Dream Date April 28, 2007

I don't remember anything of this dream, except that I was saying to some man, "Oh yeah?  Well, I have PrimaSounds."

PrimaSounds are those three CDs I bought a few weeks ago that contain chakra music.

Dream Date April 27, 2007

I forget most of the context of this dream, but just now, I was staring at the crystal pendant I wear on a silver chain around my neck. I was just idly gazing into it, when suddenly I had flashbacks of scenes from the dream I had last night. The crystal pendant acted as a clue to my dream!

In the dream - though I forget most of the context - I see lots of colorful colorful crystals sticking up out of the ground. I walk around collecting as many as I can carry. I seem to remember pink and blue being the primary colors of the crystals.

Perhaps the pink and blue has significance. I am, after all, going to be walking for the March of Dimes, which is a charitable organization for babies, and pink is the color for girls and blue is the color for boys. I don't know if this is what the colors in my dream means, but it does seem to tie in with what's going on lately.

Marching to the Beat of the Soul

On May 12th I will be walking in order to raise money for the March of Dimes. The March of Dimes is an organization that raises money for a good cause. The leading cause of infant death is premature birth, and premature birth not only results in death, but can also result in deformalities that the child will have to live with for the rest of their life. The March of Dimes helps fund research and programs to help prevent premature births.

If you are interested in sponsoring me on this walk, please send me an email and I will give you some personal info that will allow you to do so. Checks can be made payable to The March of Dimes. They also accept international donations on my sponsor page. I have set my own personal goal to raise $100 and I've already received $20 today, so I only have $80 more to go! Every little bit helps. $1, $2, $10, $20, it's all money that can be used to help save babies' lives.

Thank you!

Staying Busy

I'm sorry that I haven't been able to visit everyone's blogs the past week. I had become accustomed to blogging during the weekdays, and now at work they have finally given us something to do, so my daytime blogging for now has come to an end. And now, when I go home, I eat dinner, work out on the treadmill and meditate, so this leaves me little time during the evenings. I will be doing most of my blog-hopping during the weekends, now, at least until things settle down at work. If I have time throughout the day during the week, I'll try to stop by, too.

Also, I may be a little slow responding to emails, although this shouldn't be anything new because I already usually take a few days to respond as it is, and sometimes I forget to respond altogether, although I'm trying to work on that bad habit!! My friends are important to me, and I greatly enjoy reading your comments and receiving your emails.

I just wanted to let you all know that I haven't forgotten you. :)

Namaste, People!

Meditation Vision April 24, 2007

Last night during meditation I had a vision of a prism that was radiating colors of the rainbow.

I should make a note, here. In the past and now you've seen me make several mentions of visions I've had during meditation. These visions did not arrive by conscious effort on my part. I suppose you could say they are hypnagogic imagery. I am so far deep into trance that I enter into a dreamlike state. I can't hold these images very long, yet, but perhaps over time with practice I will be able to.

For more information on hypnagogic imagery, check out this page:

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/keithhearne/States.htm

Dream Date April 23, 2007

First dream:

[Surprise, surprise, it's another school dream, and as usual I don't have my homework done.]

I am sitting in class and the teacher walks around to check that everyone has their homework done. When he gets to me I come up with an excuse because I don't have mine finished.

Second dream:

My sister is checking to see what her current grade is in her class. Strangely, she has a beard in this dream. She finds out that she has a 50% in the class. She tells me, and I'm disappointed. She does a little bit of math and figures out that in order to pass the class, she needs to make a 40% on the next test. (Apparently math in my dreams doesn't make sense.)

Dream Date April 21, 2007

I slept all day today, and probably had many dreams but I only remember two. I think I slept so much because I've been taking an excess of Melatonin, which is a hormone that helps one fall asleep. I'm taking it in combination with Vitamin B6 to help me recall my dreams.

First dream:

I'm opening geodes to find crystals. I open one and inside is a beautiful array of clear crystal which looks like clear quartz. I pull out the crystals and take them with me.

[Note: I don't really know much about the supposed benefits of crystals, but I wear a clear quartz crystal around my neck because it is simply beautiful, regardless of whether or not it has any "powers".]

Second dream:

I am in a casino hotel with Anthony Hopkins. He is there playing a game of black jack and watching a boxing match at the same time. I am tired and am on a higher floor level looking down at him playing. He comes up to my level to carry me to bed. As he carries me to the room, I hold on to him tightly, hugging him and feeling close to him, closing my eyes as I press my face against his. It was very tender, really.

This was one of those dreams where I woke up feeling a bit disappointed that it was only a dream. I felt emotionally close to the man that looked like Anthony Hopkins.

I have to learn how to become lucid in dreams again. :)

Dream Date April 20, 2007

I am helping my mother hang some of the old clothes from my childhood out on the lawn, because she is having a yard sale. I say, "I'm 28 years old and my mom is just now selling my old clothes."

