Saturday, February 16, 2008

Pining

I don't know what the mumbo jumbo means that I wrote about yesterday. I don't know why I sit down sometimes to type on this blog after I've been affected by a sleeping pill. I open myself up too wide when I do this. The day after, I have regrets. I didn't need to get into my teenage sex life to explain that I was struggling to fulfill myself with a higher power. The only thing that matters... the only thing I should've said, is that I was looking for something but at the time I didn't know what it was. Now I think I've identified it. There is nothing else it could be. I've gone all the way to the top of the hierarchy. There is nothing else above God. But who or what is God? I know I'll spend the rest of my life trying to find the answer. In the same vein, it will probably take the rest of my life just to figure out who I am. Is there a millisecond before death when we suddenly know? And will we have an afterlife with which to use the information we've garnered from that one split second?

All my history leads up to this point, where I'm at now. Just like your history leads you up to where you are. It can't go anywhere else except here. If it could go anywhere else, there'd be two of you or me. And now we're getting into the possibility of a multiverse. Of course it's a possiblity. We can't even understand this one big universe, so how can we deny the existence of others?

We think we are too small for God to notice us? Just because we don't pay attention to the freckle on our toe doesn't mean God doesn't pay attention to us. If He/She has a mind, it's much bigger than ours and can surely process much more information in a smaller amount of time. I don't even know why I'm trying to explain God, because God is unexplainable. Religions have tried since the beginning of time to explain it, and there are so many of them, so many religions. God is hidden in there somewhere. His face is everywhere yet we pretend we can't see it. We try to define it as if we could see it perfectly. But our sight is subjective, so instead of finding the one true God, we mass produce Him/Her/It in large varying quantities and qualities. There is a God for every target audience.

You know what? I don't want to step-up to the store counter and custom order my God. I want the real God to be revealed to me. In finding Him/Her/It, I want to find myself. Because, how can I know God if I don't even know myself first?

Is there an objective God?

To my future spiritual teacher: This is just the tip of the iceburg. I can't even begin to speak about my desire to understand the Universe or myself, to tell you about how badly I want to find answers. I don't even know where to begin to look. So all day long I sit and think about where I'm going to start. And this is where I've been for a number of years now. I'm not getting anywhere. If you give me a place to start, if you help encourage me, I can begin to make progress and with your help I can begin to chip away at the stone that is my core being, until I find the shape hidden beneath it all.

I'm not expecting you to tell me who God is. I'm not expecting you to tell me who I am. But together, we can explore the Universe which is part of the expression of what God is, surely. And through delving in and exploring that beautiful expression, through secrets and obviousness, we can come to start to understand who or what God is.

26 comments:

Mossy said...

I want to see a picture of the freckle on your toe.

Not only does God probaly have a great mind, he might have a pretty good heart. I like to think that God might be very simple and warm hearted. I think that we are all like that, inside.

Empty cup sounds like a good idea. So, how does one empty ones cup(mind)?

Alexander M Zoltai said...

First a disclaimer:

Considering a word that can upset some folks, the use of "man" in English for "all of us" is explained in other Writings:

"The biblical statement 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness' does not mean that woman was not created. The image and likeness of God apply to her as well. In Persian and Arabic there are two distinct words translated into English as man: one meaning man and woman collectively, the other distinguishing man as male from woman the female. The first word and its pronoun are generic, collective; the other is restricted to the male. This is the same in Hebrew."

The Promulgation of Universal Peace: Talks Delivered by `Abdu'l-Bahá during His Visit to the United States and Canada in 1912, 2nd. ed. (Wilmette: Bahá'í Publishing Trust, 1982)

My Offering for Your Pining:

"Thou hast asked Me whether man, as apart from the Prophets of God and His chosen ones, will retain, after his physical death, the self-same individuality, personality, consciousness, and understanding that characterize his life in this world. If this should be the case, how is it, thou hast observed, that whereas such slight injuries to his mental faculties as fainting and severe illness deprive him of his understanding and consciousness, his death, which must involve the decomposition of his body and the dissolution of its elements, is powerless to destroy that understanding and extinguish that consciousness? How can any one imagine that man's consciousness and personality will be maintained, when the very instruments necessary to their existence and function will have completely disintegrated?

"Know thou that the soul of man is exalted above, and is independent of all infirmities of body or mind. That a sick person showeth signs of weakness is due to the hindrances that interpose themselves between his soul and his body, for the soul itself remaineth unaffected by any bodily ailments. Consider the light of the lamp. Though an external object may interfere with its radiance, the light itself continueth to shine with undiminished power. In like manner, every malady afflicting the body of man is an impediment that preventeth the soul from manifesting its inherent might and power. When it leaveth the body, however, it will evince such ascendancy, and reveal such influence as no force on earth can equal. Every pure, every refined and sanctified soul will be endowed with tremendous power, and shall rejoice with exceeding gladness.

