Thursday, March 4, 2010

To Water a Bonsai Tree

Oh how I wish I could remember last night's dream. Something tells me it was probably one of the best dreams I've ever had. Tonight I still feel some emotional bond with this dream. It's strange that I can't remember many of the details but have this emotional connection to it.

Here are some notes I wanted to write down regarding what few memories I do have.

I am a student of a spiritual teacher. He lives alone in the mountains. I think he also teaches some kind of martial art. He rewards me for my progress by giving me the daily chore of watering a giant bonsai tree. It is a great responsibility. In my dream, this "giant bonsai tree" was much bigger than a bonsai tree, but much smaller than a normal tree. It was about the size of a shrub. It was potted. There were scarab beetles in the black soil.

If I remember correctly, I was supposed to water it every day, yet I was distracted by socializing with friends so that I neglected to water it for two days. When I remembered, I was worried that I had killed it.

What, oh what, is the meaning of this dream? I do not socialize much, although I have a habit of using Facebook too much. Perhaps it is distracting me from my spiritual journey. Indeed, it is. I spend too much time keeping up with the mundane lives of people from my past, people who have no interest in spirituality, people who can often be quite negative, people who are very attached to the material realm or objects of possession or money, sex, etc. Facebook is not doing much to place me further along the path, although that is where some of the Rosicrucian groups are. I think my problem is that I have 300+ friends, a large majority of whom I went to school with.

Sometimes I feel sad that there is no one out there that understands me or knows me while at the same time has the same interests as me. No such person exists - only myself. I am far too eccentric for most of the people on this planet. I think the teacher in the dream is the only one who knows me down to the bone. Wouldn't it be nice to trust someone to the extent that I trusted the teacher? More and more as time goes on, I push people further and further away. I hide more and more from the outside world. I desire to be mostly alone. The teacher - I let him down by failing to water the bonsai.


boris said...

Dear Sophia,
It is great to see you back! :)
You haven't ever let your teacher down.
You had been assigned a task that required certain dedication and you didn't do your task for two days. However, this has not affected the nature and order of the things. It just has provided you an awareness that allows you to appreciate the possible consequences of your actions.
The beetles are a symbol of Wisdom in the ancient Egypt and you are watching the wisdom around you...
There is no conflict between a spiritual life and the mundane life. Observe the wisdom that even the simplest things can teach you. Appreciate how the most spiritual and advanced beings are still human!
Trust yourself and you will find others that you can trust as well. You are not alone...
All the best!

Sophia said...

Hi Boris,

Perhaps I came across as an elitist. It's not that I think everyone is mundane, but so many people want to gossip, say mean things about other people, etc. I am far from perfect myself but I want to surround myself with people who don't waste time - we're souls on a very important journey and I think this life is the best chance we have to improve ourselves. I fear that by socializing with unauthentic people I am keeping myself in a rut.

Don said...


What is your decision procedure for determining if someone is authentic or not? Authentic can have a lot of different interpretations.

Sophia said...

It is hard to describe an authentic person. It's more a feeling I have when I am around someone who is not. It's a poisoned feeling, very uncomfortable.

I blame it on ignorance or unawareness.

I feel like I'm supposed to accept and love everyone as they are yet I feel that by spending too much of my time with them I am bringing myself down.

I don't like gossip, small-mindedness or judgmental. I like loving kindness, acceptance, friendliness, openness, honesty, genuineness, caring, goodness, character.

I get really uncomfortable when I am sitting amongst people who start to gossip about someone. I don't know what to do or say in that situation. I feel like I badly need to escape. It's sad but even people very very close to me cause me to feel this way sometimes.

Sophia said...

I wish I was aggressive enough to tell people to stop, but I am not that way. I am timid in these situations. I have to wear my mundane-personality-mask when I am around most people.

Don said...


I'm most ill at ease around people who go the negative route, criticizing, someone whose manner is "I m going to make myself feel good by making you feel bad." But it's usually a self-correcting situation. We separate and don't communicate.

Don said...

I've seen having friends compared to the way a gas composed of molecules works. You constantly encounter other people. Some you form an attachment with, others pass right on by, very likely never to be seen again. Some pairings are strong and last a long time, but any of them if stressed enough will dissociate. Once dissociation occurs, there is a chance of getting back together, but the farther the dissociation, the less likely it is. And as with gas molecules, there are many, many potential friends out there.

Donstockbauer **at**

Sophia said...

Hi Don,

What comes to mind is this:

You can't know anyone until you know yourself.

Just getting to know oneself can take years. I feel like that's the adventure I'm on at the present moment. If I live long enough, I figure there will be plenty of time for me to start to get to know others. I hope that I will be able to help someone on their own path when I am around 60.

But, the most important thing is befriending yourself and feeling comfortable with yourself. I guess if we know ourselves well enough, we would never be lonely again even when alone.

There is so much more to us than we know.

Don said...

I think one can both learn about themselves and help others at the same time. You helped me several years ago by giving me advice about dating. You didn't have to wait until you were 60. Maybe helping others accelerates knowing oneself by the life experience it provides. Just anothrr opinion.

donstockbauer **at**

Boris said...

You are right. It doesn't make any sense to be surrounded by negative people, wanting to gossip. In order to surround yourself with people who think, feel and behave like you, just follow your heart. Do what you really want to do. You will find yourself eventualy at the right place, surrounded by the people that makes sense in your life.
All the best,

goatman said...

I have never understood why you need some other to know yourself?

Don said...

Perhaps one should adopt the inclusive OR and gain knowledge both from oneself (self-reference, self-awareness) AND gain knowledge from others, PLUS gain knowledge from the EXCLUDED MIDDLE as an effective heuristic.

donstockbauer **at**

Don said...

Or just request your FBI file.

Just think of J. Edgar sitting there, looking at someone's file and singing "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you...."

I recently rented a DVD and it had all the FBI "Don't copy this or we'll do nasty things to you" warnings and they had a pic of J. Edgar there and they drew some animated glasses on him, and a little goatee and such. Maybe there's hope for us.

Sophia said...

Hi Boris - Hope you've been doing well. It's spring so I guess we're all doing well. :) It's time to come out of hibernation.

Sophia said...

Hi Goatman,

I'm not sure. Maybe it has something to do with projection. There's probably some kind of psychological theory. I guess others serve as mirrors.