A man comes and sits down at a chair at a table that is outside. He says that he used to live in the house across the street and that he remembers me. He pinches my cheek.

Toward Integral Consciousness

Your consciousness is not just your brain! We are One. We are Universal Love.

Thought Control

There once was a voice inside my head that did all the talking. Now, there's a new voice and it keeps saying, "Shut up! Shut up!"

:)

Inspiring

I found this today. It gave me chills. And so, like that delicious flavor of ice cream that I want to share with the world, I present to you this very inspiring video.

Synchronicity - How the Universe Works

I admit - I worry about money. We're not poor but we also haven't been saving wisely. My husband especially likes to buy expensive toys and this has always caused me worry. His philosophy that "we can't take the money with us when we die" is probably the right philosophy. But, mine is, "I don't want to be homeless when I'm an old lady." It's true that we can't take money with us when we die, but we should be smart about saving our money so that we don't go hungry and have a roof over our heads, not to mention that when we're old we may need more care, such as a nursing home. I do not have any children so therefore I will not have anyone to take care of me when I am old and alone. My husband is quite a bit older than me, by 32 years to be exact. So, when he dies, I will be alone, perhaps for quite a while.

Yesterday I bought an expensive toy of my own. My husband has bought quite a few over the years, and I felt I not only wanted this new toy, but needed it. It is a treadmill. I wouldn't be buying it if I didn't think I needed it, and right now one of my main goals is to get in good shape again. The treadmill should arrive Friday evening.

The synchronicity in this is that today I received an email from my boss saying that I'll be getting a bonus. The amount of the bonus is the same amount I spent on the treadmill.

So, now I don't feel like I have such a financial loss. It'll all come out evenly.

Thank you, Universe, for taking care of me.

Synchronicity Journal April 17, 2007

An hour or so ago I typed out my dream. I said that in the dream I told my husband that we fight 80% of the time. I'm watching a lecture on the Mayan calendar on Google Video and the lecturer just wrote the number 80% on the whiteboard. It's the first and only percentage that he's written in the whole lecture so far, and it's been going on almost three hours.

The number was used in the lecture to show that the AMA (American Medical Association) admits that 80% of things that can go wrong with the body start with stress.

Poll

Who else is feeling the change?

Dream Date April 17, 2007

My husband and I are fighting. I say to him, "You know, we fight about 80% of the time."

The Evolution of Consciousness

I was reading all the blogs in my blogroll today when I came across something Forgetful God posted. He had links to three videos. I watched the first one, a two-hour segment. Now, normally I would not devote two hours of my time to watch a video on the Internet, but after the first ten or fifteen minutes, I was hooked.

The lecturer Ian Lungold explains the structure history has had, through the Mayan calendar. He talks about the evolution of consciousness and shows that history may not be as chaotic as we think it is.

I have not watched the other two parts, yet. I'll watch the second part tomorrow, and the third part probably on Wednesday. However, I get the feeling that we're headed on our way to something grand.

If you get a chance, please watch this video. I know, two hours sounds like a long time, but you will not get bored. What an awesome lecture this is!

Secrets of the Mayan Calendar Unveiled (Part 1)
Secrets of the Mayan Calendar Unveiled (Part 2)
Secrets of the Mayan Calendar Unveiled (Part 3)

I Almost Bumped Into Myself

Moments such as these may seem mundane to most people, but they mean a lot to me.

About 15 minutes ago I was walking through a door at work. A woman that I have never seen before was on her way out the same door. We almost bumped into each other. She just started laughing and laughing! Hearing her laugh made me laugh, and so we just laughed, I laughed on my way into the room, she laughed on her way out. It was funny - I could hear her continue to laugh as she walked away, her laughter growing distant as she got farther and farther away.

Birthday Haiku

I just want to say,
Today is a special day -
Alex's Birthday!

From one blogger to another, Happy birthday, Alex!

To find out more about Alex, visit his SUPER cool blog: B.I.D.E., where he makes spiritual commentary on events happening around our world.

TinManMoves

I used to belong to this website called TinManMoves. It was really rather fascinating, though at the time I didn't appreciate it as much as I would now, and a year and a half ago or so I took it for granted and didn't participate that much. Now I feel like I have a lot to say to other people.

TinManMoves or Tin Man Moves was a website where you remained purely anonymous and dropped off insightful hints to be placed in members' emailboxes. Sometimes people would respond, but they would be anonymous, too. It was like a collective consciousness of sorts where people could basically help people. The insights were fabulous!

Today I went to find TinManMoves, but it is gone. Does anyone know what happened to it? Has anyone ever heard of it?

This is a message to the creator of TinManMoves: Please bring it back! (I'm hoping he or she will do a Google search and find this message.)

Here are some samples of some of the messages I received while TinManMoves was up and running:

"What else is there but love to save ourselves..."

"How can we know an answer, if we don't know the question?"

"FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real"

"life is the most extreme sport."

