I've had four days off from work, and all four of them have been busy days! I haven't had much time to spend online. Saturday morning we went to bury my friend's cat. The owner is mentally ill and can not do these things herself. The ground was very hard because of the drought we've been having, so digging was difficult. Sunday I was exhausted so I spent a lot of time resting. Tonight, I'm going to be backing up my hard drive to a new external hard drive I bought today. I need to do this because my computer is slowing down and I need to format the hard drive and start over.
Tomorrow I'm back to work, and I doubt I'll have anything to work on, so I'll have all day to get caught up on comments and a couple of emails I need to send.
Please wait for me!
20 comments:
Synchronicity
My manager came to see me
a week ago. I was online
So I turned off the monitor
before answering the door.
He came in and looked around
and soon I started talking.
I told him I didn't mean
to stay at home and stay away;
I wanted to keep working
no matter what people say.
I told him I was planning
to see my new house doctor
to find out what was wrong.
Altho I already knew exactly:
I had been thinking too much
and worrying a lot about me.
But sometimes or often I needed
To tell everyone what I thought.
Once in a while he would stop me
and tell me what needed to be done.
I heard each word he had to say;
my mind was as clear as day.
He told me I needed to see
a social worker to help me
and to give me some advice.
No, nothing wrong with that,
I knew I always needed one;
I might have to see one soon.
And it was fine with me as long
as I didn't have to travel far.
I wondered what she looked like
but that's not important at all;
she might have to see me at home.
Sophia, that's her real name,
came to see me this afternoon.
She's a beauty, young and sexy.
She's half-Yugoslavic, thin.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
I didn't ask any questions
and eagerly I let her in.
She's suppose to help me
solve some of my problems,
which could be anything.
Well, she's like an all-round
troubleshooter, and I could see
she meant business and was ready.
I didn't want to look at her
straight into her dark eyes
as I might offend her.
She's after all a good one;
she might think I'se trying
to charm or seduce her.
Yes, I really liked her
she's sweet and kind and eager
to help me with anything.
She's full of compassion too.
I didn't want to insult her
so I finally looked deeply
into her eyes. Our eyes met
and locked for a moment.
Well, she's real and human
and I could use some advice.
She's going to be my attorney.
Sophia, take your time!;>)
Sounds like there is a lesson to be learned here about the .."little things" in life...
:)
Hi Sigurd,
Sometimes it's good to say, "I need help." Some things we can't overcome ourselves. That's where friends and social workers come in. Heck, I've got a psychologist and a psychiatrist. The psychologist/social worker works with me through psychotherapy to help me overcome my episodes of depression, and my psychiatrist work with the chemical/drug aspect of my treatment. When I started to suffer too much from OCD in 2001, I knew I needed help and that I couldn't do it alone. 2004 rolled around and I started to have depression. Well, I needed the help of many kind souls.
The biggest worry on my mind went something like this: "Will people look at me differently knowing that I have a mental illness?" I was so afraid that people would think I was insane, but, with the exception of one person, everyone treated me with the same respect they did before I developed these two illnesses. That one person was, sadly, my best friend who I had spent time with all throughout college and even after graduation we were close. In 2004 when the episodes of depression started, she disappeared from my life. I guess she couldn't handle it. Some people have fears of these things because it appears there are stigmas attached to them. When I was younger I might have looked differently at people who have what I have now. But now I am much more understanding.
Anyway, I got off track. What I'm trying to say is, it's good that you're accepting help. It really will help speed-up your recovery. No one should face these things alone.
It's none of my business, but are you finding that you're spending more and more time alone in your apartment? Do you have social anxiety? You can tell me, because I am quite a little home-body, and I also have social anxiety. Thank God for the Internet, because it lets me have something like a social life. :)
Hi Jon,
I think it's actually quite a relief that I got involved in these little things. I've been so much in my head lately, that I had forgotten about the mundane things in life. So, this weekend I took a break from the Internet/spiritual and did things that needed to be done. Of course, if those things didn't have to be done, I would have much rather spent my time on the Internet and seeking. :)
Sophia,
Yes, I guess you are right.
