Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A Usual Day?

Today is another good day. I think this makes five days in a row. I was up at 11:30am. I did a little bit of housework, then watched some more episodes of "In Treatment".

I am a "thinking" person. I like intellectual stimulation, learning new things, working out problems and basically just always having something to play with in my mind. That's why I majored in mathematics in college, so I could figure things out, work problems and solve things. When I'm feeling well - like I have been the past few days - I do a little bit of housework here and there, as if I were a homemaker or housewife, and the housework is so simple, yet it seems to bring on a feeling of satisfaction, or coziness. There is something about housework that is gratifying.

Now, ask me how I feel about housework when I'm depressed. ;)

I've now watched five episodes of "In Treatment", and like I said earlier, it tends to satisfy some voyeuristic tendencies. It's like being a fly on the wall in this therapist's office. I will say that the patients' sessions are a lot more dramatic than mine normally are. The difference is, I go into my sessions and speak directly about my depression or anxiety, while these patients talk about problems they're having in life, or about life's dramas that they're involved in. Also, the patients are a lot more combative with the therapist at times, and I've not once been combative in all my years of therapy. Maybe it's because I just want to get along with everyone, or because confrontation makes me uncomfortable. I wonder if, in a normal world, therapy sessions are as dramatic as this show makes them out to be, or if patients get visibly annoyed with their therapist's questions or advice.

I don't know what I'm going to do when I've watched all 15 of the free episodes that Amazon offers. The show is currently on HBO but I know the show is at a more advanced episode, perhaps episode 30-something. There will be a total of 43 episodes, if what I read online is true. I don't want to just jump into the middle of the second season, because I'll end-up missing so much of the story line. I know it's an OCD habit, but I've always had to do everything in chronological order, and in completeness; I can't watch a movie sequel without having seen the first movie. This habit of mine drives some people nuts, but it's just the way it has to be. So, somehow I have to find these episodes online so that I can get caught-up with the show enough to continue watching them on HBO.

One of the reasons I don't watch television much is because it doesn't stimulate my mind enough. But after religiously watching the entire series of "Rome" a while ago, and now "In Treatment", I can see how easy it is to get all wrapped up in a television series.


goatman said...

Seems that I was always talking at my "talk therapist" ; at $75 an hour he would just as soon listen, I guess.
He perked up when I went into a story about soldier-death and father-remorse and how I thought it was a depressing story ,then he really came down with castigations for me not to develop the negative feelings "when this comes up find a positive aspect: the father honored his son with memories". I was impressed! (I am easily impressed)
But I doubt that TV drama could match real life dealings.
Continue up.

jim said...

As an Artist in a University, exhibiting typical strange deviant-seeming behaviour, I spent some months with a psychologist provided by the University, she was okay, but....

She was pregnant, and she was always behaving strangely, even deviantly, naturally, I had to tell her how she was suppose to be not so, but she gave me hell about how would I like to be pregnant and feeling the strains and pains, so I had to spend my sessions dealing with her problems, we finally got at each others throats, real bitchy both of us, and the psychology was all gone to hell. I took it all as some kind of nonesense, nowdays I could really enjoy myself a lot more and get some real undoing done.

jim said...

PS: Sophia you just keep enjoying your new business there at home, you needed this change and you need to indulge yourself and not sweat the time spent experimenting with all these programs and things, it is good for you I think.

Always great to hear from you Sophia.

Sophia said...

Hi Goatman,

Talk therapy would probably work wonders for me if I had better faith in it. I've always wondered how just talking about something could cure it. No doubt that it offers a bit of relief to talk about what's bothering us, but to me I just don't see a cure in that. I think of my psychologist as an expensive friend.

You were in the military? I don't know how old you are but I'm wondering if you were in Vietnam. My dad was there in the jungles. He was in artillery. But he won't speak about it. I think he has bad memories.

Sophia said...

Hi Jim,

Now I'm dying to know just what kind of strange deviant behavior you exhibited. :) I do think of artists as unique.

I wonder to myself why I spend my $15 copays for talk therapy when I have plenty of free talk therapy on these blogs. I don't think the health insurance company likes me too well.

What do you do, now, when you need someone to talk to?

jim said...

Sophia, in those days of my artistic personality, I wore a fringed leather jacket and hat with a feather in it. I was always working on paintings even when I was not in the studio, I would be in a trancelike state much of the time, thinking deeply about aspects of art and what I was working on, this caused many odd things to happen and get said when engaged in conversations. Stuff like that, nothing too extreme except views on matters like society, government, war, etc.

Who do I talk to, well mostly to angels, lol, very lengthy and detailed things often, technical Hebrew stuff or related bible stories. Then I have an acquaintance who likes to get into critical conversations on the state of affairs of the country and politics, so I get a lot of that each week. Then the lady here who owns the house, she is antiwar and I raised the son of hers who is in military and is about to return to Iraq, so we have lots of arguments about him and the war.

Mostly tho, angels. Talking on blogs is a relief most of the time, good therapy, like you say.

Sophia said...


I can easily imagine you wearing a hat with a feather in it. :)

I know about the trance-like state you speak of. I've been there before myself, back when I was creating fractal art. Except, I always called it "The Zone". It's probably a misnomer, because "The Zone" is where runners go.

You have good contact with the divine. It's probably nice to have the angels on your side.

jim said...

Sophia, I guess I am eccentric more than anything else, I can be perverse but rarely take the opportunity, I suprise myself when I do take it.

Eagle feather I think it was.

The Zone is good, good for cruising in some art vehicle or other, smooth sailing usually, lots of fun, we all need more of that kind of relaxation. Art is good therapy.

The Divine is there, I need more angels, but you get what you need I guess, so I am just wanting more, lol. If I had em, I would do more maybe?