"There is no dispute that cannot be solved, given enough patience..."

One of my favorites - "New treasure comes from old chests."

"The true meaning of peace is the absence of struggle..."

"I need to let go of the past and live in the NOW"

I have hundreds more. I saved them all because I thought maybe I could use them someday. I'm glad I did, because if anything they serve as remnants of the treature trove that was known as TinManMoves.

Update: I just remembered that there is another service which is similar to TinManMoves, although I haven't tried it out yet, so I don't know what kinds of messages I'll receive, but the service is called "Message in a Bottle". Here is a link if anyone is interested:
http://www.oceangram.com/about.htm

Dream Date April 13, 2007

First dream:

I am swimming in a room filled with water. I am with an African-American couple, and we are picking each other up and dunking each other head-first into the water.

Second dream:

I am standing in front of my old boss T.G. He says to me, "You're fired."

In another part of the dream, he says to me, "You're hired." I am in disbelief that he hired me, and I am very excited.

Later on I'm organizing old print outs, the kind of the big old lined green printer paper. The papers are numbered and I'm putting them in numerical order.

Still later I am surfing the Internet. I realize that I've been surfing the Internet for a while and haven't been working. It is just a realization of sorts, like, "Oops! I haven't been doing my work." I hope to myself that my boss didn't notice and I go back to work.

Note: I only worked for T.G. for the first six months after college. He owned his own business, and I learned that it is not wise to go work for a small personal business. I did not like T.G. AT ALL! I had the impression that he wanted me to worship the ground he walked on, and when I didn't it caused some sort of discord between us. Anyway, when he found out that I was looking for another job elsewhere (which I got shortly after), he fired me.

By the Way

Kurt Vonnegut was a Unitarian Universalist.

Alice Bailey and Plato

"[M]any people… have experienced at sometime or another an illumination, an unfoldment, an uplifting, and a beatitude which has convinced them that there is a state of consciousness so far removed from that normally experienced as to bring them into a new state of being and a new level of awareness."
~Alice Bailey

This quote comes from an essay I've just spent a while reading. I highly recommend it, as it presents some ideas on the nature of the body, soul and anima mundi.

http://www.uriel.org/articles-presentations/essays7.htm

Gateway Experience Journal April 11, 2007

This night's lesson was more a lesson on self-improvement than anything else. We did our usual preparatory steps and then went into focus 10 and next into focus 12. Once in focus 12, he instructed us to present a question and wait for the answer to come back to us. I didn't know in advance what this lesson was going to be about or I would have been more prepared with a question, but anyway, I still managed to think of something that bothers me and is sometimes in my conscious thoughts and undoubtedly usually in my subconscious thoughts. I don't have to use the phone that often at work to call customers, but sometimes we go through phases where there is phone use, and also in the near future I will be traveling to visit companies and will have to give presentations. Dealing and socializing professionally with strangers either on the phone or face-to-face has caused me great anxiety for years. I asked the Universe how I could move beyond this anxiety, and how I could deal more easily with people. Sure enough, an answer came back to me. The Universe explained to me that it is the illusion of separation between myself and other people that causes this anxiety, and that to move beyond the anxiety I need to remember that when dealing with other people I am really dealing with other parts of myself. I need to remember that everything is connected and part of a greater whole. Everyone that I deal with is human, just like me, and has their own trials and tribulations; no one is perfect. We're all just trying to live life.

Dream Journal April 12, 2007

I am in a museum, and looking at a poster of Dali's "The Sacrament of the Last Supper". I'm looking at a poster instead of the real image because another museum is currently borrowing the real painting, and this museum has a poster up temporarily in its place.

Note: The Sacrament of the Last Supper is one of my favorite paintings. I had a chance to see the real thing at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C. a couple years ago.

Note #2: I couldn't remember any dreams this morning, however, after coming back from a walk I took on my first break, I saw the Dali book that I keep on my desk at work and I remembered that I had the dream.

Note #3: Just something interesting to note, that today is the 12th, and Dali said about the painting, that it is "an arithmetic and philosophical cosmogony based on the paranoiac sublimity of the number twelve...the pentagon contains microcosmic man: Christ".

Note #4 to self: Notice the pentagon in the painting. I need to learn more about sacred geometry!

Synchronicity Journal April 12, 2007

I've had three consecutive days of synchronicity, all centered around the word "wolf". It started two days ago, when my husband and I were taking a walk around the neighborhood. We walked down a street I am unfamiliar with. Behind a chain-link fence, a black dog barked at us. It was saying, "wolf, wolf!" I know, it's not quite "woof, woof", but it is close enough. At about the time the dog started barking, I came upon a black mailbox that had a last name on it. The name was "Wolf".

Fast forward to yesterday morning. I was visiting the blog of a man that Graham had introduced me to in email. The first word in the first paragraph of his blog was "Wolf's".

Fast forward to this morning. I am reading the news on Yahoo! I come across an article that says Josh Wolf is free from jail.

