The Last Post (Until I Get Back)

This is probably going to be the last post I make before I leave for vacation. I never posted any photographs from last year's trip to the Grand Canyon. So, to make amends, here are a few of the best shots I took, all from a point-and-shoot. Hopefully this year I'll do better about posting photos from vacation. You'll never get to see them all, since I usually take hundreds of photographs per trip.

By the way, while I'm gone, would you guys do a favor for me? Every day I click on the Hunger Site, but I'm not going to be able to click while I'm gone. So if anyone could do my clicking for me, I'd appreciate it. Each click gives food to the hungry. Please do all of them, there are only six - Hunger, Breast Cancer, Child Health, Literacy, Rain Forest and Animal Rescue. That's only six clicks that you can do for me daily in my place while I'm gone. And if more than one of you do it, that's great, too! The more the merrier, and the more bountiful the donation. It's free, and paid for by sponsors. Thank you very much!

http://www.thehungersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=1

And now for the photographs:

See you when I get back.

Synchronicity Journal July 25, 2008

I was eating breakfast at a restaurant in the city this morning. We had a booth by the window. Outside the window was a big set-up, like a board with paintings of tomatoes and other vegetables, with holes for heads and hands, for people to get their picture taken behind. Only, I didn't know that was what it was used for. I thought it was a set-up for the game Cornhole. I pointed out the set-up to my family, "Look, there's a cornhole game." But when another family went to pose behind the set-up, I realized it wasn't really for cornhole.

I was outside a grocery store across the river later in the day. Some employees were playing a game of cornhole.

Krishna's Gopis

Dr. Cato was one of my favorite professors in college. You would think that, since I was a math major, my favorite classes and professors would all be math related. But it was one of my religion professors that really stood out. I took three different religion classes in school. Religions of the east, as I may have already mentioned here, is what set me on my spiritual journey. It was fall semester, 2001, my last semester, and I'll never forget it.

She often told us stories from some of the ancient texts. I was reminded last night of one story in particular. I'd like to try to find it online so that I can read it again; it's very short. Krishna and his gopis were swimming, and all the gopis had their clothes hanging on trees. Krishna, being playful, hid all their clothes. If I remember correctly, the point of the story had to do with being brave enough to bare yourself completely to Krishna, not just in the flesh, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I could be wrong about that, though. If/when I find the story, I'll post it here.

Jóhann

Looking for Johann Valdimarsson. Not the opera singer.

Math Professors and Train Rides

I can't leave, even though I try. I wanted to take a vow of silence. Not really, but on the Internet. Like Meher Baba. I was planning on leaving the Internet for a while to do other things, like read books or go back to problem-solving so that I can quit obsessing on spirituality. But for some reason I am so drawn to this digital world. If I were to leave, I'd feel disconnected. This place is where I'm with others. Maybe when/if I find God I won't have a need for others to fill my lonely emptiness. I'll be able to fill it on my own.

There is too much information on the Internet and I feel like my brain has experienced overload. I don't know what is right or what is wrong. There's thousands of web pages about spirituality and I'm afraid that if I read them all, I'll be intellectualizing something as opposed to realizing it on my own. How do we know when we know something because we've read about it or we know something because we feel it?
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I thought I'd share a little true story with you. I was talking about one of my endearing math professors in a newsgroup a while ago. I remembered something funny today that made me smile. He was giving us a test, and there was one problem I didn't know how to answer. He always gave points for at least attempting problems. The problem was, I didn't even know how to begin, so I just wrote down my checking account number in the space provided for the proof. When I got the test back, he had given me a couple points for the problem. I still have it somewhere. If I remember correctly, he had put a red exclamation mark on the problem.
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I'll be going on vacation this Saturday, July 26 and will be coming back Thursday, July 31. I'll be flying to Chicago and will catch an Amtrak train to Glacier National Park in Montana. It will take 29 hours on the train one way, so that means I'll be sleeping and showering on a train. Weird!

Hey Bee

One, two, three, four, five
I see the bee in the hive
And on the flower

It's Not an Escape

Alcohol does not take away pain.

It causes headaches instead.

To Christi

I never did thank you for the great time I had with you this week at lunch. I am still so very happy that there is someone here, close to where I live, that I get along with so naturally. I feel so much at ease when we are together. I've worked with women my age for six years at the same job and never felt that ease, even though they sat in the cubicle right beside me! Even the one remaining friend I have from college doesn't make me feel as comfortable as you make me feel.

