How fitting, that the next chapter in The Prophet is about eating and drinking. It's fitting because, as you see in my previous post, I'm going to attempt to become vegetarian. Will I make it? Or will I fail? There hasn't been a meal between the time of my decision and now, so we will see what happens at breakfast, and at lunch, when my hunger will begin to direct my actions. Hopefully the mind and heart can conquer the cravings of this body. This is a test of will power and self-discipline. I haven't had good self-discipline since I was in college and forced myself to study hard every night.
For chapters one through five, visit my podcast blog: http://sophiaw.podbean.com/
15 comments:
Sophia.
I have been following your blog for the past few days. It is very encouraging to me. I am trying to open to life also. I am struck by your courage in being so much yourself. It inspires courage in me.
Maybe the process of delving into our doubts to bring them to the surface is the process of healing. That is the way it has felt to me lately.
Thank you for giving so freely of yourself.
Hi Suze,
Thanks for your visit, and it's nice to meet you. Also, I'm very happy to hear that you find my blog encouraging. Being so open in this medium of blogs brings so much relief and allows me to see what patterns I go through in life. I truly get to know myself better this way. Another beautiful thing about being so open and honest is that people here want to listen and they give so much of themselves in the form of love and support, thus making this a perfect environment for interpersonal communication.
As you said, bringing these thoughts, doubts, fears and other emotions to the surface is a way to begin to find happiness and to heal, as well as to become more complete.
Please stop by anytime and comment on anything that is on your mind.
I've been trying to stay vegetarian for a while now since I started living alone. I don't like the idea of eating what used to be my close relative. But it's not easy. Because excellent vegetarian meals are actually more expensive. Since meat can be cheaper most of the time.
Yesterday I saw a girl I flirted with several months ago. I was surprised she still recognized me. We winked at each other like two old lovers. But that was it. She's underaged.
I'm trying to manage my sexual energy because I find myself falling in love too easily. And becoming distracted. But what else is there to live for anyway?
Right now I feel empty because I didn't see my two most favorite girlfriends. I missed them more than my two teenage sons.
Siegfried,
I've already made it one day. I know it's not much of an achievement yet, but it's a start. I had a danish for breakfast, cereal for lunch and Ramen noodles for dinner. It's very difficult because my husband keeps trying to get me to eat the meals he makes with meat in them. He doesn't think I'll last very long. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. It is a challenge. Today wasn't so bad though.
Vegetarian meals are expensive, and they're less convenient than quick microwaveable dinners that have meat in them. My choices are limited, because I don't cook.
As I was once a young underaged girl dating older men, I don't have a lot of room to tell you to watch yourself. It would be almost like hypocrisy. But you're a smart guy so I know you'll be careful and make the right decisions. You'll just open yourself up to heartbreak by falling in love with these girls that are not available to you. I think people always want most what they know they can't have.
Sophia,
I know exactly what you mean. In fact I'm going thru it. Terrible! Inspite of all the attention.
I hope the ideas I am getting will help me survive. Well, I'm learning.
I don't chase. I'm just flirting. And no dating. I move very slow. I can wait. ;>)
The girl I'm really most interested in knows I am vegetarian. I hope it doesn't ruin my chances.
I also developed a taste for French cheese; I eat a lot of Brie, le roi des fromages. Altho I really like Danish Blue; but it stinks.
Siegfried,
And what ideas are you getting?
Do you not like the girls that chase you? It's funny, because I know how that could be. I never took much interest in the guys that chased me. Seems I always fell for the ones that were emotionally unavailable.
Oh cheese! I'm quite a cheese head myself. Brie is good, just had a cut of that recently. I can't think of a cheese that I don't like. I was in heaven as a child when my father and step-mother took me to visit Wisconsin. I was like a kid in a candy shop with all the cheese stores around.
I don't mind being chased. And I won't run away this time.
That's illogically and emotionally true. Women run away when chased by men. Women want to draw the sensitivity out of bad boys. It's a challenge. It takes work. Some big investment. And before they know it, they're hooked.
I just can't forget all these young beautiful faces. The way they look and smile at me.
Maybe, they're just bored to death at the stores and supermarkets.
Or maybe they think my reflex wink means something. It comes naturally to me like a bad habit or a nervous tick.
I have to do something about eye contact tho. It's not easy for me to maintain it. It means desperation for me. So I keep avoiding it. I don't want to be obvious. ;>)
Yes, I've got lots of bad ideas.
There is something alluring about drawing sensitivity out of otherwise emotionless people. It's probably because we expect some sort of emotional release when it happens, sort of like opening flood gates.
Eye contact is not easy, even just passing people on the street. Why do we avoid their eyes? Is it because we're afraid we'll get involved in conversation with them? And then what, we'll have to think of something clever to say?
Hello Sigfried,
It might be useful to forget about sex and romantic love with these women and try to think in terms of friendship and divine love. These things are much more powerful than physical sex alone and in their way have a sexual element.
Mossy,
For reasons, I can't afford to be in the platonic zone with young girls. I can wait forever, of course, but there has to be some sexual tension to keep the interest going.
I don't want to be caught hanging around young girls. Pretending to be their friend. And looking like their father or grandfather.
I have no choice. But to show myself, chat a bit, and then leave right away, without looking back.
And I don't want to give the impression that I am playing spiritual guru to them. That is even worse.
That's like being a old photographer shooting pictures of naked young girls.
Well, I mean I just suddenly found myself flirting with girls who were just being flirtatious.
It's no big deal. ;>)
Mossy definitely knows what a woman wants. :)
Siegfried,
You might not like marriage, then, if you think that sexual tension is necessary to keep things interesting! ;)
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