I did some research on the wolf as a totem animal, and came up with these insights:

People with the wolf as their totem form quick and firm emotional attachments. While wolves are sometimes loners, they also have a strong sense of community and travel in packs. They are loyal creatures.

I now understand why I saw a vision of a full moon while meditating a week or so ago. Wolves, after all, howl at the moon!

I used the picture of the black wolf for this post since the black dog was wolf-ing at me when I saw the name Wolf on the black mailbox.

I got the below information from this website: http://www.whats-your-sign.com/totem-wolf-symbols.html

To understand totem wolf symbols, one must first understand the heart of the Wolf. This takes time because the Wolf has had to endure many false stereotypes, misconceptions and misunderstandings.

Some common traits that accompany totem wolf symbols:
Intelligence
Cunning
Communication
Friendliness
Loyalty
Generosity
Compassionate

Not at all the picture of ferocity or terror, the Wolf is a creature with a high sense of loyalty and strength. Another misconception is that of the “lone wolf.” To the contrary, the Wolf is actually a social creature, friendly, and gregarious with its counterparts.

The Wolf is an incredible communicator. By using touch, body movements, eye contact as well as many complex vocal expressions – the wolf makes his point understood. Those with totem wolf symbols are of the same inclination – they are expressive both vocally and physically. Those who have the wolf as their totem animal are naturally eloquent in speech, and also have knack for creative writing.

Totem wolf symbols belong to those who truly understand the depth of passion that belong to this noble creature. The Wolf is a representative of deep faith, and profound understanding.
Further, the Wolf possess a high intellect, and have been observed using strategies about hunting, habitat and migration.

In history, the totem Wolf symbol appears with the founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus. Legend has it that the two founding brothers were raised and suckled by a she-wolf.
In Norse mythology, the Wolf is a symbol for victory when ridden by Odin and the Valkyries upon the battlefield.

As a Celtic symbol, the Wolf was a source of lunar power. Celtic lore states that the Wolf would hunt down the sun and devour it at each dusk so as to allow the power of the moon to come forth.

In Asia, the wolf guards the doors that allow entrance to heavenly, celestial realms. The Wolf is also said to be among the ancestry of Genghis Khan.

When this gracious creature appears to us, and serves as a totem in our lives, the Wolf beckons us to ask these questions:
Are you thinking about a different form of education?
Are you being a true friend, and are your friends being true to you?
Are you communicating yourself clearly to others?
Are you being loyal to yourself?
Are you incorporating strategies & planning to achieve your goals?
Are you spending enough quality time with yourself, friends & family?

Take some time to know more about the Wolf, you will be amazed at the knowledge these regal creatures can share with you.

Through the Leak

Goodbye to the physical incarnation of one of my dearest favorite authors, Mr. Kurt Vonnegut. I am glad to have had the opportunity to meet Mr. Vonnegut.

Mr. Vonnegut, you were loved. Thanks for all the great books.

"A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved." ~Kurt Vonnegut, Sirens of Titan

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070412/ap_on_re_us/obit_vonnegut

(Photo credit: Peter Yang, Rolling Stone magazine)

Rainbow

This was behind our house this evening.  Can you see it?

If You Build It, They Will Come

Stop over and wish Alex well on the birth of a new blog with a great aim and a good cause!

Awareness Project

Welcome to blogland, Alex, and I'm here to support you!

Gateway Experience Journal April 10, 2007

Tonight's lesson was BY FAR the best experience of the series so far, and I'm only still in the beginning of the series. We went into Focus 12. After preparing ourselves, by placing things into the energy conversion box, doing our resonant tuning, creating our resonant energy balloon, saying our affirmation that begins with "I am more than my physical body...", we went into focus 10 and then even further into focus 12. At first, I felt as though I were expanding like a balloon. But by the end of the lesson, when we were back into focus 10, I couldn't feel my body at ALL! It completely disappeared! No numbness, nothing! I was just a little mind in black space. WEIRD! I feel I'm making progress. I am so exited I don't even know that I can fall asleep tonight.

If I do fall asleep, PLEASE let me have dreams that I will remember in the morning!

Take Some Time Off

I have some friends who are like flashlights on the path, always shining their beacon of light brightly to light my and others' ways. Flashlights require batteries, and batteries are what.... energy? Yes!

Like I read on Alexys's blog, take some time to refuel yourself. If you're constantly lighting the way for others, you'll grow weary and your energy will be drained. Slow down, take some time for yourself. Get recharged!

The last thing I want to do is drain anyone's energy. This is called energy vampirism! If anything, I want to be a source of energy, giving my energy freely away to anyone who needs it. Receiving is nice, but I want to give, too. If you have given to me, how can I give back to you?

Do you know of a way I could help you? Do you need someone to talk to? A shoulder to cry on? I am not a licensed medical professional but I have one thing that I don't need a license to offer, and that is my friendship.

