Friday, July 18, 2008

It's Not an Escape

Alcohol does not take away pain.

It causes headaches instead.

109 comments:

Sophia said...

And it doesn't mix well with guilt. It amplifies it.

Just a caution.

Siegfried said...

You're friends can make you feel guilty.
I have this all the time. I'm an amateur.

Siegfried said...

Some bugs!

Siegfried said...

Sometimes I'm not funny anymore.

Sophia said...

Do bugs make you feel guilty?

I recommend Jainism. :)

My husband teases me about it, but I always like to rescue drowning insects out of the swimming pool.

I'm not a Jain, though.

jim said...

I know the feeling/s.

Maybe we all do, most of us.

Siegfried said...

Well, I have these colleagues who try to make me feel guilty everytime. To make me feel inferior and miserable. I used to be very nice. Now I'm giving them tit for tat. I do this non-verbally. Sometimes verbally. Using body language. Or I just follow their examples. They can be a pain...

Sophia said...

Jim,

I don't usually drink, but when I do I tend to overdo it. I had three wine coolers last night. I haven't had a wine cooler since I was in college. I had forgotten how quickly they work. :) I have a slight headache but other than that I feel fine. When they first set-in, it's very relaxing and slows down my racing thoughts. But after a while it turns into sorrow and guilt.

Sophia said...

What do they try to make you feel guilty for? And no one can make you feel guilty unless you have a reason to feel guilt. Do you?

Frey said...

It's not a simple as that. People can make you feel guilty for anything. For the simplest, most innocent, or stupidest thing you say or do. For being in love for example. For being too honest. For being yourself. For being lazy for example. For not being like other people. For being different. For having ambition. For being ambitious. Etc, etc, etc.
And for trying to be funny.

Frey said...

Sorry about that. I'm trying to give myself a new identity. Like evolving. ;>)

Frey said...

It's a common Frisian name.

Sophia said...

"Frey", short for Freyja the Valkyrie? Interesting... I used that as a pseudonym for a short while in some newsgroups.

Sometimes being in love has a way of making you feel guilty, especially if the object of your affection does not visibly seem to return the feeling. In this case, it's probably more embarrassment or shame than guilt. You'd feel bare.

If you feel guilty for being yourself, there must be something you're doing that you need to feel guilty about. Did your parents make you feel guilty a lot when you were younger, or perhaps a church authority figure?

Laziness... well... perhaps we should feel guilty for that. I'm lazy... VERY lazy.

DON'T feel guilty for not being like other people. Just don't.

Sophia said...

Ah, I see. Frey was a Norse God... Freyja's brother.

Frey said...

Frey or Freyr is the brother of Freya or Freyja. Nordic and Frisian gods.
You shouldn't try to feel guilty about anything. Except what you think is really wrong. Or unless you've committed something that is really wrong. With or without an accomplice.
I always say: Jesus didn't make me.

Sophia said...

I only feel guilty when I've done something wrong.

Frey said...

The good thing about blogging is that you can tell lots of things to people, things you think were or are wrong. Without worrying about being punished right away.
Of course, psychopaths aren't easily intimidated by anything. They think they can get away with anything. But perhaps there are not many of them around except in prisons. Or they could be amateur psychopaths. Peace-loving warriors. Whatever. I'm intellectually retarded.

Frey said...

They can still make you feel guilty for losing your job. Or not doing your best.

Sophia said...

It's easy to believe you won't get punished online.

You are not intellectually retarded. You are actually quite bright.

Sophia said...

Did you lose your job?

Did you or didn't you try your best?

Frey said...

I just helped my girl deal with her guilt feelings for being a victim. She'd been carrying it for almost five years. I had much success. She's really very happy.

Frey said...

I can lose my job anytime. And I act as if I dodn't give...

Frey said...

When I lose all my guilt feelings, I'm as free as a bird. I can almost fly. But some people can make you feel guilty for not feeling guilty.

Frey said...

Some people can also make you feel guity for standing up straight and tall and throwing your shoulders back. They think you are arrogant. And they do their best to put you down.
When they try to do this to me, I teach them a lesson. I'm a good comedian.

Sophia said...

What was she feeling guilty for?

Why are you going to lose your job?

Is it because of mental health reasons?

Guilt-free is freedom.

Cookiemouse said...

Nothing wrong with a couple of beers! Always remember less is more.

Sophia said...

I find it difficult to be humble sometimes. But I know I'm supposed to be humble.

Sophia said...

Cookiemouse,

I'm going to remember that tonight. I bought a four-pack of wine coolers and I have one left. One is just enough and even if I want more I won't be able to have any more.

I don't like beer much, although I love Lambic.

Frey said...

Lots of things. For being a victim. For not standing for herself. Too many things.
I can lose my job for trying to change the situation in the company. For the most stupid thing. For complaining. Or not complaining.
Most people are willing victims anyway. I was criticized often for standing for myself by my own colleagues.

