Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The UnPoem, June 26, 2007

I call this an "UnPoem", because it has no form, nor does it follow any strict guidelines, or rules. It also doesn't rhyme. It's just me trying to put words to something I feel. It's very simple.

I want to see you,
But I do not even know your name.
Sometimes it seems like there are a thousand paths,
But I know only one will unite us.
Please show me the way.


rudi said...

But what if there isn't even a 'path'? What if the 'way' to Unity is NOT a (progressive) path? Krishnamurti (I think) called it a 'path from here to Here' (a kind of UnPath :-)

Your yearning is for connection with your Essence, your True Heart, which is Love. Love is 'pure being' (i.e. the essence of all that 'is'), or 'pure existence' (i.e. the essence of all that 'exists'), or 'pure feeling'. Although beyond words, it is often described as deep peace, cognisant stillness, silent awareness, aliveness. It can only be found here and now, because it is the 'Here and Now'. In other words, the very notion of a 'path' negates it.

Sophia said...

How to get rid of the yearning, then?

To think I once mistook the love of men for the love of the Universe. It's a long history, but parts of my life were stained with attempts at finding love, and confusing physical pleasure for what only the divine can offer.

I would like to someday know peace. Satisfaction of a hunger is what I would like to achieve. I can not acheive peace until I get answers. It's not just the name of the Universe that I'm looking for, it's the origins, and the natures, and the reasons. All I have to ask is why, why, why?

Worry not, however, because I think I am getting closer every day.

rudi said...

Yes, I understand. But what if it works the other way round? What if peace is already here and is merely overlooked? What if this peace is the answer to all your questions, and not the 'finding of answers' the way to peace? However counter-intuitive this may feel to you?

There is no way to happiness.
Happiness is the way.

-The Buddha

Sophia said...

From October or November of last year until around February of this year I basically was just being. I mean, I wasn't searching or digging for anything, or trying to find ways to have mystical experiences. I had just put my journey behind me, not even consciously. It just happened. One would be tempted to call that peace, because I was just living a daily normal life. If that was peace, though, then why did I feel the need to come back to what I am doing now? In peace, there should be no need. One could say I was happy. I had a smile on my face, and I ate breakfast and went to work and ate lunch and went home and had dinner and went to sleep every day. That was life for a few months. I was content. Then February of this year, and "The Need" came back.

I can't complain too much, though. Like I told a good friend of mine, at least when the need is here, I'm not bored because I'm spending all my free time trying to find the answers, even if they are not accessible or are already here and invisible to my eyes. This search for meaning gives me something to do. We can call it a hobby. It was either this or collecting stamps.... :)

I see what you're saying though. The Buddha was a wise man and I'm no one to argue with the Buddha. I guess some people are just satisfied with things the way they are, and without having to know the reasons behind everything. Some people don't have to see the puppeteer to enjoy the play.

By the way, thanks for the visit. It's been a while since I've seen you. I hope you've been doing well.

goatman said...

I think that that is considered free verse. Doesn't have to rhyme or have a specific structure, just has to attempt to relate the feeling/thought/scent/zeitgeist.
I have recently understood some poetry to be "half a bubble off level" so to speak. Doesn't come right out and say it, necessarily. One must nudge up against it, see it from an angle thru the haze, and perhaps understand at least a part of what is intended. Which may be as much a feeling as a thought.

Anonymous said...

There is verse. And there is poetry. And often prose is the better poetry.

mossy said...

Perhaps this is a way of finding ourselves, to write down what is in our hearts in a beautiful way. I feel privileged to have this peek into your heart, almost without thoughts.

Sophia said...

Goatman, I've noticed that some poetry seems to come from the world of the writer only. Sometimes I don't or can't understand it, so I just acknowledge that they are writing from something they feel in their viewpoint. It might be secret, or something that will never be understood by another person's consciousness, so they just write words trying to describe something they've felt that can't be described using words. Hehehe.... I feel this way about Shakespeare, too. I used to feel frustrated that I couldn't understand him, but then I gave up and just came to terms with the fact that not all people were born to understand poetry.

Sophia said...

Anonymous, I do tend to agree with you. Sometimes poetry has such strict standards that oftentimes the poet has to rearrange words just to follow the rules. This gives it an "on purpose" type of feel to it, instead of spontaneous and from-the-heart.

Sophia said...

Thank you, Mossy. It's possible that in the future I'll decide to write more. I just feel so terribly self-conscious when I write poetry, that maybe I sound like a child. I wish I could be more self-expressive, and in a more mature way, too. Sometimes I'm too simple.

In the past, I wrote some very interesting poetry, and I was guided by a force that I cannot explain, but unfortunately it was misdirected into poetry that was too mundane and spoke of human wants and desires, even of the flesh. I deleted all my files of poetry. I suppose you can say I wanted to start with a clean slate.

jim said...

I like it very much...you are truly wonderful and always will be..a fine friend of old.

Sophia said...

Thank you for your kind words, Mr. Jim. :)

Vincent said...

