Thursday, December 6, 2007

I Didn't Mean It...

Sometimes I say things that I regret immediately after having said them. This has been happening a lot lately. It has to do with how irrational a person can be, and how much of a habit it has become to speak before thinking. Of course, what one's mood is in the moment this has occurred has a lot to do with it, but that is not an excuse.

Why do we hurt those that are closest to us? Is it fear of being so much alike that we'll lose our identity unless we leave a little bit of distance between us? Certainly most of us are not emotionally sadistic, but yet it happens. Some tiny part of us, inside, is like a little devil that says and does things that stings our allies, and we do this because? Because we want attention? Because we want revenge? Because we feel we have been wronged and must put-up a fight? Because we fear we'll lose our possession of them?

We call ourselves "spiritual" and yet we continue to do this?

We better not completely rid ourselves of thoughts, else we'll be shooting verbal arrows at each other in impromptu speech.

And that is my thought for today. (More like, one of them....)

Goodnight.

16 comments:

jim said...

Well, Sophia, that is one helluva great post! Super points and questions, really gives pause to think and wonder!

Touches us all!

Good night to you, and good morning when you read this comment, my philosophy on this is you can simply apologize, forgive yourself as well, and go on, don't get stuck in the negative that one might have done, expect also to be forgiven.

My best to you, Sophia!

Mossy said...

Sounds familiar.

I think this is one of the reasons that I put my poor heart in a box a long time ago. Now I am trying to be more forgiving of my mistakes.

Sophia said...

Hi Jim,

I think apologizing works, but what happens when after some time, one makes the mistake again? Saying "I'm sorry" so many times makes the apology lose its meaning. "Sorry" just becomes a powerless word. When it comes to this, I think all we can do is just accept ourselves, given of course that the other party has accepted us. This does not give us free reign to continue to make these mistakes, though. It does, however, mean we can at least try to make improvements.

I had to bring this up. I think even those of us who pretend to be perfect have things in our lives we can work on. I even wonder about the secret life of Buddha. Even Jesus... if the apocrapha gospels are true, not even he led a perfect life.

Sophia said...

Mossy,

Forgiveness is important in these instances, just as you and Jim have said. Acceptance is, too.

Accepting ourselves doesn't necessarily mean we have nothing to improve upon. I think it makes it easier to accept ourselves, though, when we acknowledge that we do have flaws. Of course, part of the spiritual journey is finding these flaws and working on them.

Siegfried said...

I guess sometimes this is a good way to express your anger, by speaking your mind. And not worry about what people think. And not judging yourself afterwards and not feeling guilty for being direct and spontaneous. It could be therapeutic. A way to get rid of negative energy.
Better be angry than be depressed, aggressive, violent or suicidal.
Be selfish in order to be kind afterwards. Once the repressed anger is released.
Be kind to yourself as well. Forgive.

Siegfried said...

Have you ever wondered why many very nice, kind and unselfish people suffer from depression? Or at least feel miserable. And end up being resentful and full of hate.
Maybe I'm speaking Chinese.

Siegfried said...

Have you ever wondered why God wanted to destroy the whole universe because of the sin of one man called Adam?

Cookie said...

Force of habit, I guess. They do say that as the eyes open the mouth closes.

jim said...

Not to be too forward Sophia, but I would like you to see my latest post on R/R blog, just because you are you, pretty please?

Its' title is Treatise pt 12...thanks Sophia!

Kathy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kathy said...

I deleted my comment...didn't like the way it came out.

you said: "Sometimes I say things that I regret immediately after having said them"

yeah me too! (((Hugs)))

Sophia said...

Siegfried,

One of the ways that I release negative energy is by journaling. Blogging, for me, is journaling. I don't keep a handwritten diary or journal, though I have started a few.

You're not speaking Chinese. I've been resentful before and have at times hated the world, but mostly just when I was going through depression. But even when I'm not depressed I go through spells where I question the worthiness of the world to be loved, but this usually only occurs after having watched a few segments of bad news. During periods of time that I ignore the news, I love the world. I think one of the toughest things to do when becoming a spiritual person is to love the world even in bad times.

By the way, the world is still here. How has it been destroyed?

Sophia said...

Seigfried,

Synchronicity:

When I was responding to your "Adam" comment, a song named "Eden" came on the speakers.

Sophia said...

Cookie,

As much as I talk on my blog, it's no wonder my eyes are still shut!

Sophia said...

Jim love,

You weren't forward. I visited your blog several days ago but unfortunately did not have much time to comment. I apologize for my lack of blog visits lately. I've been quite negligent towards you and others by not spending as much time on your blogs these past couple of months. I'm definitely not as good of a friend to you as you are to me.

I will try to get to your blog more often, because I enjoy your writing and my heart is quite fond of you. I'm always curious about what's going on in the mind of Jim.

One of the things I like most about you is that you express yourself quite eloquently. You don't hide anything from me.

Sophia said...

Kathy,

I read your previous comment in my email and I didn't see anything wrong with it. :)

*Hugs* back at you and have a most splendid evening!