"Consider the lamp which is hidden under a bushel. Though its light be shining, yet its radiance is concealed from men. Likewise, consider the sun which hath been obscured by the clouds. Observe how its splendor appeareth to have diminished, when in reality the source of that light hath remained unchanged. The soul of man should be likened unto this sun, and all things on earth should be regarded as his body. So long as no external impediment interveneth between them, the body will, in its entirety, continue to reflect the light of the soul, and to be sustained by its power. As soon as, however, a veil interposeth itself between them, the brightness of that light seemeth to lessen.

"Consider again the sun when it is completely hidden behind the clouds. Though the earth is still illumined with its light, yet the measure of light which it receiveth is considerably reduced. Not until the clouds have dispersed, can the sun shine again in the plenitude of its glory. Neither the presence of the cloud nor its absence can, in any way, affect the inherent splendor of the sun. The soul of man is the sun by which his body is illumined, and from which it draweth its sustenance, and should be so regarded.

"Consider, moreover, how the fruit, ere it is formed, lieth potentially within the tree. Were the tree to be cut into pieces, no sign nor any part of the fruit, however small, could be detected. When it appeareth, however, it manifesteth itself, as thou hast observed, in its wondrous beauty and glorious perfection. Certain fruits, indeed, attain their fullest development only after being severed from the tree."

Bahá’u’lláh, Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, p. 152

Mossy said...

Thank you Alexander,

Yes it seems that the "Soul" can be retained eternally. I wonder what "Soul" includes, and what is not included.

Christi said...

I was listening to the radio earlier today and "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon came on today and made me think of you.

Are you familiar with the song? While the male wanting of the song is irrelevant here, I was stuck by how appropriate some parts of the song seemed.

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

(Chorus - which I skipped)

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

You can download the song here but only for the next 7 days.

With hope,
~ Christi

Anonymous said...

I think the hardest thing to come to terms with is that the Self - being the culmination of your physical body, emotions, thoughts, behavioural programming, etc - is actually one and the same as the God we are looking for.

The only thing stopping us realising this is our own judgement - we are seperate to God, and consequently we don't take responsibilty for our actions and ignore our soul.

Observation needs to replace labelling or judging ourselves or others. It's simply experiencing life as it happens (or "being present".)

Taking responsibility for our intention when we project thought, words or deeds towards ourselves and others will eventually bring realisation that our life's purpose is to love and be loved.

My teacher once told me that enlightenment is not a destination, nor a finish line to be crossed. Understanding of the Self (and therefore God) is gradual and never ending.

Which is cold comfort for those of us wanting it all now! *stomps foot* Hang in there, don't make sudden changes, don't rush things - and enjoy the journey!

Hugs

Anonymous said...

“Time to Go”

Bars,
even if forged of braided gold,
are still bars.
And being locked inside is death to the soul.
God came to set us free,
not build a prison
and expect those with faith
to file in.
Structure, form, and commitment
keep us knit together.
But only if they enhance the bonds of
love,
not serve as a substitute.
When rules and religious reasons
replace love, grace and passion
another prison cell is filled.

— A poem by Delilah


“Delilah's Girls”

Web page highly recommended

http://www.delilah.com/content/poemstoread.html

I believe she's the original truly spitirual DJ.

Happily_anonymous

Siegfried said...

I've given up looking for God a long time ago. I didn't find him in Jesus. Or in Buddha. I didn't find him in myself.
The fool says to himself there is no God.

Siegfried said...

Oh God, if there is a God why am I so enlightened! ;>)

Siegfried said...

About talking about oneself:
It helps not to give a damn.
Who cares, anyway? ;>)
I mean at least you know deeply it's just history. And nothing else.

aspiringservant9 said...

Sophia,

I'm sure you know your name refers to the Greek Goddess of wisdom, so it comes as no surprise that you demand answers from the world.

It's beautiful to me how your need to know is so relentless.

If there is a God, He/She/It is the one that put that there.

Siegfried said...

I saw this beautiful 6-foot girl again. I think her name is Petra. Everything I learned about attracting girls, I just threw away. And just started obviously and heavily flirting with her. Even my pupils were dilated. Even risk getting rejected. Just so I could talk to her. Even the other woman who was present seemed to have fallen in love with me;>) she just kept smiling at me.
Hopelessly in love again.

Siegfried said...

Bought more clothes. It's like they're giving everything away. I'd be looking like a million soon.
Peacocking all the time.
I can't believe what is happening to me. Even my lawyer is getting attracted to me.
I might need your advice more often.
Within the space of half a year, my life is completely and irreversibly altered. It's like I'm living a dream.

