Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Depression and Archetypes

Thank you, some of you have written wondering where I've been. I've been very neglectful where my friends are concerned, very neglectful. In all honesty I'm a very selfish person. On the Jung typology test I come-out 89% introverted, would you believe it? I am very much "in here", meaning I don't turn outward lately. In college I was an extrovert. I was popular in college, even despite the horrible times I had in elementary and high school. I was on the homecoming court in college my senior year. I remember wanting to cry because I never thought I'd be so liked. To know that a lot of people had voted for me on the ballots made me feel like the queen of the prom. It felt so... what's the word... redeeming? It was like I was being rewarded for all the punishment I had to endure. I'm not a martyr. I was just an outcast and never could relate with anyone. And now that I'm older I find it more difficult to cope with life, and I envy everyone else who seems to be able to cope just fine. How can they handle it?? Too many responsibilities, too much sensory input. It's all very overwhelming.

I'm very selfish right now. I mean, when I turn so inward I become very selfish.

The reason I haven't posted for a while and the reason I haven't written to all my friends, the friends that I cherish, is just because I'm having a little bit of down time right now. Whatever you do, don't feel sorry for me. Just take this as notice that I'm going through a dark depression right now and I will come out of it and be myself again, it's just going to take time. Please wait for me and be there when I come out of it. Don't run off and disappear out of my life, like one of my best friends did the first time this happened in 2004.

I feel like a crazy person right now.

I've been reading about Carl Jung and archetypes and I think I've been projecting. I mean, I think I've been projecting some of the archetypes onto other people. I don't really understand how this works so well, but does anyone know what I'm talking about? I hate to think that people that I thought were so important in my life were really just fragments of my imagination. Like so-and-so is so important because he's so fatherly like. Is he really like that or am I just projecting the father archetype onto him? Is it only part of my mind? Am I seeing part of myself in another person? Or the male archetype... what is it... the animus? Am I projecting the animus onto another person, and that is why I seem to get along so well with them?

It would seem that I am really quite alone, and everyone else are just perceptions of who I want them to be, as opposed to who they really are. Or are they who they really are? I don't know. For instance, do you see in me who I really am, or do you see in me someone you want me to be, or something that your own psyche is lacking?

19 comments:

Mossy said...

Hello Sophia,

It is nice to hear from you again. Sorry that you are not feeling so good right now. I hope that you feel better soon.

Everybody still likes you even with all of your faults. Most people have faults, and some much worse than yours, so don't feel bad because you have your share.

Please don't stay away too long. :)

jim said...

Hello Sophia, you make some real good points here. I take you for a part of me, of my psyche, one of which I love and cherish as a part of myself, one which I also would like to know more and that means on into the future, both in this world and the next and the next (if you believe in such things, I do), and one who I find has made a great contribution to my well being and current life in many ways. As well as I know you thru the blogs, I would not hesitate to be personally acquainted with you and believe that I would thoroughly enjoy your physical company and would love to have lunch or dinner with you and even your family. I find you, after all our history thru blogging, to be exceptional as a human being, bright and hopeful and encouraging even when you are 'down'. I will never forget you, you will always be a valuable person to me, unforgettable for the best reasons, and a spiritual love of the highest caliber.

I hope you work thru your down time, and return to your own light, for that light is THE Light, even when the earth and its' life takes you out of circulation for a time. Don't fear tho, dear Sophia, I will be here if I am able myself, (and you know my other info), and I am sure most others will be waiting and looking forward to your return. A group of us was long centered on you and your writings and your life in the blogs, none of these will ever discount you, even those who are no longer blogging, they, I am sure, will always thing fondly of you, even love you, and you are always a 'real person' to them as to me. Honestly Sophia, I myself hold you tightly as one of my closest and dearest 'real friends' in the world, the 'real world' not just in blogland.

Hang in there my love, You have my email, drop a line anytime.

May G-d bless you and your family with His/Her absolute very best, Amen.

goatman said...

You tend to overthink things.
Take Mr. Peabody for a walk and let the fresh air blow through your mind.
Dogs exist for their walks. And we exist to take them. Ha

Christi said...

I am sending much love and positive energy into the Universe for you during this difficult time.

Please don't ever feel selfish for the things you think, the way you feel or your current interactions (or even lack thereof!). You are taking care of you, and that is the least selfish thing I can think of.

Many people put everyone head of themselves and then feel guilty when they need that help, that time away. It's a ridiculous notion that society has put upon us and we grasp it and try to remember it to give our lives meaning.

But you know?

Society is wrong... just look around at the things that society tells us we should be and do. You're not a size 6! You should be! You're not a Supermom! You should be! You're not solving the greenhouse gas crisis! You should be! You're not blah blah blah... so what? Be who you are and forget what society tries to push upon you.

Of course, if I could convince myself of the same I'd be in a much better place. The Supermom gets me the most, why can't I be the ideal parent? Unfortunately, it's because for all the stress that society places upon the idea of it, it doesn't exist.

Take care of you, my friend. And if you need anything, I'm just a bridge away.

*hugs*

With Hope,
~ Christi

Lucid said...

Your in my thoughts and prayers!!! Wishing you well always,
Lucid

Chaz-Heathcliff said...

