day that they got us everything we told Santa about.
These were the Christmases that I used to look forward to. Granted, Christmas back then was all about getting presents. As an adult of almost 30, Christmas means more to me than just presents, although it is still a lot of fun to receive presents, as well as give. It's about spending time with family. (It was about that as a kid, only back then, it was "I can't wait for Grandma and Grandpa to leave so I can play with my toys.")
Sadly, Christmas is not as much fun to me now as it was back then. There's just too much to do: Christmas cards, shopping in madhouses, wrapping presents, etc. Then there is the "package deal", which is where along with family that I enjoy spending time with, I also have to spend time with people that are part of the deal, i.e. people that visit that I don't really care to see. Basically, it's also being around people I don't want to be around. Also, this year a depressive episode came right at Christmas time, which kept me from obtaining that feel-good Christmas feeling, where listening to Christmas music gives that warm cozy feeling. I didn't get that this year. To me, Christmas is just going to be another day, when I will patiently wait to come home to go to sleep so that I can go to work tomorrow. I'm not trying to be a grinch or a scrooge, it's just that as the years have progressed, and especially this year, Christmas just doesn't mean much to me. I didn't put up a single decoration this year, not even the small bookshelf tree that we usually put up. Some things this holiday season have brought me down a bit, so I won't get to have a real true fun Christmas. Oh well, boo-hoo.
Well, instead of whining and complaining, I do want to take time out tonight, on Christmas Eve, to say that I'm thankful for all the visits and comments you guys have given me since February on this blog. A lot of you have been here since the beginning, and I'm not just talking about the beginning of this blog, but the beginning of a blog I had way back in 2004. That means I've been talking to some of you for more than three years! (I need to get back in touch with Charlie, who is an "online friend" that I've had since 2000 when I was in college.) This blog is very much a part of my identity. I think of all of you as friends. That's one gift that keeps on giving.
I would name each and every one of my visitors, like I did a few posts ago, but I realized that I forgot to name Lucid, who is someone that's been visiting since this blog's inception. I'm not going to take any risks this time, so I will not name you all, just know that I love you all.
Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope your day is bright, joyful, loving, fulfilling and just plain fun.

13 comments:

jim said...

Now See, I wish I could write like that! Talk about heart!

Didn't I love to see those pics, a real treat, and to hear the stories and imagine the times! Yes I did!

Lol, and I know about those 'extra visitors' who sneak up on you at those times, alas, such is the world! Take care Sophia, enjoy tomorrow, and keep the Spirit even when you go back to work. See ya!

Siegfried said...

I can't resist babyfaces! Merry Christmas!
Keep moving on. Be attractive by being happy. Work on yourself, not on others. If people don't like or love you, they are missing a lot in life.
You are a superstar.
You are irresistible.

goatman said...

We know who we are! You seem to have had a nice time anyways over christmas. The future is to be had.
Best to ye.

Anonymous said...

I wonder about a lot of things too like how some families are really close and some have not spoken for years for no apparent reason. How does that happen?? I remember a time in my cousin's driveway when she was teaching me how to twirl a flag. Hmmm...

tobeme said...

Hope that you had a wonderful holiday!
Love your story!

Sophia said...

Thanks, Jim.

This Christmas wasn't very special. I ended up getting into an argument with my grandmother. It's a long story, but it happens often; she insults my intelligence. She, who used to live in the projects and never went to college. I don't even think she graduated from high school. It was probably the worst argument I've had with her ever. Oh well, she's not even related to me by blood. She's just an adoptive grandparent. I only see her two times a year or so because I avoid her. She insults everyone. She used to make my mother cry. My dad has some stories about her, too. I'm going into too many details, but let's just say I am not crazy about her and she ruined my Christmas this year. It was just a fight over me leaving my keys in my car with the door unlocked. She said I didn't use my brain, which she has said to me before. I got angry and let her have it by yelling at her. I said, "Grandma, I made straight As in college and my IQ is so high you have no idea. Did you go to college?"

I think Spirit has left me, if there was ever any here to begin with. This human drama plays on like it did before, and it alawys ends up dragging me back into it no matter how hard I try to climb out of it.

Anyway, sorry to complain. I'm glad you enjoyed the pictures.

Sophia said...

Siegfried, apparently I still have something like a babyface. I am almost 30 and a waiter carded me for alcohol yesterday at a restaurant. All I wanted was a Cosmopolitan martini. I blushed, though, because I felt quite complimented by it.

Thanks for the empowering words. Hearing positive things like that is nice.

I hope you had a nice Christmas, and that your New Year's Eve celebration is full of fun.

Sophia said...

Hi Goatman,

Thanks, I hope you had a nice Christmas, too. Mine would have been splendid if not for an evil grandmother. I think it's the first time I've ever cried on Christmas. Well, there's always next Christmas. Maybe things will be different then. I have a New Year's evening to look forward to, now, and luckily it is going to be spent right here at home. I'm going to drink Frambois Lambic until I'm green. Then I'll probably stay in bed all day the next day.

Has the snow melted yet?

Sophia said...

Anonymous, you've just written the story of my life. I used to have family beyond my mother, father and sister. Now it's been more than ten years since I've talked to them. We are all estranged from one another.

Flags? Maybe you're my cousin. I was a flag girl in high school.

Sophia said...

Tobeme,

Thanks! Wishing you a joy-filled New Year's celebration. May we all have plenty more!

Anonymous said...

I guess I remember that more than you do. If I remember right that was the last time we saw each other until a few years ago at the bowling alley and that was just a hi how ya doin. If you remember that. I am jealous when my friends talk about going to their family reunion. Wouldn't that be a joke with our family?(at least our mother's side, I don't know about your dad's family but apparently it's the same from what you said). I don't get how it happened???

Sophia said...

Anonymous, are you J. or S.?

I can't believe you found my blog. How did you find me? Actually I'm a little shocked, since I don't use my real name. I thought I'd be impossible to find. It's pleasant, though, seeing you write here, because we all grew apart and I thought everyone just forget about me. I grew apart from Grandma and Grandpa because it seemed like they just stopped caring. They never came to visit me. They didn't even go to my high school graduation in 1996. So eventually I gave up. Sometimes I look at the quilts Grandma made me, or the ball caps Grandpa gave me, and I feel sad. It also happened with Gran. Now she's gone. I didn't even go to her funeral because it had been about 10 years since we talked. Seeing her handmade pillows and pot-holders sometimes breaks my heart. I found an envelope with her handwriting on it behind some furniture that we moved this week. It caused me to momentarily go back and remember the good times, like with Paps. But she couldn't handle Sis and I when we were younger. That's probably why we grew apart.

Now I'm afraid to see people from my past because I put on some weight from the medications I take. I didn't go to my 10-year high school reunion in October of 2006. I guess I'm ashamed.

I know what you mean. I, too, get really envious of other families that are close. Seeing their reunion t-shirts makes me sad that our family wasn't like that. My dad's side actually had a couple reunions, but I don't hardly know any of them since we're not really related. (I didn't know if you knew or not, but my dad was adopted.)

Well, it was nice hearing from you. Let's not be strangers. It's never too late to reunite.

Sophia said...

Anonymous,

P.S.

I remember now, at the bowling alley. Yes, I do remember that. I think I was with D. and you were with your boyfriend.