Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Dream Date May 8, 2007

I am disappointed because my boss is going into the personal records of another employee and increasing the number of years that employee has worked at my place of work.  He is typing into the computer, under the number of years worked at this establishment, the number "31".  This bothers me because now that he has lied about this employee, it appears that this employee has worked longer at our job and therefore will be chosen first when it comes time to promote someone.  If he had not lied, I would have been the next employee to be promoted.

By "promoted", I do not mean given a higher position, I mean given a permanent status.  In real life, I am only on contract, and not a permanent employee, though it is in my dreams to become a permanent employee.  I've been with them almost five years.

I think this dream stems from my jealousy over the newer and younger employees.  I feel that they are getting more attention than me, when in the past I have always been complimented and rewarded for working diligently.  In fact, one time, when I was sick and had to miss a month of work, my boss asked my husband if  he was "losing his best employee".  It is not so much the attention I am jealous of, it is my fear that my authority figures will bond with the new employees and pull strings to get them hired at a permanent status, when chances are in a couple of years my contract will run out and I will be jobless.

It is not very flattering that I am given to feeling this way.  I have much room for improvement.  Sometimes I pride myself on being someone who is not given to talking negatively about other people.  I pride myself on being a "rumor stopper", meaning that if someone tells me a rumor, I let it stop with me.  I don't spread them.  I should not feel pride on being a "good person", when in fact I have flaws that need to be worked on.

I am imperfect.  Thank you, Universe, for letting me see that.  I know that You will provide for me if ever I am in need.

25 comments:

jim said...

Rumor stopping is one of the BEST things a person can do!

Good luck with that job stuff, hang in there.

Love and Peace to you Sophia.

pythagoras said...

I used to be afraid of losing my job. And I didn't know it. Now that I know, I'm still afraid of losing my job. However, it doesn't prevent me from teaching younger people everything I know; I am not worried about losing to the competition. Altho some people are just too young to realize there is more to life than working and competing. It pays to have a bigger and wider world and to have something that could be more important.
Perhaps the number 31 means something to you. Look out for number 31. It could be worse than number 13. Especially Friday the 31th.

Chris said...
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pythagoras said...

One stops the rumour by not showing any signs of their truth.
Usually people will look for signals to prove their reality. If one doesn't show any, they will forget about it. So I guess the best way to stop rumour is not to believe it and completely forget about it. This applies especially to gossips about oneself.
Then one will have plenty of energy and time to devote to what is at hand. What really matters. Forget personal ambitions. But if you have any, be fair to everyone.

Chris said...
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pythagoras said...

Confuse them.

Chris said...
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pythagoras said...

Confusion is loss of confidence. If people lose it they will be incapable of any harm. Their social anxiety will surely become worse. And you will have nothing to worry about after that.
However, show some compassion. ;>)

pythagoras said...

There is a subtle way of doing this. Pretend you are enlightened. It will improve your self-esteem. But don't brag about it.

pythagoras said...

Above all be kind. These people are useless.

Chris said...
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pythagoras said...

You can never tell.
About people being useless, just kidding.
I think self-esteem is very important. And feeling good about yourself. If you want to prevent or cope with social anxiety.
Forget about enlightenment.
Take care.

Chris said...
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pythagoras said...

Forget about killing your ego. You can never kill it. The ego will kill the body but not iself. Don't fight it. Be kind to yourself.
My idea. But what do you think?

Chris said...
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pythagoras said...

Interesting experiences and insights! Altho I am reluctant to add anything, let me just tell you what I think.
Personally I do not see the ego as something separate from me or myself. I am my ego, no matter how selfish or enlightened it could be. I am or it is a child of society, it's beliefs, cultures, traditions, religions, superstitions, knowledge, histories, and experiences. I am this and I don't disown or deny all this. No matter how imperfect it or I might be, I have to live with it. Knowing that I am being transformed everyday. Thru compassion and awareness.
Knowing I, the society or the world is not perfect, I hope to be enlightened or to think and act in an enlightened way. No matter how weak my intentions could be and little my efforts are. This I try to do by being aware of myself and the world. Without becoming self-conscious and self-absorbed. Without becoming attached to my attempts, activities and results.
And without any ambitions to aggrandize myself thru my thoughts and actions. And realize that this is not easy and that I am falsely humble and not as perfect as I imagine myself to be. I am this and I have to live with it.

Chris said...
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pythagoras said...

Yes, we all have our ways of dealing with reality, which is what we are in reality.
Life is shot at us pointblank. And we have no choice but to die while trying to survive. Whatever that means.

Sophia said...

Hi Jim,

It's nice to have you here. Glad you're back. We have a lot of catching up to do. You've been missed.

Sophia said...

Hi Pythagoras,

Sorry I haven't responded in a few days... like seven days? Has it really been a week? I had one of those humps to go over, that included days of feeling overly tired, kind of blue for no reason, and unmotivated. I hope the depression isn't coming back. It might just be a woman thing, at least I hope it is. We'll see.

31 is 13 backwards. I don't really have any bad-luck numbers. I'm not as superstitious as that, I guess. I was born on the 13th, so it is kind of my lucky number.

Hope you've had a nice week. Sorry again for being incommunicado.

Sophia said...

Hi Chris, once outside them one may find themselves the target! I guess that is still better than participating, though.

I remember a couple years ago I went out to eat with people at work, and we started talking about someone that used to work here. After it was over, I felt guilty. It was like someone was watching me and judging me for doing something immoral. Maybe the watcher is really myself, I don't know. Could it be God? At this point in time I do not know who or what God is, but I'm trying to figure it out.

Sophia said...

Chris and Pythagoras, I thought of something else. At one point in my recent life I had the idea that I should get rid of everyone in my life that releases negative energy. Rumormongers are DEFINITELY guilty of releasing negative energy. But then I thought, "Have I not released negative energy at different points in my life?" The answer is, yes I have. I've released negative energy, and for the most part, people have not abandoned me for it. I don't know that I could abandon those already in my life circle. I can certainly keep from befriending negative people, but if I determine that one of my current friends releases negative energy, I should just try my best not to be brought down by it and hope that my own positive energy will neutralize it or over-ride it in some way.

Sophia said...

I tried for a while to kill the ego. I gave-up, though. Maybe I just decided to go with the flow of life, and somehow trying so hard to kill or stop something seemed to go against the flow. It was like swimming into the current instead of with it. Life gave me this ego for some reason, so surely it must serve some purpose?

Anyway, I haven't decided yet if it is or is not useful to hold on to the ego. Just like I haven't decided yet who or what God or the Universe is. Will I ever know?

Right now, life is about the journey. It's about the exploration. I sometimes think that if I knew all the answers, I'd quit looking so hard and then I'd be bored. Looking gives me something to do.

Chris said...
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Joe said...

Hi Sophia,
Job situations are really off the wall in today's world. I feel so fortunate to be an old guy who doesn't have to work. Otherwise, I'd be panicy. The place I currently contract at just opened positions for contractors to become permanent. I was toying with doing this so I put in an application to reserve right of first refusal. On the day I had my interview, the news came out that the parent company was being purchased by Blackstone Group - a rape and pillage outfit that buys companies, guts them and then sells them (remember the movies Other Peoples Money and Greed?). Guess who looses? The employees. I just take it as a message from the universe to quit fiddling with this. The current contract dropped out of nowhere on me, it can just as easily disappear into nowhere. It doesn't define me - it just happens to be a format for what the universe wants me to do today. I know it's not much comfort, but the universe really does have your best interests at heart. Try and relax into that idea and use it to invoke the tools you have been introduced to in The Secret. As always, the best to you Sophia.