I can't leave, even though I try. I wanted to take a vow of silence. Not really, but on the Internet. Like Meher Baba. I was planning on leaving the Internet for a while to do other things, like read books or go back to problem-solving so that I can quit obsessing on spirituality. But for some reason I am so drawn to this digital world. If I were to leave, I'd feel disconnected. This place is where I'm with others. Maybe when/if I find God I won't have a need for others to fill my lonely emptiness. I'll be able to fill it on my own.
There is too much information on the Internet and I feel like my brain has experienced overload. I don't know what is right or what is wrong. There's thousands of web pages about spirituality and I'm afraid that if I read them all, I'll be intellectualizing something as opposed to realizing it on my own. How do we know when we know something because we've read about it or we know something because we feel it?
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I thought I'd share a little true story with you. I was talking about one of my endearing math professors in a newsgroup a while ago. I remembered something funny today that made me smile. He was giving us a test, and there was one problem I didn't know how to answer. He always gave points for at least attempting problems. The problem was, I didn't even know how to begin, so I just wrote down my checking account number in the space provided for the proof. When I got the test back, he had given me a couple points for the problem. I still have it somewhere. If I remember correctly, he had put a red exclamation mark on the problem.
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I'll be going on vacation this Saturday, July 26 and will be coming back Thursday, July 31. I'll be flying to Chicago and will catch an Amtrak train to Glacier National Park in Montana. It will take 29 hours on the train one way, so that means I'll be sleeping and showering on a train. Weird!
12 comments:
Knowledge always confuses us, because it's never complete. There is no end to knowledge. Moreover, it also creates some kind of contradiction in our minds. Maybe the best thing is to stop looking for any experience or peace....
At least you know about or have heard of Meher Baba, and you're only 30. I didn't find out about him till I was 44 (I'm now 59). My only advice to you is to keep that connection with Meher Baba and find out more about him. Enjoy your trip.
Dearest Sophia!
Looking forward to your return and praying for a totally glorious vacation!!
As far as "finding God", try a trippy little exercise.
*Sit still till you actually get still (if it doesn't happen, try this another time)
*Hold the thought that you needn't find God since He's omnipresent.
*Hold that thought and track what happens!!!
~ Alex
no one can 'not be found' by God, keep doing what seems right for you, whatever it is, God finds you, you can't hide.
I know you ain't trying to hide, but just sayin...
Have a great trip, keep your mental doors open but mind the screen lest the unwanted venture in, life is simple.
Watch out for Dementors or De Mentors! Have a safe happy trip.
Hi S.D.,
I haven't seen you in over a year. Nice to hear from you again. Thanks for your comment.
Hi Sean,
Wow, your comment really led me to a big synchronicity today.
Based on your advice, I dug out an old Meher Baba book. I've never read it. The synchronicity has to do with trains and mathematics.
I plan on finishing the book in the next few days. It's _Life at its Best_.
Thanks for leading me there. :)
Hi Alex,
I think the hard part for me is the "sit still" part.
Maybe this will give me something to do on the train. After all, I'll be on one for 58 hours.
Thanks.
Hi Jim,
I'm going to miss you while I'm gone. Keep an eye on your mailbox. I can't wait to pick out the perfect postcard for you. I have your address safely tucked away in my bag.
Harry,
You've been reading too much Harry Potter.
(Siegfried, I know that's you!)
That's true - there can be too much talk.
Paul,
It gets to the point where I question myself fiercely. Am I using my mind or am I using my heart?
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