My Mother is a Wise Woman

... and she doesn't even know it.

My mother has little knowledge of my spiritual beliefs. I really dislike using the word "beliefs" because it can be so limiting. Actually, beliefs are limiting. I believe we should all keep an open mind. See? I can't even say that sentence without using the word "believe". And there is that word "should", again. I should not should on myself or other people! How about this, "I think it would be great if we could keep an open mind!" Do you like that better? I do.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. My mother has very little knowledge of the choices I have made in life spiritually, although she does know that I have consciously claimed to not be a Christian. Really, I've ceased claiming to be anything. I do, however, call myself a "seeker". When I told my mother that I was thinking about going to a Unitarian church, she asked, "Why don't you go to a Methodist church?" I explained to my my mother that Unitarians are normally very open to others' beliefs and philosophies. I told her that I wish to learn from all paths, and that I see value in all religions, even though I don't choose to follow any particular path. "Basically, Mom, it's like this.... I am what you could call a 'seeker'." This conversation happened a few weeks ago.

Then last night, we were on the phone discussing my mother's current and future job plans. She has been working for the same place for quite a while now, and loves working there, but her job security isn't that great because it has been mentioned that they might begin to outsource their programmers. My mother is therefore looking for another job. She said she doesn't want to leave her job because there is the possibility they'll never decide to outsource, but at the same time she wants to find another job where she will be more secure. Then, she said something that has more wisdom in it than I am sure she realizes. She said, "Oh well. Que sera sera." This means, "Whatever will be will be."

Divinity Everywhere

Every day is divine, not just Sunday! :) Living with this knowledge we treat everything and everyone with reverence, not just the stone and wood church or the priest in his robe. The ant that crawls beneath the rock is divine!

Sand and Stone

Venture over to Bro. Oh Teik Bin's blog where you can learn lessons such as this:

Sand and Stone
A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE."

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one, who had been slapped, got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After the friend recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE."

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"

The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND, AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

Reflection (from Bro. Oh Teik Bin) "* When one learns not to retaliate or react to a perceived 'wrong' done by another towards oneself, then one is growing spiritually.* Retaliatory force, aggression, anger, illwill, revenge and hatred would not solve a problem. Anger or hatred is not overcome by anger or hatred ... it is through patience, tolerance, understanding, love and compassion that anger, illwill or hatred is overcome.* Reacting to a happening with anger, aggression, illwill or hatred will cause one to suffer in body and mind.* Learning to let go or forgive another for his 'wrong' towards us will keep the mind calm, peaceful and free. It lightens the mind ... and one is on the path to peace and freedom.* When someone does us a good turn, it is good spiritual quality to show appreciation and gratitude.* The practice of gratefulness helps to establish care, harmony and love in the hearts of people. And it brings spiritual growth.* FORGIVE and LET GO! BE GRATEFUL AND THANKFUL FOR THE MANY BLESSINGS WE HAVE.With Metta,
Bro. Oh Teik Bin"

More Doubts

This is a pitfall. I can't get out of my head that emotionally I'm "still a child". When it was said Friday I put it out of my mind. Today, though, it hits me like a load of bricks. Who wants to deal with a child? Who wants to babysit? Am I only spiritual because I'm still a child? This is causing me doubts. Am I trying to keep from living in the real world? Am I spiritual only because I'm escaping? Am I delusional?

Gateway Experience Journal April 9, 2007

These past two lessons have been fairly vague. The "instructor", or narrarator, whoever he is, gave us vague instructions that I was not completely sure how to follow. There was too much freedom of choice and room to be creative, and I suppose some like that but I like to be instructed in a very detailed way, leaving me no room to question myself. When instructions are vague, I have mind chatter, such as, "Am I doing this right? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?" This mind chatter slows my progress, and all these thoughts in my head keep me from experiencing what I should be experiencing, i.e. a clear mind. Meditation is all about clearing the thoughts. Expansion of awareness surely cannot be possible with a mind muddied with dancing thought monkeys like mine has been the past few days.

In any case, the "instructor", as I call him, (is it Robert Monroe, does anyone know?), gave us leeway to perform our purpose. We entered focus 10 and were told to "perform" our "purpose". Not entirely sure what my purpose was, I just went around in my imagination telling everyone in the world that I loved them. Isn't that my purpose? To love? Isn't Love really what makes the world go 'round?

All I know, is that when I give love, I feel love. Love might be scary for some people, and I'm sure it can make them feel uncomfortable, because they are not entirely sure how to handle it. I don't want to come on too strong in the real world. I don't walk around the cubicles at work saying to everyone, "Hey, I love you!" No, I don't do that. But, no one is stopping me from doing it in my imagination.

So, I'm sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but, I love you. :) I wouldn't have the courage to say it to a stranger in real life, but this blog is spiritual, and a reflection of my spiritual realm.