The love of men (or shall I say the opposite sex) is a lot less dangerous than devotion to a so-called Master, in my experience. but I like your unpoem because it does not specify who you are looking for. And why should you? The yearning for what you have not known can not specify what will satisfy it.

I like this kind of blog where some of the key content is in the comments and additions

Sophia said...

Hi Vincent, thank you for your visit. I completely agree with you. It can be dangerous to devote onself to a guru, spiritual teacher, mentor or Master. Some people are frauds, and looking specifically for devotion, instead of looking to bring the student closer to the divine. Some people are weak and therefore can be very inclined to make a bad decision about who to allow to bring them closer to the unnamed. I think therefore, that it is a necessity that one should devote a lot of time not only testing, but getting to know someone before they call them Teacher, or Guru. I don't have them on my site, but there are some signs to look for when trying out a teacher for size. I have had many people contact me claiming to be teachers, but only a very small number of them have brought me spiritual experiences or helped me grow. I have to rely on my intuition when it comes down to who I should trust. When I know someone is a Teacher, they are like my best friend, and someone I trust with all of my secrets. Strangely enough, those that I would trust my life with, have never asked me for a penny in return. I can check out their motives this way. If they are purely money driven, then normally I am turned off.

At this point, I have someone who I would call a spiritual teacher. (I just experienced deja vu....) I do not think he would call himself my teacher, or even respond to my calling him my teacher, but deep in my heart I know he was put here to teach me something. I'm trying to give him a break, though, because I think I can be too much for him. Basically I talk too much. :)

I like blogs and sometimes even forums where there is a lot of interpersonal action. Communication is very important to me.

Thanks so much for your visit and your comment, Vincent! It is a pleasure to meet you.

rudi said...

Sophia said...

"One would be tempted to call that peace, because I was just living a daily normal life. If that was peace, though, then why did I feel the need to come back to what I am doing now? In peace, there should be no need".

Exactly. What you are talking about here is relative peace; the experience of peace; being in a peaceful state - but this kind of peace comes and goes, like all states and experiences. What Buddha discovered was Absolute Peace, ever-present Peace, Life itself. Relative peace feels like turmoil to someone like Buddha since buddhahood is pure feeling, pure intuition, pure awareness, pure intelligence and pure fulfillment - in it the slightest sense of restlessness in the depth of the sub-conscious mind is registered like an earth quake.

"Some people don't have to see the puppeteer to enjoy the play".

It is quite natural that the seeking should continue until the secret of Life (i.e. the puppeteer and the script of the play) has been found. It's just that everybody who has ever found it reports that Life is the same as Peace ("Peace that passeth all understanding" ) - in it you know nothing, and nothing needs to be known, and yet all is known. A mystery.

Why are you so afraid of silence,
silence is the root of everything.
If you spiral into its void
a hundred voices will thunder messages
you long to hear.

Rumi (Hidden Music)

Sophia said...

Hi Rudi,

Thank you. Absolute peace, then, is something I don't think I've ever experienced. I have experienced joy, and bliss, but they did not last. I keep looking for repeats of those experiences. Somehow I suppose that when one is in absolute peace, they no longer look for bliss and joy, because they are content. Is finding absolute peace as easy as turning a switch on or off? Wait a second, is absolute peace already here? I think you'll tell me that I'm already absolute peace, but what do I have to do to realize it? Then I think you'll tell me there's nothing I have to do. Why do people like me have to intellectualize these things? Why must I try so hard to make sense of them?

Rudi, did you go through a period like this where all you had were questions and all you wanted were more and more answers?

I appreciate your patience. I know so many questions could probably drive a person nuts. Unfortunately I ask too many of them.

I was thinking about the poem you posted, about being afraid of silence. I find silence boring. It seems I always have to find things to do or say in order to avoid silence. In other words, I'm very fidgety. Maybe I should start meditating again.

rudi said...

Sophia said...

"... did you go through a period like this where all you had were questions and all you wanted were more and more answers?"

Yes. Until I discovered that the spectacles I had been looking for were in fact sitting on my nose, exactly where they should be, and that the entire search had been conducted through them. In other words, the search was based on a misunderstanding, was beside the point and was bound to end in disillusionment - and yet it was unavoidable and (in that sense) necessary.

N Maharaj describes it as follows: "Unless you make tremendous efforts, you will not be convinced that effort will take you nowhere. The self is so self-confident that unless it is totally discouraged it will not give up. Mere verbal conviction is not enough. Hard facts alone can show the absolute nothingness of the self-image."

This phenomenon is also known as the 'cosmic joke' (admittedly not a very funny one until one get's the punchline).

"I was thinking about the poem you posted, about being afraid of silence. I find silence boring".

'Boredom' is not a feeling as such, it's more a conclusion the mind reaches after 'judging' a situation - in this case, it serves as a justification for not diving into the silence and experiencing it to the full. There is an emotional force controlling all this - deep down the mind knows full well that Absolute Stillness and 'mind' cannot co-exist, and so it does everything in it's power to avoid it (until the longing to connect with the Source is stronger than the fear of annihilation).