Siegfried said...

I didn't see Carolien, the prettiest girl, tho. For almost two weeks. She just disappeared. I hope not forever. Anyway, I flirted with Rebekah instead.
I tried to be kind to Liane, the shortest girl. She's actually very affectionate.
Sorry about all that. I'm just trying to cheer you up.

Siegfried said...

And Chantal is giving me the come-on signals. I just can't resist it.
Claudia will be very depressed soon.

Siegfried said...

Well, about my age. I'm old enough to be your father.

Sophia said...

Mossy,

*giggles* I don't really have a freckle on my toe. But it sounded interesting, didn't it? :)

For now, one of the ways to empty the mind that I can think of is to meditate, which is something I simply don't do enough of anymore! I haven't meditated since I got Peabody. There's too much racket to meditate. But maybe I'm just trying to come-up with excuses not to do it because it seems like work sometimes. My mind likes to be involved in thinking too much.

How often do you meditate? Or do you?

Sophia said...

Alex,

Thanks for the clipping.

I think it would help for me to think of the soul containing a body, as opposed to the body containing a soul. Death, I hope, is just the soul shedding its body. If I were to imagine this, I think it might explain auras. The aura is the soul surrounding the body that it contains. The soul is in us and out of us. Maybe... These are just thoughts.

Sophia said...

Christi,

I listened to the song. Thanks!

You are right; some parts of this song really are relevant to this seeking that is going on. That speaking in the back of my mind is like a hypnotic siren that lures me in, calling me towards who knows what. :)

"You're waiting for someone
To put you together" This part especially applies, since in a way I'm waiting for a spiritual teacher to put me together. I know everyone would tell me only I could put me together, which is right, but see, I've got the general shape formed from the clay, I just need someone to etch out the details.

Sophia said...

Hi Anonymous,

Thanks for your input. It is much appreciated.

Are you saying that everything that I am made of, my thoughts, body, emotions, etc. is The God? What about everyone else?

I am wondering if this is like solipsism. Everyone else are just projections? What do you think?

Sophia said...

Hi Happily_anonymous,

Great to see you tonight. :)

If I'm thinking of the right Delilah, she's a radio personality they play on 106.9 in my area. Yep, I just listened to a sample on her website that you listed and that's her alright! I don't like the music they play on the station she's on, but I've always found her voice soothing.

I like where the poem takes me. I think that spirituality is something that can be experienced without having to confine oneself within the rigid boundaries of religion. I don't think I could follow religion ever again. I had enough of that as a kid. :(

Hope you're having a great night. Thanks for sharing the poem with me. I really appreciate it.

Sophia said...

So Siegfried,

What did you end-up deciding about God?

You fall in love with so many girls, that I'm starting to get the picture that you just love everyone. Siegfried, you might as well confess, you love the world. :)

You should take some pictures of yourself in all these new outfits you're buying and put them on your blog so that I can see them. I bet you're quite a dapper fellow.

By telling me you're old enough to be my father, you're not telling me a whole lot! All you're saying is that you're at least... 48 years old? You could be anything in between 48 and 110! Do I get another clue?

Sophia said...

Aspiringservant9,

Your comment is so lovely!

I know one thing for sure, whoever or whatever put this need here is really wanting to be found out!

I hope you have a lovely day. Your smile is beautiful.

Mossy said...

Hello Sophia,

I am glad that you are feeling better. It must be hard catching up on all of the responses to comments.

I have not done meditation for many years, though I found it very satisfying. Instead of meditation now whenever I remember(like now) I try to be aware of myself and what I am doing. This can happen under any circumstances but it happens much more at certain times such as when I am driving or taking a walk.

Too bad about the freckle. :(

Sophia said...

Hi Mossy,

It's not hard to catch-up. It's something I really enjoy doing!

It seems the only time I really am aware of what I'm doing is when I see you mention it in your comments. I need to work on that.

By the way, have you examined your toes to see if you have a freckle?

Mossy said...

You have a gift for enjoying almost everyone. Someday I will too but I have to continue to work at it.

Yes reminders are essential. You can create your own reminders like; try to be aware of yourself the next time you pass through a door. Even if you fail you receive something.

Well, no I had never examined my feet specifically for freckles. Now I have and it seems that I have none.

Sophia said...

Mossy,

People complete me. I only wish I were this social in real life.

I will have to give that walking-through-the-door thing a try. Maybe it will even inspire me to renew my old project - the one where I promised to list an interesting sound that I heard each day. Naturally I had to be more aware of sounds in order to accomplish this. I found some interesting sounds, and it was a fun experiment. I don't know why I stopped. Maybe because it required work, and I am lazy.

Maybe people with freckles on their toes are really hard to find. I'd go around looking, but people might think I'm strange. hehee!