Does it bother you too much to know that I love you? Is it sappy? Is it childish? Is it cheesy?

I'll admit that I saw my therapist on Friday. Even though I'm no longer depressed I'm still seeing my therapist because it's best to be preventative in these matters; I don't want it to come back. She mentioned that intellectually I am an intelligent woman, but emotionally I am still a child. I asked her, "Have I regressed?" She said I never got rid of the child in the first place. Apparently, some of the things that happened in my youth have caused me to hold on to the inner child. I don't want anyone to think I'm childish, I want them to see the intelligent woman. Is my love for other people childish? I worry that my emotions are the emotions of a child. It's difficult to come to grips with being told that emotionally you are still a child. You wonder, "Are my ideals not mature?" "Is this world worse than I imagine it to be?" Maybe I am Pollyanna. All I know is that if getting rid of that inner child means giving up the love I feel for the people in this world, and losing the wonder when I experience new and unusual things, then I don't want to grow up.

The Gateway Experience Journal - The Disappearance of Time, April 7, 2007

I don't have much to report on last night's Gateway Experience lesson, except, however, that time seemed to not exist. I remember putting on the lesson, and I vaguely remember going through some things in the Energy Conversion Box, but it seems like the end of the lesson came very quickly, say, within five minutes, when I know the lesson to have been at least thirty-six minutes long.

Last night's lesson was called "Release and Recharge". I can remember just a little bit of the lesson - that we were going through things in the energy conversion box, and looking for hidden emotions and getting rid of them, such as fear. We simply let the fear bubble up and away.

I am definitely going to do lesson four again, because I can not remember if I fell asleep in the middle of it or not. I do remember being somewhat sleepy before beginning, however.

Memo

I have several blog comments and emails that I need to respond to, but I don't have much time this morning because I need to shower and go shopping, then meet my dad's family for dinner. I will respond later this evening, but I did want to type out my dreams so that I would not forget them. Thanks to everyone for your comments and emails, I do appreciate the visits and the input. Your companionship is very important to me.

Dream Date April 7, 2007

I am in a class. I fall asleep on top of the teacher's desk. I am sweating profusely, and when I wake-up I look on his desk to make sure I did not get any sweat on his papers. He is out in the class sitting at a student's desk, going over homework with other students. He didn't wake me up because he was angry at me for falling asleep. Anyway, I don't have my homework done so I walk out into the hall and then into the bathroom, hoping that he'll not ask me for my homework since I'm gone. My memory tells me that the homework he was going over was Chinese lessons, in which we were supposed to write out sentences in Chinese.

PrimaSounds and Gateway Experience Journal April 6/7, 2007

I have a lot to report on tonight from my meditation experiences. I have just finished my sessions tonight and it is 1:00am and I feel very refreshed, alert and aware. I feel as though I have just slept an entire night and have awakened in the morning and had a nice shower. Were it daytime I would be off to a good start.

I had two sessions tonight. The first, I meditated using the first CD in the three-CD set of PrimaSounds. The first CD is entitled "Lifetuning Primasounds". It was like a sonic bubble bath! It wasn't long before I was completely disoriented. I did not know for sure where my physical body was. I began to imagine that I was turned at a 180 degree angle, with my head where my feet really were, and my feet where my head really was. I believe this orientation of the energy body may someday help me to astral project, although this time I was more into just feeling the energy body more than attempting to project.

I am very much into sound healing, but especially in using sounds and non-predictive music to assist in meditation. I am, however, tonight very pleasantly surprised at how PrimaSounds aided me in feeling and experiencing my energy body; it is like nothing I have ever experienced before, and I have been using sounds to meditate with off and on for a while now.

After my session with the PrimaSounds, I got up and went to the kitchen to get one Hershey's Kiss. Just one! Then I came back and started lesson three in the Gateway Experience.

As with lessons one and two, I created the energy conversion box with which to place my concerns, to get them out of the way so that my thoughts are cleared during the session. Next, I did some resonant tuning, inhaling and imagining energy entering my body and head, exhaling stale energy while chanting the same tones that are played in the headphones. Tonight, I was introduced to the Resonant Energy Balloon (REBAL). I formed around me an energy balloon, by imagining energy spurting out of the top of my head like a fountain, circling that energy down around me like a spiral, and letting that energy re-enter my body through the soles of my feet. In this way, I let the energy flow out around and through me, a constant flow of energy.

After working on the REBAL we went easily into Focus 10, the mind-awake-body-asleep state. We remained in this focus for a few minutes, then he called us back out of it, into full waking consciousness. After becoming fully mentally and physically awake, he guided us back into Focus 10, but this time even deeper and longer. I am surprised with how much ease I am able to enter and leave Focus 10. This is good practice. While in Focus 10, he advised us that any time we wish to enter focus 10, all we have to do is inhale and think of the number 10 and exhale, and we can easily be in focus 10. This works like hypnosis. While in focus 10 the mind is very open to suggestions. I've noticed in the second session that while in focus 10 he gave us some instructions, such as anytime we want to remember something, all we have to do is touch our foreheads with the fingers of our right hand and we will remember. This is how I remembered this morning's dreams. On stirring in the morning, I couldn't remember my dreams, so I touched my forehead in this way, and sure enough I recalled two dreams.

