More on Life the Past Few Days

As a self-confessed computer / Internet addict, it was difficult for me to make it five days without Internet access. There was a pay-by-half-hour computer available to me in the "trading post" just a short walk away from the lodge, but I was unable to go due to orders from the husband. I could grumble and moan about that but I won't. Well, maybe I just did. It's fairly evident that I've gone into withdrawal just by looking to see how many posts I've made in the past 24 hours.

The train ride to and from Glacier National Park was tiresome. The first six or seven hours weren't so terribly awful, but the full 58 hours took its toll on me and I grew weary of my confinement to a tiny room. I enjoyed the park itself immensely, but I do not think I'll be riding on a train again. For that matter, I don't expect I'll be vacationing again any time soon.

Aside from my complaints, I did a lot of people watching, especially on the train ride to my destination. I may have been nosy but my constant curiosity kept me looking around to see what people were doing to entertain themselves. I only peeked into a few private rooms when the curtains were open, but for the most part I watched people on coach as I walked to and from the sleeper cars and dining car. Most people were reading, and I tried to see what the names of some of the books were. Some kids and teenagers were playing with handheld video game devices. There were people watching movies on laptops. One man was busy using fingernails on one hand to clean underneath the fingernails on the other hand. Others were sound asleep, one in particular wore a sleeping mask. There was a young man across from our room who had just turned 21. I secretly could sense he was excited about this, because he asked us if we were going to the wine-tasting event. When we said that we were, he joyously exclaimed, "Well then, I'll see you there!" A few days later at the lodge he was in the bar with his father and he came over to talk to us. He was very friendly. I knew he was proud to be in the bar.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner were interesting. In spite of my social anxiety I found it entertaining to listen to the people at my table talk. We had to share a booth with two other people every meal. There was a man named "Bud" with long white hair, who had a wife with very long hair back in a braided ponytail. Sometimes I imagine men with long white hair are spiritual, but not Bud. He was a hunter who said he "liked to hunt pigs" and was a retired P.E. teacher. He said he physically died twice because of his liver problems (He had a transplant). I asked him about his death experiences and what it was like on the other side. He told me there is no other side. "There's nothing there." I found that to be quite disappointing. I sat directly across from his wife. She was a statistician just like me. Imagine my surprise when I found out about that during my first meal on the train. Two female statisticians with long hair sitting across from each other. What are the odds of that? Anyway, I don't think I'm going to let his disheartening death testimonial discourage me from my spiritual journey. After all, I know someone that lives in Canada who had died and come back and he's told me there really is something there.

There were a few people I wish I could have stayed in touch with, including, surprisingly, this very grouchy older silent man (late sixties, perhaps). I don't know what it was about him but I wish I could have had the chance to get to know him. Maybe I imagined I could warm his heart or offer my friendship if he felt lonely. His wife was very friendly and we spoke often, even though her husband refused to say a word to me and even went so far as to push me out of his way with his suitcase. I don't think I've ever seen a more grumpy man, and I spent most of my vacation at the two lodges and on tours with him and his wife. I won't be upset about him, though, because it seemed he wasn't nice to anyone, including his wife. Aside from all this, we did exchange email addresses with a man named Josh who appears to be about my age. I invited him over to stay at our house any time he was in the area. He's definitely a kindred spirit and knows about the magic that can occur between two people during musical improvisation in duets.

On the trip I spent a lot of time in contemplation. I know that one of the goals of enlightenment is to not think so much, but I'm not at that stage yet, apparently. I am tangled up into too many human emotions and I'm going to try to get rid of them. It's all ego, after all. The only person who has confused me is myself, I just wanted to blame someone else for it. Yes I feel guilty and yes I'm ashamed but the only thing I can do is move on and start over. Remember that passage from the _Lover's Discourses_ that I posted a week or so ago, about being like a daruma doll trying to get its balance back? Anyway, I think the messages from the Baba were just what I needed to set me straight.

"Remember that the first step in spirituality is not to speak ill of others. All human beings have weaknesses and faults. Yet they are all God in their being. Until they become Realized, they have their imperfections. Therefore, before trying to find faults in others and speaking ill of them, try to find your own weaknesses and correct those."

"The spinning of the yarn of Karmic debts and dues would be endless if there had been no provision for getting out of the Karmic entanglements through the help of the Master. He can not only initiate the aspirant into the supreme art of unbinding Karma, but can become directly instrumental in freeing him from his Karmic entanglements. *The Master has attained unity with God, Whose cosmic and universal life includes all persons. Being one with all life, he can become, in his representative capacity for the sake of the aspirant, the medium for the clearing up of all debts and dues which have come into existence through the aspirant's dealings with countless persons contacted in his incarnations.* If a person must get bound to someone, it is best for him to get bound to God or the Master, because this tie ultimately facilitates emancipation from all other Karmic ties.

When the good Karma of past lives has secured for the aspirant the benefit of having a Master, the best thing that he can do is to surrender himself to the Master and to serve him. Through surrenderance the aspirant throws the burden of his Karma on the Master who has to think out ways and means of freeing him from it. Through serving the Master he wins an opportunity to get clear of his Karmic entanglements. The relation between the Master and the disciple is often carried on from one life to another for several reincarnations. Those who have been connected with the Master in past lives are drawn to him by an unconscious magnetism, not knowing why they are thus drawn. There is usually a long history to the apparently unaccountable devotion which the disciple feels for his Master. The disciple is often beginning where he had left off in the last incarnation." ~Meher Baba, DISCOURSES, Vol. III, pp. 93-94