Friday, February 22, 2008

Social Disgraces

My sister is moving out-of-town in a week or two, so we went out to eat dinner together tonight just to kind of chat for a while, have a drink and enjoy each other's company. She's only moving a little more than two hours away, and she promises I'll see her often when she comes home to visit, but we never saw each other much to begin with, so I know how this is going to turn out; I'll be lucky if I see her two or three times a year. What matters is that tonight we had a good time, ate some Mexican food and enjoyed a strawberry margarita. For a going away gift I gave her one of those good luck trolls. I saw them in the store today and they made me remember how much my sister and I enjoyed having them when we were younger. They sort of disappeared from the world for a decade or two, and then today there they were, sitting on a store shelf reduced to clearance prices. I bought two of them, both green, one for her and one for me. I like it when toys are brought back for another shot at the market decades after they disappeared. I admit I buy them sometimes just because they give me good memories.

After we ate, we went to pay for our food, and what happened immediately afterwards proves that I have a good reason for not socializing much. My sister struck-up conversation with the Mexican man who took our money at the register. He looked at me several times so of course I had to get involved in the conversation. I really didn't know what to say and I confess that I was so absent-minded I really didn't know what the conversation was about, so I had to really fake it. I mean, I had to pretend that I knew what they were talking about and come-up with conversation that applied to what they were talking about. I didn't really make a good shot at it and I caught myself making gestures towards the door by taking small steps towards it, because I was really wanting to get out of the conversation and make an escape for the parking lot. From out of no-where, I said to the man, "I love you." At once I was embarassed so all I could do was simply say, "I'm sorry." I know I probably confused him but it was an honest mistake. I know why I made it. Anytime I'm finishing up conversation with my family, I always end by saying, "I love you." Because my mind wasn't quite with it tonight I spoke out-of-habit on-the-fly. Anyway, after apologizing I just made quickly for the parking lot. My sister was behind me, laughing. I was utterly humiliated. To make good of it, my sister called my mom on her cell phone to joke about what had just happened. The only relief I had from the whole circumstance was that I quickly glanced over my shoulder through the glass of the restaurant to see the man helping the next customer with an embarrassed smile. I guess he thought it was funny but I'm sure he thought I was terribly quirky.

This is exactly one of the types of situations that I try to avoid at all costs, and one of the reasons I have social anxiety. It's because I am always afraid I'm going to say something stupid by making a slip-up. It's better to just keep myself locked-up behind closed doors at all times so that I can keep myself safe from the shame that I will inevitably cause myself.

Good grief, I really don't know what gets into me at times. I have a faux pas for every situation.

12 comments:

Kathy said...

lol you sound like me! i do stuff like that too.

Sophia said...

Kathy,

You and I together would probably really make a good team. :D

So glad there's another blunderer out there!

Mossy said...

Maybe if you do it enough you will get used to it and stop taking yourself so seriously. Actually I feel the same way. I need to get out more. Make more mistakes.

What matters is what is in your heart. Really.

Christi said...

Oh gosh, I have a story that's extremely similar, except I embarrassed myself far worse than just saying "I love you" to a stranger.

My parents and I were leaving a restaurant and as we were leaving the gentleman holding the door made a snarky comment about the weather and wasn't it "wonderful" that they were calling for some obscene amount of snow, to which I replied, "Oh yeah, I'm wet just thinking about it..."

My Mom stopped cold and looked at me, my Dad stopped cold and looked at me and the poor guy holding the door turned bright red and made a hasty retreat inside.

Ah.... the joys of being a smart-ass when sometimes my mouth works quicker than my brain.

~ Christi

Sophia said...

Mossy,

I agree with you. I took myself too seriously. After it was over, as I was riding home in the car with my sister, I went over the incident again in my mind and I thought to myself that if I would have just smiled and walked out after saying it and not make such a big deal over it, it wouldn't have been half as bad. But no, I had to stop, stutter for a few seconds and apologize for it, which probably made my goofiness more noticeable than if I had just said "I love you."

Sophia said...

Christi,

I have to say that you've made my night with this one! I feel a little better now. :)

I couldn't keep myself from laughing which put me into a coughing frenzy. hehee!

Thanks for bringing cheer to my night and for being you. It's nice to know that other people embarrass themselves, too, and that I'm not all alone. I guess this is just part of being a human being.

I have another related story for you. When I was going to college, I was walking on one of the many sidewalks on a terribly gusty day. My long hair was blowing all over the place. The Dean of Education, a completely bald man, was walking past me and in doing so, he said to me, "My, that wind is blowing your hair all over!" Without thinking, I said to him in response, "Yes, and you don't have that problem!"

I was never able to face him again with dignity.

Siegfried said...

My American sister says I love you to me everytime she calls me. It must be very American. But I don't feel comfortable with it. I mean I'm not used to it.
Sometimes this habit can come from repressed desires and emotions such as fear and insecurity. Just a wild guess.

Siegfried said...

Sophia,
I just lost my favorite girl and I feel sad, empty and depressed. She just disappeared. Probably lost her parttime job. Too bad I hadn't asked her where she lives.
I can't forget her face. She's so cute. I hope I don't become obsessed with her. And end up stalking her. Maybe I should have moved fast. I'm quite sure she cared about me. But what can I do? She's underaged.
I don't know what's happening. Why it's happening to me. Perhaps I have very seductive eyes. Or maybe I look like Johnny Depp. ;>)
I think this is my karma.

Siegfried said...

My firstborn son, who is 17, is going to see me with two of his best friends tomorrow. Maybe I should introduce him to my girlfriends. Teach them how to attract and keep them.

Vincent said...

Oh you poor thing, Sophia. I have to say I laughed. Just think of it as a way to bring a little joy in the world. There are no losers in that story, unless you insist on being one!

Sophia said...

Siegfried,

I've always wanted to say "I love you" to my family at the end of every conversation because if anything happened to me or them, I know it would have been the last words I'd have said to them, and you can't go wrong with that. But when I say it to them, I really mean it. If it was more natural, I'd probably want to say it to all my close friends, too, but I know a lot of people might be uncomfortable with that.

Siegfried, tomorrow you'll be back on your feet and having lost your "favorite girl" will have just been a thing of the past. After all, you have so many girls that another can take her place. The only reason it bothers you so much is because now you know you can't have her, and we always want more what we know we can't have.

I'm sure your son has already learned a lot about attracting women from his dad. :)

Sophia said...

Vincent,

If it can bring a little bit of laughter to someone's day, then I feel good about it. :)