My love to you, Victoria-Catherine. Get well. Every moment of one's life is precious and should be lived to the fullest. The "blackness" is not living.

I have missed you and think of you often ....

C.

brad4d said...

feel less guilt for needing to "Know Thyself" The Ego is a useful vehicle if you get to know the driver, and many-times the job gets to all of us, your honesty will surely attract blessings

rudi said...

Sophia said:

"It would seem that I am really quite alone, and everyone else are just perceptions of who I want them to be, as opposed to who they really are. Or are they who they really are? I don't know".

All is projection / perception, and you are the nothingness / emptiness / aliveness / consciousness from which, and in which, these perceptions arise. Which means you are also all perceptions, i.e. fullness / everythingness. In other words, you are not so much 'alone' (as in 'separate', or 'lonely'), but 'all-one' (the heart which knows everything as itself and in which everything is welcome).

"For instance, do you see in me who I really am, or do you see in me someone you want me to be, or something that your own psyche is lacking?"

To me the mind-body entity known as Sophia is a mere perception, a projection, an appearance; behind the appearance I see the real You, which is pure Consciousness, Life itself, unconditional Love, waiting to be discovered.

Leighton Cooke said...

At this moment you are some words on my MacBook screen. I'm sitting and drinking Gigondas, a fine French red from the village of the same name. The joy is that I am happy and trust that you are too. We do not need to know everything. We only need to be...or not to be...all is good.

rudi said...

Leighton Cooke said...

"We do not need to know everything. We only need to be...or not to be...all is good."

But in order to be, to truly be who we are, we first need to know who we are. Although this is all we need to know, when this is known everything else also falls into place. In the words of the ancient Oracle of Delphi: Know thyself and thou shall know all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe.

Sophia said...

Mossy, hello to you, too. Thanks for your kind words. It's nice to know that you guys keep coming around even when I start showing my imperfections.

When I disappear, I always come back. :)

Sophia said...

Jim,

Your words really mean a lot to me. I'm not so good with words myself. To me, I sound simple-minded. I have all these big ideas in my head but I can't express them. So, just know that I'm feeling a lot from what you've written, I just might not be able to express in words what I'm feeling. For you to say to me that you think I'm part of your psyche is something no one has ever said to me before. I am also honored that you think I have contributed to you in some way, because I always thought you were the giving one, while I always seemed to be taking. I suppose in the end we're really just here for each other. All of us. We're social creatures and we Love. It's such a beautiful thing to share with you and others. When I start feeling down about things in my life that have gone wrong, I try to think about my blessings, such as the gift I was given. That gift is the ability to love. Obviously I also like the gift of the ability to be loved. :) From you, I feel that love. So, thank you, Jim. Thanks for sharing Love with me.

Sophia said...

Goatman, I think that is what Socrates would have said. Wasn't he the philosopher who said that everything has a purpose?

Sophia said...

Christi,

Thanks! I'm taking care of my issues before I meet you. I don't want to be the friend who whines all the time about their problems. And right now, that is what I'm doing a lot of. After everything gets resolved I'll be back to my positive spiritual self. Please note that I spend more time whining online than I do in real life, and really I only whine on my blog and recently to a good friend on the Internet. The blog is sort of a diary or journal, where I can vent. I'm not this crazy in real life. :) I don't want to physically pass on my negative energy to anyone. I really believe it's possible for negative energy to be contagious! I've seen it happen, I've even experienced it.

I really want to meet you and do something with you. I'm just procrastinating until I know I can be a good friend. And I want to be a good friend to you.

Sophia said...

Lucid,

Thank you, my friend! Thanks, too, for the visits and comments.

Sophia said...

Hi Chaz-Heathcliff,

I think about you often, too. I wonder if you still work where you worked, and what you're up to these days, if you're still listening to classical music and reading Shakespeare. Sometimes when I hear a particularly moving classical piece, I think of you and wish that you could hear it, too. I still have the book you sent me. I skipped around reading parts of it that seemed to validate what I was going through. Someday soon I mean to read it in detail. It is sentimental to me, to have this book, because it is something that you gave me, something that you gave me during a time that I needed it, and it showed me how thoughtful you are.

You are my longest Internet "pal" ever. I'm glad you stopped by. Your visit has reminded me that you remember me. :)

Sophia said...

Brad4d, thanks for your encouragement. It's a daunting task, trying to find my real Self. :) It's helpful to know that this can happen to others. I feel less alone hearing that from you.

Sophia said...

Rudi,

Once this Oneness is realized, does the loneliness disappear? I mean, will my need for affection and love disappear once this is realized? I don't like using the word "loneliness", because if I worked on it, I could have lots of friends; I once did. My seclusion is self-inflicted, but mostly because I feel no one understands this journey.

I wonder why loneliness manifested out of the One. What purpose does it serve? Perhaps it is a driving force, pushing us to find our real Selves.

Sophia said...

Leighton,

Your post made me smile and made me chuckle to myself for a moment. I never thought of myself as words on a screen. I wonder what font I am? Am I double spaced?

Thanks, yes, I am mostly happy. Just working out a few kinks so that I can find Truth.