This is all I have to report on for tonight. Tomorrow night, I'll have more as I listen to the second PrimaSounds CD and also the fourth lesson of the Gateway Experience.

Goodnight for now.

Dream Date April 6, 2007

First dream:

I am at a David Bowie concert. I am the only one in the audience. David reaches down and hands me a cigarette from up on the stage. I take it. It is falling apart badly. He then hands me a lighter. He reaches down again and gives me a handful of lighters.

Second dream:

I am at a man's house to take piano lessons from him. He teaches a houseful of women how to play. I sit down at a piano. There are a number of numbered folders containing lessons in them, in chronological order. (i.e. the first lesson is number one and contains sheet music, all the way to around folder number 20 or so.)

Gateway Experience Journal April 5, 2007

Focus 10 is a very relaxing phase to be in. Tonight I went through the second lesson in the Gateway Experience. I will probably go through this lesson again because I was so relaxed that I was almost asleep. He said some very important things, but I couldn't focus because I was almost out-of-it. This was truly a mind-awake-body-asleep stage. I almost started dreaming several times; that is how close to sleep I was. I saw a vision of a full moon, or at least a moon which was almost full. Strange, because the full moon was three days ago, on April 2. At some parts of the experience tonight, I felt completely aware of my entire body, not just an arm or a leg, or my head or eyes, but the entire body.

I don't have to work tomorrow so I'm going to stay up a bit longer doing the second lesson again. It's probably going to take me 36 days or longer to complete this program.

Just a Thought

I feel that I have finally found my place in this world, and I feel good about that.

Dreamku for April 5, 2007

I just wanted to say that I'm still very thankful to Roswila for coming up with such a unique way to write haiku! I first read the term "dreamku" on her blog. Venture over her way for some new and unusual forms of haiku!

And now, my dreamku inspired by my dreams of this morning:

The white gorilla
With these new eyes I can see
One in a million

More on Dream Date April 5, 2007

An email from a friend caused another dream memory to resurface:

I have a ring with a large rose-colored stone. A woman gives me something to clean the ring off with, but it is abrasive and therefore scratches the stone in various places. She gives me her ring to replace my damaged ring.

Dream Date April 5, 2007

My dream recall has gotten rusty the past week. This morning I tried to remember my dream the moment I turned off the alarm clock. All during my shower I focused, trying to bring forth some image from the dream. Finally, towards the end of my shower, some bits and pieces came back to me. This is what I have, although it is not the entire dream:

I am looking at a young woman; she has bulging eyes. They are not real eyes, but fake. She reaches up and pulls the fake eyes out of her eye sockets. Underneath, are her real eyes.

In another part of the dream, I am hugging a beige/white stuffed gorilla, like a child would hold a stuffed toy.

This morning I did a Google search for "albino gorilla" and found this: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/snowflake/index.html

Snowflake is the only known albino gorilla. He lived nearly 40 years.

I take from this dream that I am holding on to something rare and special. Obviously in waking life it is not a gorilla. I believe it is related to my spiritual journey. What am I holding on to that is so special?

The dream about the eyes might reflect that once I was seeing a false reality, but now I am beginning to see what really is. Or perhaps, once I was blind but now I can see.

I look-up "gorilla" in an online dream dictionary and find this:

"To see a gorilla in your dream, suggests that you may be too 'over the top' in your behaviour. Perhaps you are compensating for your rigidity and stiffness in your waking life. Alternatively, the gorilla symbolizes your primitive impulses, wild nature and repressed sexual energy."

Should we believe dream dictionaries?

These are just my takes on the dream. What are yours?

Gateway Experience Journal April 4, 2007

I began the first lesson in the Gateway Experience put out by The Monroe Institute. I am going to be keeping a journal as it recommends; this is the first entry.

My mood tonight starting out was slightly frustrated and aggrevated, but only due to computer hardware issues. I turned out the light and laid back in my recliner in the computer room, took off my shoes and glasses. As directed, I created a box in my mind to put all my concerns into. Some of the things I stuffed into this box were computers, money, blogs, husbands, friends, just about anything that's been on my mind lately, good or bad. The idea is to have a mind that is not cluttered with thoughts. As with regular meditation, the idea is to have a quiet mind.

The Gateway Experience plays a multitude of sounds and tones, similar to binaural beats. Different tones are played in each ear, so that the brain acts as a third ear which creates it's own tone. It's called "hemi-sync". If you'd like to know more about it, look it up.

We worked on breathing exercises, breathing in while opening my eyes and imagining new fresh energy filling up my body and head, exhaling out while closing my eyes and imagining old stale energy leaving my body through my breath. Later, I chanted tones as I exhaled.