Sophia said...

For being a victim in regards to what happened to herself, meaning the man/men that tried to violate her?

How long have you had this job?

Frey said...

A lot of people would like to think I'm insane or crazy. But I don't give...
I don't need to drink to be drunk. And they resent it.

Frey said...

I told her to forget everything. Not to let anybody judge her. She's totally innocent. She was just a child. Still is.

Sophia said...

Well, are you "insane" or "crazy"? Or is it that you are different from everyone else? Being different is different than being insane or crazy. It can make you feel alone, though. Especially if people don't understand you.

How old is your girlfriend?

Frey said...

A long time. I survived a lot of people.

Frey said...

I don't give...

Frey said...

And they wanted to punish if they could.

Sophia said...

Do you suspect that you really are in danger of losing your job?

If so, do you have a back-up plan, as far as finances are concerned? Do you have a resume?

What was Sofija's diagnosis of you?

Sophia said...

And they would punish you by taking away your job?

Frey said...

You're a good interviewer!

Sophia said...

I'm not interviewing or interrogating you. I'm trying to get a feel for what's going on in your life and in your head. The other day you said you had a lot of things going on in your head. Remember?

Frey said...

Sofija coached me to help me survive bullying. I never needed coaching. My boss wanted to have me examined. Because he couldn't intimidate me.

Sophia said...

Were you bullied as a child?

Frey said...

There's too much corruption in the workplace. And you become a part of it. Too much inefficiency, laziness, bullying and blaming the wrong persons.

Frey said...

I hope you are learning a lot, Sophia.

Sophia said...

Have you thought about trying to separate yourself from all that? Not physically, but emotionally? Build an invisible defense wall around yourself, and only let the good things in.

Sophia said...

I'm learning a lot, about you.

Frey said...

There is no need. All you need is a good posture and correct body language.

Sophia said...

Well, if you have been using this posture and body language, why are you still being bullied?

Frey said...

A big middle finger.

Sophia said...

A middle finger to who... me?

Frey said...

They try to keep doing it. Because they are stupid. And I can be very forgiving and nice.

Frey said...

You're trying to be funny.;>)

Sophia said...

I do have a small sense of humor, you know.

If you are forgiving and nice, why do you consider them "stupid"?

Frey said...

I meant ... and a big middle finger.
It came a second later. Some mistake. This happens a lot.

Sophia said...

I know what you meant, not to worry.

Frey said...

Because they keep doing it. And losing faces. But they have no faces.

Sophia said...

So you look at people and you cannot recognize their faces?

There is a disorder, it's called Face Blindness.

Frey said...

When I lose my temper, they cower. But I don't usually lose my temper. I'm too wise for that.

Sophia said...

I know all about temper. I have to work on mine. It requires humbling oneself, and not letting your pride take over.

Frey said...

Face Blindness? Well, it's not a nice face to look at. It's a mask. Ugly.

Sophia said...

Whose face is ugly?

Frey said...

Trying to be a humble, is counterproductive. It doesn't work. It's a religious idea. You can't pretend to be more humble than another person. Not really sure about that.
You should allow pride and arrogance. Not try to repress it in yourself or others. That is like trying to control everyone. And who are you anyway? Maybe I'm wrong I'm trying to be humble.

Sophia said...

I'm not trying to be anyone important. I have my own issues to deal with regarding trying to be more humble and to deal with anger or pride. My husband and I often get into power struggles.

Frey said...

We all have ugly faces.;>)

Frey said...

It's normal! I thought you were submissive.

Sophia said...

I generally have a submissive personality, but for some reason my husband has this way of bringing out some of my dominant side, especially if I think he's trying to control me.

I only give up control to someone when it needs to be done.

Frey said...

Be angry but don't become agressive and violent. Be nervous but don't panic.
A long time ago I thought I understood J. Krishnamurti. Especially about the Self, the I, the Me. He thought it's not a good thing Because it leads to all these: selfishness, agressiveness, violence. But now I think he was mistaken. Or maybe I didn't understand him clearly. I don't want to elaborate on it.

Sophia said...

I never become violent, I just lose my temper and say things I shouldn't.

I've never read J. Krishnamurti.

Frey said...

I have no response to that.
Some people don't want to listen. They probably have an addiction. Possibly. Most of us do.

Frey said...

I stop reading him a long time ago.

Sophia said...

I have an Internet addiction.

What are you addicted to?

Frey said...

Me too.

Frey said...

well, you know the Internet is the Center of the Universe. If you want to find your Center, there it is. ;>)

Sophia said...

I thought so.

Do you use the Internet so much that you get headaches? Or dry eyes?

Sophia said...

It's the balancing pin of the Daruma doll.

Frey said...

