A discussion in email with someone inspired me to go exploring. The Internet does not seem to have many sources of information on this particular subject.
"...However, there may be lots of women who like middle-aged or elderly man, not as lover or husband, but as a counselor. Again, for this minority of girls who like older men, it seems that the reason is not that they like "money", but that because they suffer from a "father complex", lots of them seek men who look psychologically "big" and broad-minded."
~Maciamo on http://www.jref.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-7859.html
"...If, for example, a man reminds a woman of her harsh, abusive father by his tone of voice, by his way of reacting to life, by his intensity of emotional response, and so on, he will understandably constellate her father complex. If she interacts with him over a period of time, material will be added to that complex. If he abuses her, the negative father complex will be further enriched and energized, and she will become all the more reactive in situations where the father complex is constellated. Increasingly she may avoid such men entirely, or on the other hand she may find herself irrationally drawn to them."
~Jung's Map of the Soul: An Introduction By Murray Stein
I've had a few "severe teacher" dreams in the past couple of years. I found this from the writings of a psychoanalyst:
"...In the early years of my analytic practice, I had a patient who stuttered, the roots of which lay in a negative father complex. During one certain phase of his analysis, he brought a series of dreams having quite authoritarian and severe teacher figures, and it soon became apparent that he transferred this teacher to me.... Now I recognized that unconsciously I was introducing a pedagogic and certainly authoritarian power element into my analyses...."
~Carl Gustav Jung: Critical Assessments By Renos K. Papadopoulos, chapter Transference and Countertransference by Hans Dieckmann
8 comments:
This brings to mind the differences between Japanese and American cultures. In the US children, for the most part, flee the coop as soon as they are able. I am under the impression, right or wrong, that Japanese nuclear families remain together until each child (usually in turn?) marries and starts their own families and homes.
It seems to me that in such a culture it becomes important to women to marry someone who is established and equipped to provide a home at least as good as the one they are giving up.
In our western culture it seems to me that some degree of bonding between new couples happens when they face the harsh cruel world together and prevail against all obstacles.
The reasons any individual woman might have for circumventing the difficulties encountered in beginning an independent life (independent of parents) might or might not, IMO, have anything to do with father figures and so forth.
Happily_anonymous
Sounds interesting.
No, I don't think money is that important.
Young women can be manipulated into a relationship. Or they can be the manipulator. The art of seduction.
I think women prefer strong and dominant males. Not boys.
Etc, etc, etc.
Yesterday, I saw this young woman again. She was very pretty and looked very young and we had constant eye contact. I couldn't help smiling seductively at her. But I decided to play safe. So I asked her brutally whether she was underaged or not.
Well, I had luck. I hope to see her again. ;>)
I had to start working on a novel to find the right (vast) space to work out all the abuse I've received from parents and culture...
~ Alex
I flew the coop the first chance I had. I don't know why young people in the US are so eager to get out in the big scary world without the help of their parents. I think the difference between myself and many others is that they lived alone for a while, while I did not. I went from living with my mother to moving in with my husband. I don't know that I'd want to live alone in this world. But, as my husband is 32 years my senior, it is inevitable that I someday will, given that I don't die first. *knock on wood*
My husband was poor, and only lived in an upstairs apartment, so at the time it was not important to me to marry someone who was established. I had just found it to be thrilling even without the money. My mother's house was a comfortable ranch style home, well kept, beautiful. I say all this just to mention that exceptions do exist.
My husband and I went from living in that little tiny apartment to living in a trailer in a rural community on the river, to another small house and finally to this nice home where I will probably stay until I die. We started off poor, but as I got to working after college and got a nice job, our quality of life improved, and now we have a large inground pool, a hot-tub and a brand new Bayliner speed boat. So, we've come far.
I do not see my husband as a father figure. When I first met him it was thrilling to me that he was so much older, but he didn't take on the role of mentor or anything. (Just wanted to say that so no one gets grossed out or anything!)
Siegfried,
When we were living poorly, I never wished for money. It just didn't matter to me. Now that I'm older and live better, I find myself wishing for more money, not to buy things with, but to have in case something happens to me and I have to quit working. I'm also frightened of the future, in which I'll be alone after my husband leaves this life. We've not put much money away into savings, and it scares me to death that I'll be homeless when my husband dies someday. He doesn't have a big life insurance policy or anything. (More proof that I didn't marry him for his money!)
I think the reason some women prefer strong and dominant males is because they feel protected and more secure.
So, are you going to take your newfound love out to dinner?
Alex,
That sounds like a good outlet for all the emotions you were holding onto. Sometimes it's really hard to let go, even though we know these feelings can ruin us.
I love my father and I've forgiven him ten years ago but I still can't forget. I think he would be hurt and disappointed if he knew I still have bad memories about his disciplining me. He doesn't know about this blog so he has no idea I feel this way, and that's how I want to keep things. But like you, I've found an outlet for my vented emotions by writing on this blog.
Writing is so very ameliorative, as I'm sure you well know.
While I'm not glad that you went through the abuse, I am glad that you understand.
Sophia,
I believe in dating without dating. And I practice it religiously.
Unfortunately for this new girl she's not the one I'm hopelessly attracted right now.
And I just flirted with another girl this afternoon. She has black hair and bright-blue eyes. She is irresistrible. We made eye-contact just to show interest. But it was enough.
I just have to make sure it doesn't hurt my first girl friend. She's very insecure.
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