I began to feel as though I were floating. This isn't really the best description of what I was feeling. It felt like gravity wanted to pull me down farther than the chair was allowing. My hands tingled.

At the end, the speaker said, "When I count down to one you will be awake and alert." I was so relaxed in what is known as "Focus 3" that I couldn't conceive of coming out of it alert. I thought surely I would be sleepy afterwards. But, while he counted down, some new tones were played and sure enough after he got to one and I opened my eyes I felt refreshed.

I had fun during this session. There are quite a few lessons and I am unsure of what pace I should be going right now. I wonder to myself if I should do the first lesson again the next few nights or if I should just keep going forward and progressing. I'll probably look around the Internet and see how fast other people have gone.

Thank you to my mate in Australia for sending me this wonderful gift.

The Complete Dream Journal

I have compiled all of my recorded dreams into one dream journal. I began writing down dreams in 1999. I didn't write down all of them in the beginning, like I do now. I'll still post new dreams to this blog, but if you're interested in reading all the dreams I've ever written down, visit my dream journal at http://sophiasdreams.blogspot.com/ Just a note, though, that some of these dreams are very personal, and you can see how much I've grown over the years. If you're offended by cusswords, sex or anything else, don't read it. I know I'm being very open, but I thought it was interesting to work on this project so that I could see how much I've grown since 1999.

I may be missing a dream here or there. When I find them and post them, I'll let you know here.

Feel free to comment on any dream.

The Desk

When I am home, this is where I do my computing. Some of the things seen are a stack of CDs from the library, a stack of puzzle books (mostly logic type), the obvious (keyboard, mouse, etc)., a microphone (laying on top of the PC), a framed picture of me and my dad, a bottle of sweet pea lotion, two folders - one of bills that need to be paid (currently empty, yay!) and one of paid bills, the cable modem, a speaker.

I now tag anyone who reads this to do the same. Think of it as a getting-to-know-you process.

Two More Felines

My little "fuzzy bear" with a good book.

(An older picture. 2000?)

Fuzzy bear again, 2006.
She is another of my guardian angels.
I call her my angel because she fell out of the heavens into my arms.
(In real life, she was a stray who jumped out of a tree into my arms the first day I saw her.)

Me and Peeps, 2005

Now all of the feline variety of my guardian angels have been displayed on my blog. Soon, I'll introduce you to the queen of the house, our dog.

Slowly, little by little, I'll show you more of my world.

Dreamku, Inspired by Roswila

I landed on Roswila's blog again today. (I have "met" her before in the past on a completely different route.) She has been writing what she calls "Dreamku", which are haiku poems inspired by dreams. I asked her if she'd mind if I do the same, and she greatly inspired me to do so, so here goes:

Cups in the hallway
Will I drink yellow or blue
I choose to see truth

Meditation Vision

While meditating last night I had a vision of a yellow horse.

I mention this because one of the fluids in the cups from last night's dream was yellow.

I type "yellow horse" in Google and find this:

http://www.yellowhorseman.com/

He is a peace elder named Grandfather Yellow Horse Man.

As with other visions I've had in the past, I will probably email him just to tell him that my vision led me to him. The last time a vision led to a contact, I envisioned the letters I M U N U R I. Those letters led me to a man on a spirituality web site who had those letters as his email address. I contacted him, and luckily he was a spiritual man who understood where I was coming from. I just think that people might like to know that the Universe led me to them in this mysterious way.

Change of E-mail Address

I've changed my email address. Please make note of this change, although I will still continue to check my old email address from time-to-time. The new email address is light.of.sophia@gmail.com

It was difficult to come-up with an address that was available. I wanted something positive. I'm not very creative or poetic, but thought that this address suits me just fine.

Dream Date April 2, 2007

First Dream:

I am walking down the hall at high school. On a table in front of a classroom are cups filled with drinks, some are yellow and some are blue. I grab a blue drink.

I'm heading for the lockers. I try to remember the combination to my locker. I think I remember the numbers being something like 25-26-27. But I hope that my locker-mate is there and already has the locker open.

Second Dream:

I haven't been doing my homework for one of my classes, a math class, to be exact. I ask one of my teachers if it's too late to drop out of the class, so that I won't get a failing grade. She says, "No." Later on, the teacher is passing back homework, and I get some of mine back and realize that I'm not as far behind as I thought I was, so I rethink dropping the class.

Synchronicity Journal April 1, 2007

The night before, on March 31st, I had a couple friends over. The younger friend, named C., asked me if I had ever seen "The Never Ending Story." I answered, "Of course I have. It was one of my favorite movies as a child." Then, last night, the night of April 1st, my father calls me on the phone and says, "I just wanted to let you know that 'The Never Ending Story' is going to be on the t.v. soon."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Neverending_Story

It's possibly one of the most magical children's stories/movies ever.