I usually get backaches for sitting too long. Well you will get this too if you meditate too long. Zazen. Shikantaza. Which do you prefer? Contact or Backache?

Sophia said...

I must have contact.

And you?

Frey said...

What's wrong with having Contact lenses?

Frey said...

Anyhow your husband has his addictions. I'm sure of that.

Sophia said...

I don't have contact lenses. I had Lasik surgery in June 2007. I used to wear glasses and contacts, though. Contacts always bothered my eyes and glasses made me feel self-conscious.

Sophia said...

Yes, he watches t.v. all the time. He is always watching boxing, wrestling or extreme cage fighting. But he's going blind so he can't read much anymore.

Frey said...

Yes, I know that. Still remember. And lots of things about you.

Sophia said...

You do know lots of things about me. You've spent a long time with me since 2005, but even more since last year.

We enjoy each other's company.

Frey said...

I don't have time to watch TV anymore. I didn't see the European Football Final. I'm a nerd.

Frey said...

I hope I win this time.

Sophia said...

Then we can both be nerds together. There was a time in my life when being called a nerd hurt my feelings. Then there was a time when being called a nerd made me feel proud that I was a nerd. Then there was a time that I started to call myself a nerd.

Sophia said...

What would you like to win?

Frey said...

My girl is bored too. She asked me this morning if I had any good ideas or plans.

Frey said...

A marathon. Or a record.

Frey said...

You saw too amny Nerd films.

Frey said...

I won, I got four in a row. Or column.

Frey said...

Tot ziens! Aju paraplu!

Sophia said...

I've never seen a singl Nerd film. By "nerd", I mean, I blog too much, surf the Web too much, enjoy learning new things, reading when I am able. I'm very much in my own head. I'm a thinker and an analyzer.

Are you a runner?

Maybe you can take your girlfriend out for a hot dog.

Frey said...

Exactly. But I will never leave you alone.

Sophia said...

I suppose that means farewell?

By the way, I'd love to know what that means. When I use the translator is says, "Farewell you umbrella."

Frey said...

I better run. Catch you!

Sophia said...

Someday you'll leave, whenever you get bored with me.

Frey said...

Well, you are!

Sophia said...

OK. Have a nice day. (Or night?)

Bye for now.

jim said...

99 comments, busy as the bee in the next post....

99 bottles of cheap wine on the wall, 99 bottles of boonesfarm!

Take one down, drink it you clown, 100 bottles of cheap wine on the wall!

Sophia said...

Heheh... we should sit around the bar and sing Irish songs.

Sophia said...

Do you think it's bad to feel erotic when you're trying to be spiritual?

Frey said...

It was a record. And still going on strong.
I'm very erotic. Especially with my girlfriend. It'z just in ze mind.
I'm known for being very erotic. I make a lot of sexy jokes. Very original. But not pornographic.
However, I don't focus it on anybody. I mean my eroticism.
I consider myself very spiritual.

Frey said...

It's the main ingredient when it comes to being very attractive, I suppose. I am sexual.
My body or posture is not tense. I move from the hips upward, from the soles of my feet. I think this what makes some people very attractive. Physically.

jim said...

You have no idea, or maybe one does, how much I would love to be your teacher, but, alas, that is not to be, for this subject has to be taught by itself.

At the same, very same, time, I wish to give something worthwhile.

Sex, be it eroticism or the act itself is the same. For pure action is thought, and v.v.

And the reality, the final reality of our reality is, simply, vibration, and the vibration has to be sought outside of this world, one has to wait for it past what is normally expected.

and Vibration is like water, water is like vibration only visible. One has to take the wait, and experience the vibration rather than the water.

But it is very esoteric, and one has to find ones own way, for it is unique to the individual, and your frequency is only yours.

And there are no rules, one needs what one needs. More than the variations of nature, are those of spirit.

jim said...

ultimately, it is that you are inside of the movement, inside vibration, a vib within a vib.

And in that is the reality, in that is the transference, but not the final finish, for that is the progression of thought itself, from vib to hearing.

There are many things to know, I wonder how much you know?

Sophia said...

It's early, so I have to make this short so I can go back to bed.

What I mean is, lately I've felt a lot of these so called vibrations, I think, all throughout my body, even in the middle of shopping in the grocery store. I hope no one could notice.

Siegfried said...

I used to have them to. Don't be afraid. It's probably just energy or tension that is being released when certain thoughts and ideas lose their power. Certain held beliefs, ideas, thoughts, emotions, and habits use lots of energy and cause physical tension, chronic fatigue, and even mental and physical exhaustion.
Just allow it.
Don't associate anything spiritual or supernatural with any of these vibrations. You will be deluding yourself, if you do.

Siegfried said...

Don't be holy. Don't perfect. Don't be humble. Don't be self-absorbed.
Don't be pious. Don't be religious. Don't be supernatural. Don't be powerful. Don't try to be anything. Just be. Just observe.