You are a very beautiful woman whose smile lights up the entire restaurant (or bowling alley!). Your kindness and friendship mean a lot to me.

In five days you'll have your baby. That is, if things are on time. After you and Baby get some bonding time in, I want to start spending more time with you. I'm ready for that. I'm happy to be a part of your life during this special time. I wish you, your husband and children the best during this time, and always.

Thanks for being my friend. If you ever need anything, always feel free to ask.

I love you! *hugs*

Fall Down? Get Back Up!

A friend sent me a book in the mail. I opened it tonight to a random page. This is what I read:

"Once the exaltation has lapsed, I am reduced to the simplest philosophy; that of endurance (the natural dimension of real fatigues). I suffer without adjustment, I persist without intensity; always bewildered, never discouraged; I am a Daruma doll, a legless toy endlessly poked and pushed, but finally regaining its balance, assured by an inner balancing pin (But what is my balancing pin? The force of love?). This is what we are told by a folk poem which accompanies these Japanese dolls:

Such is life
Falling over seven times
And getting up eight."

~Roland Barthes, _A Lover's Discourse: Fragments_

Fractal Flower

Flower Power

In the Pink

She has thorns.

Dream Date July 14, 15 or 16

I can't remember exactly which date. I don't know why I bother repeating this recurring dream over and over again in my dream journal. I don't have my homework done for math class and I'm in a panic.

Second dream:

I'm in an orchestra, and on the stage. I realize that I've sat down on stage and have forgotten my flute. I feel panic (yet again).

Dream Date July 10, 2008

I was sitting on the floor looking up at my old best friend from high school; she was sitting on the couch. We were saying to each other that it would make us feel young again to be as immature as we once were together.

Later I'm in a kitchen. There is something on top of the fridge that emits some type of scented mist, except this misty bubble sort of hangs around the air like a ghost - it just floats -, and the jar it emits from has some sort of tiny moving piece of metal that changes shapes all on its own, without any electricity or anything.

I notice the water in the sink is running, so I turn it off.

My mom's ex boyfriend, who was like a second father to me growing up, sprayed my face with water from a hose in the kitchen. He startled me, as I wasn't expecting to see him.

Emotional Security Found in Old Books

I'm reading _Persuasion_ by Jane Austen.

If I have nothing else, I have my books. I am safe there, within the pages. And moments of the day go by, where I'm imagining in my head what the characters look like, what they're thinking. I replay mental visions in my head of the events of the chapters, even while I'm stopped at a stoplight.

Anyone Else?

I'd like to know if this happens to anyone else:

I have just been bombarded with synchronicities.

I'm going to bed. Goodnight!

Finding My Lost Roots and Another Forgotten Dream from July 5, 2008

I am very excited today. When I went to the mailbox there was a package with my name on it. It's so rare that I get REAL mail. It's from my great uncle, of who I know so little about. He lives less than an hour away yet I've only met him once when I was a child, so I do not remember him. I had sent a letter to him last week asking for some information about my grandmother, who died a couple years ago in a mental asylum. I have never met her, but for years I've wanted to know more about her. Sometimes I feel sad that I never had the chance to know her, but she wouldn't have been able to talk to me or notice me anyway, as she was catatonic from schizophrenia.

Anyway, for years my family tree and genealogy project have been incomplete without information from the paternal side of my family. I didn't have any names or anything with which to find more information. I've always wanted to know who I am, who my grandparents are or great grandparents, where they came from and so much more. I'll never be able to find out who my grandfather is, though. As far as I know, he was a bad man and it's best not to say more about that on this blog.

I found out that my great grandmother arrived here from Germany and didn't speak any English. That's all I know at this time, but I'm going to join some genealogy web sites to see if I can get any more information. I so badly want to know who my family is!

I also asked my uncle to tell me more about my grandmother. I want a piece of her history and life story so deeply. That's how I'll know her, even if I never met her. I can love her with what I have now, a black and white photograph of her and no tales about her. In his letter, my uncle promised to send me more information about my grandmother. I hope he does not forget. I want to know all about her.

The rest of the contents of the package were religious materials and information about vegetarianism. My great uncle is 69 and he and his wife are Seventh Day Adventists. They are also vegetarians and are into holistic medicines. I'm going to make an effort to get to know them better. It's never too late.