But actually I am having some conflict with my boss and other people at work. They tend to bully and intimidate people around. And I ended up bullying them. They don't like it so now they are complaining. My boss called my manager and said I was going crazy or sick. And my manager put me on sick leave, with my cooperation. So he sent somebody to look into my personal and professional matters.
Also, Sophia, the social worker, was very sympathetic and thought that I had the right to complain, the way some people are treating me. Well, I used to be afraid of this but now I think I 've got a better insight into how things are being carried out here. It's a labor situation or problem.
And a battle of nerves. I'm prepared for anything. I don't lose my mind easily.
Thanks for your concern.
I'm really happy that things are is going the way they do. At least I have time to rest and recover from my own personal problems. However, I also need help with certain things like coping with "my new-found freedom".
And yes of course I am alone most of the time. Especially now that I am on sick leave. But don't worry, I will manage.
Next week, I hope to receive my son and his friends. This means I have to look after them for a week or two, during their school break. I don't know if this is easy. Well, it's not. Because I have to make sure they have enough to eat and that they don't roam around and commit some mischiefs. ;>)
Ï've also been trying to find out certain things about a number of "spiritual teachers" and gurus, hoping to learn from their mistakes. Why they end up becoming sociopaths and antisocial. Right I'm following up a local "zen teacher" who is giving online and offline lessons on zen. I've been trying to warn him of possible entanglements and eventual public disgrace if he keeps attracting attention. Right now he has a few you tube videos. He is also endorsing a number of these infamous and insolent "gurus".
Hell is training!!!
Hi Sigurd/Anonymous,
Does your country have something like our Social Security Disability, in case you end up not being well enough to work?
How long has this been going on at your present job, and has it happened at other jobs in the past?
Why do you need help coping with your new-found freedom? I'd love to have freedom!
There are indeed some spiritual teachers out there that I don't think I could trust, just based on things written about them on the Internet. Some that I think I want to avoid are Andrew Cohen and Adi Da. For instance, to get the dirt on Andrew Cohen, all one has to do is visit this page:
http://whatenlightenment.blogspot.com/
Some of the best spiritual teachers I've seen are just regular people like you and me, people who live privately, some poorly, and some of these people who visit my blog. I consider them spiritual teachers.
Sophia,
As a matter of fact we do. But it is not easy to qualify for disability if you know what I mean. You will have to go thru a lot of medical tests before you will be pronounced disabled. Well, this is quite understandable because it means they will be losing manpower and they will have to support you for the rest of your life.
I also do not intend to be pronounced sick for the rest of my life, physically or mentally. Of course a lot of people would like to qualify.
The bullying has been going on in the same company for quite some time. And people were expected to endure or tolerate it as far as it didn't become physical. If you didn't, people thought you are too sensitive or weak. It's probably cultural. The situation seems to be improving tho because people are becoming more aware of their rights. I wanted to complain a few years ago but I didn't want certain people to become disadvantaged because of a complaint. I decided not to go all the way. But people got some warning.
Well, it's not happening to me alone. And at present our department is not performing well due to absentism and poor planning and the workers get blamed for it. Our supervisor have been sick and is on sick leave most of the time.
I have very little to say on how people run the group because I happen to be working for an engineering bureau that sends people to help companies on a temporary basis in construction, commissioning and maintenance projects or contracts. And I have a separate manager and an administrative assistant to take care of my career or job opportunities.
About freedom:
I don't know but I think I had a lot of problems dealing with my new way of life. And especially people around me. Many people seem to resent the way I handle every situation and the way I carry myself. It's probably my confidence and independence. It's not very easy to explain.
I seem to have become a very different person. I didn't become a proud or arrogant person; I just tend to speak my mind all the time. Altho jokingly most of the time for fear of being labeled cocky.
