I can see inside of you.
I see through your skin.
Your elephant skin
Hides the tender flower,
A rare orchid.
I prune it,
But its leaves dry,
Turning brown, brown.
The once gentle flower
That swayed in the breeze,
Has decayed in the dirt.
But I saved a petal,
For posterity's sake.
(This is why I DON'T write poetry. I think the teenagers would say I "suck".)
Image copyright by S.W. (That's me!)
13 comments:
This is not as good.
Now can you see? You can write and you can descriminate between good and bad.
Here is a suggestion.
It is better if the poet does not refer directly to himself, but the poet could be the flower.
I am excited that you are writing again. Do not be afraid of failing. You have something excellent inside of you, and some other things too. Can you see that these two poems came from different parts of yourself?
Mossy is right, good advice, take it and try some more. You can call this one a good start, but don't stop here.
The fractal is lovely! And I very much was intrigued by the lines, "But I saved a petal, For posterity's sake."
It almost reminds of me something that it seems I should know, but don't for whatever reason.
I talked to the Moon tonight, though not as much as I would have in the past. Sometimes there just aren't enough words to adequately express things that are better left unspoken anyway.
With hope,
~ Christi
Mossy,
It's not as good because the other poem wasn't by me! ;) If you look beneath the other poem, you will see that it was written by a Sharon Alder. (Although I do wish that poem was mine!)
But thank you for your input. I can use all the help I can get!
Hi Jim,
His advice is good advice. Next time I will try being an object. Perhaps a leaf falling from a tree.
I think I should probably stick to haiku!
Christi,
Thank you! I'm glad you know it's a fractal. I've made literally hundreds of these things. I'll have to show you sometime. If you like them, you may find yourself wanting to make some, and I would be happy to show you how.
I have a catalog that I received yesterday that reminded me of you. I will save it for you and give it you soon. It's called "New Worlds (of Mind and Spirit)".
Speaking of the moon, did you see the lunar eclipse yesterday morning?
Hope you and your family are doing wonderfully!
Who listens to teenagers?
This is beautiful as is the image.
You are a natural.
I like yours much better than Ms. Alders.
Mossy is trying to help but I insist: there are no rules!
Goatman, all I know is that when I was a teenager, I don't remember very many people listening to me. :) Thanks for the very kind words, they'll inspire me to write more.
Yes Goatman you are right there are no rules, but I bet she would write a much better poem if she left out ME. For myself the main value of writing poems is to allow something other than the mind "ME" to exist.
Sophia,
Yes I thought that the first poem was yours. I still remember how much I enjoyed your poems from long ago. I saved a bunch of them but then I lost them.
Mossy,
Don't feel bad for losing them. I purposefully deleted most of my old poetry. And today I regret doing that. Some of the poetry was dark and moody. I could do without those now, but still, they were a part of me and my life, and I should have saved them as a reminder of that time.
I was able to find one of my favorites. This is very nice.
The bell rings in the tower
Announcing the death of love.
Wind, its strong gusts of breath,
Was more than it could bear.
Over the wall it tumbled,
Falling to a frozen ground.
Love tempted fate more than allowed;
In doing so has paid the final price.
Time, time, go back at once.
Wings, wings, spread and slow this fall.
Stop this feeling from coming to an end.
Keep the ground from rising so quickly.
Fly, fly, if you are able, away from here.
Save yourself from the bitter of cold.
Find warmth in a foreign land made of dreams,
And escape the waking from this paradise.
Goddess of Imagination create your world,
Before the crushing blow of the fall.
God of safety, sage of wisdom,
Stay in your garden of fantasy.
Outside the border lies the beast that will
Slay your fragile beating heart.
Mossy, thank you so much for returning my poem to me. I thought it was lost forever. I am glad to have it once more. If you have any others, please let me know! I'm still kicking myself for deleting my old blog and all my poems. :(
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