And on to another subject.... I was driving to the grocery store today when I remembered a fourth dream from last night. In real life, my dad had surgery just a few days ago to have his gallbladder taken out. Even though I've called him numerous times every day since his surgery, I have not been to visit him. In the dream, my dad called my husband and asked him, "Is Sophia all right?" He was asking because he was wondering why I hadn't been to visit him. This dream was trying to tell me that I need to visit my dad. So, I've made plans to go see him tomorrow, and when I go, I'll bring the package that my uncle sent me because I know he'd be interested in seeing it, too.

What a glorious day it has been! It's perfect. There's a smile in the sky and a smile on my face. Yay for sunshine and happiness.

Bye for now!

Dream Date July 5, 2008

First Dream:

I lay my head and fingers upon some "sonic waves" that are emanating from a spiritual teacher so that I can absorb some of them. The man was dressed in white garb, perhaps a robe. I believe he was Muslim, as the building I was looking at beforehand had a sign that said something about "Allah".

Second Dream:

I am running around in a mall trying to get safely away from zombies. I make it to the glass doors and see the sun shining brightly through them. I feel as if I have almost made it to safety, when a zombie of a black boy runs in front of me. I manage to run away from him and make it outside into the sunlight, but there are zombies out there, too.

Third Dream:

I am standing in front of a pregnant mother. Her first child is crawling around on the floor, but is horribly growth-stunted. I think to myself that judging by the size and shape of the mouth, the child should really be much larger. I know the mother has neglected the child, and that it is malnourished. I think that it is sad she's about to have a second child that will also be as neglected as the first child.

Dream Date July 3, 2008

The Man and I were at an amusement park riding rides together. I liked to look over at him and see him smile.

Later, we were sitting on the side of a country road in an open vehicle, perhaps it was a convertible, but the openness added to our vulnerability of the environment. Suddenly, over the top of the hill in the road a large bull started to run towards us. I was scared that it would run over us, but luckily it just barely passed us by. After it passed by, I started the vehicle and turned into a driveway so that if a herd of bulls came running down the road, we'd be safely out of the way.
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I call him "The Man", because he's been in other dreams I've had in the past. He has grey hair, penetrating eyes and a kind smile. I have a deep affection for him, and I feel safe and loved when I am around him.

Disintegration

The mind is a terrible thing to lose.

Electromagnetism - Synchronicity Journal July 1, 2008

Synchronicities are happening again. I feel that the Universe is trying to tell me something, or is leading me in the direction towards something very important or meaningful to me, only I don't know what it is. I'm having difficulties decoding the messages.

This morning, I was trying to compose another vignette in my mind. It had to do with two people who were like atoms attracted to each other, electricity and magnetism surging through their extremeties, pulling them together to form a molecule.

Later today, in discussion on the mensa newsgroup, people were talking about "TOE". I wasn't sure what that stood for. I mistakenly assumed it meant the theory of existence, but someone kindly corrected me by pointing me to the Wikipedia article on "The Theory of Everything". In reading the article, I came across a mentioning of the discovery of the connection between electricity and magnetism.

Dream Date July 1, 2008

The dreams I had this morning were quite long and involved, but I only have a few fragmented memories of what they were about.

In the first dream, I was kidnapped and thrown into a bedroom with a locked door. I lay upon the bed on my side, crying, with my hand covering my eyes.

The second dream involved me preparing to go through eye surgery. I was laying on a mobile hospital bed being pushed through some hallways. An Asian eye doctor gave me a bottle of eye drops and told me to rub them onto my eyelids. I wasn't quite confident enough yet to do it myself so I asked him to further explain the instructions.

Personality Types

I am an ISFP: "ISFP (Introverted feeling with sensing): They are shy and retiring, are not talkative, but like sensuous action. They like painting, drawing, sculpting, composing, dancing -- the arts generally -- and they like nature. They are not big on commitment."

I believe this describes me very well. In real life (i.e. offline), I am not a big talker, although I tend to open up more towards people I have clicked with. However, I find it quite easy to express myself online (perhaps too easy). I also enjoy the arts immensely, as well as nature. To be more specific, I am an animal lover, even though I'm not a vegetarian. I don't know if I like commitment or not. I suppose it depends on who or what I'm committing to.

What is your type? http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

This site has good and simple descriptions of the various personality types. Look towards the bottom. Although, the entire page is an excellent read, if you ask me. http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/jung.html