And people tend to misinterpret me.
Well, I wish I could be more direct about this without sounding conceited so I just have to stop now.
I also have the feeling that circumstances are forcing me to start something new. I am not a prophet so I really cannot tell you the future. It's like things are getting out of hand and I don't seem to have any choice. It's like eventually I may have to lose everything and hopefully gain everything back.
Anyway I'm not happy with the way people are running the company. I hope to be transfered if possible.
If I had a choice I will just keep going on. No matter how difficult.
But of course, I really have other possibilities, which I won't tell you yet.
I feel like a fly on the wall, very interesting conversations, very interesting people, wonder what they taste like?
Just joking, unless of course I was a real fly, then I might just bite, but whoa, who first?
Lot of pressure in being a fly!
Love and bites to all.
Sophia,
check out my post called growth or depression. It's actually about my wife (don't tell her!!) and her problems with depression, chemical imbalance and the effects there of. I probably didn't do a good job explaining it....let me know if it sounds familiar.
By the way, I think we all have some form of "mental illnes"...thats just short for "human". On the other hand, it can sometimes overwhelm you. I think it happens more often if we dwell on it. Remember, I used to dwell on the negatives and it turned me into a negative thinker. Now, I just plain don't think about it...neg or pos...I just am!
I've also noticed that women seem to experience depression more than men. I think it's because of the biological difference between the two bodies. Not better nor worse, just the difference. Of course, the side effect of womens biological makeup is the suspectability? to depression and mood swings. On the whole, though, I think women actually have a better, more in tune, make up than most men (not me, of course-I'm a 22nd century man!!)
enough babbling...
Sophie,
to Sig.:
Sig don't worry so much about what other people "think". Remember, you can only control your self, not others. Just "ACCEPT YOURSELF" as YOU BE(assuming you are a good person in heart)and don't give a hoot about what others think about you. They don't REALLY know you. I bet the ones who really know you, who really luv you, think your a great person. Let it be.
Also, quit your job. Plain and simple. Leave it. The money is not worth the problems it is causing you. YOU are more important than money. I have found out that things work out just fine, better probably, in the long run if you put your mental health on top of your priority list. This could also actually be a sign from within you to make change and to stop worrying. Don't be afraid of change, even though we actually all are...Think Long Term...and don't put a $$ value on your health.
Worry too much? Think about the past. How many times in the past did you worry about something, about how something "bad" might happen and it never did? Seeee? Worry is one of our minds worst enemies. Let it go. Whatever happens will happen. Shit happens. You can deal with it. Let it go. Let it be...come on, sing it together now.."let it be, oh let it be..."
Get my message? Life is only as hard as we make it. Don't make it harder.
Enough babbling again!!....Sorry Sophia
Jon be me,
Well yes! But I need money to stay alive. I can't live on my savings. It's not enough.
Well, you need to be practical. Meditation won't help you if you are hungry and cold.
After enlightenment, you still need to do the laundry. That's what Sophia has been trying to tell us.
And of course the good thing about being sick is that they can't fire you. No earthly power will allow this;>) So I might as well stay sick for a while.
Come to think of it, make sure you let the company pay for your treatment.
And don't allow them to drug or medicate you and force you to work. This happens a lot. Use you human wisdom. Thank you for your advice. Much appreciated.
To the anonymous Fly,
You'll find quite a diverse diet here, I assure you! Just sample them all and find out which one you favor. I don't know if they swat flies around here or not, so be careful. I know I don't. Flies are divine.
Jon be me,
Thank you. I will visit and read your post. Sorry it's taken me five days to respond. I've had various other sorts of life-related things to deal with. Then again, everything is life-related. You get the picture.
Jon,
You can babble all you like. :) After all, I do.
A good friend of mine recently told me that people who say they are babbling don't believe that what they've said is important. He said this in response to my saying, "OK, enough of my babbling, now."
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