Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Here It Is

I have too many posts already... but they are old.... this one is new.  Here you will find mostly a stream-of-consciousness.  Hopefully you will like most of my thoughts; some you won't.

Hello familiar friends and strange friends.  Would it sound too new-agey if I said there are no strangers?

I am bored, with a lot on my mind.  I can't promise an orderly arrangement on this blog, just thoughts being thrown out into the Internet Wild, hoping they will be caught by a reader or two.  Or maybe I just need to say things for the sake of saying them.

On with the show.

One thing I've noticed we learn as adults is that we're not important as we once thought we were in youth.  It's because the world grows as we age.  At 35 years old I miss the beaming smiles of teachers as they put gold stars on my homework.  Yep, teachers gave wonderful pats-on-the-back.  Something I have learned is that there aren't many out there giving me the metaphorical "gold star" anymore.  Well, some do, but the numbers have dwindled.  This is something I miss.  I enjoyed being made to feel special.  Life teaches some hard lessons.

I don't like not being rich.  I want to come across a large amount of money so I can pay my bills and buy things like the camera I've been drooling over.  I hate being poor and wish a millionaire would tell me that today is my lucky day, that I can move out of the government subsidized apartment complex where the cops are frequently seen because who-knows-what goes on here.  The odds of winning the lottery are nearly microscopic, so I'm not even going to play.

I used to have a job with a good income until I got sick.  I went from being middle-class to lower-class.  Sisyphus' rock tumbled down but it doesn't seem to be going back up.  Yet, the Damoclean sword probably hangs over all our heads, for even I am certainly more fortunate than many in this world.

Even though I got sick, my life has more meaning than it did in the past.  I finally got over a bump that was holding me back in life.  Now I am freer than I was, and hopefully someday I'll be freer than I am now.  Life is a growth process.  Some days it seems like my seed is dormant, and others I grow like a weed.


Mark Walter said...

I am glad to hear you are feeling better. :)

Sophia said...

Health-wise, I am doing worse, but happiness-wise, I am doing better. I was stuck in a marriage with a man I did not love for 13 years. Now I am with a man that I truly love and I am free to be myself. He has no jealousy/possessive/controlling issues and it is so nice. I love him so much. I finally figured out what it means to be happy in love. I was too young to marry my first husband. He was 50 and I was 18. I was in a hurry to get out of an unhappy home. I was miserable for so many years, and you can probably remember some of my stories. Now I feel like a bird flying in the sky with no limits. It's amazing how much love has to do with one's journey in life.

Mark Walter said...

I separated from my wife in 2007, moved from Virginia to Southern CA, where I live and am in a relationship. My two sons remain back in VA. I see them fairly often.

I really glad things have improved for you. I understand it's no cakewalk... I get that - but it's good to hear that you are feeling better about things. I'm sorry you're health is suffering. It can make the days and nights tough, in a lot of ways.

Graal baum said...

all power to you Sophia...
keep strong and happy, be who you truly are.

I am the Invisible One within the All. It is I who counsel those who are hidden,
since I know the All that exists in it. I am numberless beyond everyone.
I am immeasurable, ineffable, yet whenever I wish,
I shall reveal myself of my own accord. I am the head of the All.
I exist before the All, and I am the All, since I exist in everyone.

Sophia said...

Big changes.... At the moment I have so much energy moving through me that I don't even know what to do with it all.

I'm thinking about picking-up blogging again.

Facebook is fun, but is the world of blogging gone?

Life is good.

toasterface said...

Facebook is retarded. I only use it to network for jobs. Other than that, I don't deal with social media and the constant bombardment of ads and Likes. I still like blogging though, except I've transcended a little beyond that: my best friend's phone is my blog as we're in constant communication with each other with her life six hours away. Within the year, we'll live closer to each other.

nuzen said...

Hello Sophia, are you still there? Or here on the other end of this comment box?

I discovered this blog while googling Jed McKenna. I'm on the second book and curious about ... the topic.

nuzen said...

Hello Sophia, are you still there? Or here on the other end of this comment box?

I discovered this blog while googling Jed McKenna. I'm on the second book and curious about ... the topic.